


ashes in our wake

by aionimica



Series: Amaranthine [1]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015), Star Wars Episode VIII: The Last Jedi (2017), Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Emperor Kylo Ren, Enemies to Lovers, F/M, Finding the Force Together, Force Bond (Star Wars), Hurt/Comfort, Mutual Pining, Renperor, Slow Burn, Supreme Leader Kylo Ren, The Author Regrets Nothing, Unresolved Sexual Tension, face touching, rating for depictions of gore and violence and eventual..... fun times between our leads, rey said yes, slowburn romance, sparring as a metaphor for sex, the slowest of burns until the author pours gasoline on it
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-19
Updated: 2018-12-14
Packaged: 2019-02-17 04:30:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 20
Words: 67,731
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13069188
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aionimica/pseuds/aionimica
Summary: The universe hung on the edge of a pin. A single action -- a choice, a word, a breath -- could tilt it one way or another. The future of billions and billions hung on for a moment they didn’t know was coming, unsure of which way the pin would fall.But this time, a breath came first and the whole of existence shifted.--An AU where Kylo Ren wakes up in the throne room before Rey and she offers to stay with him in exchange for letting the Resistance go.He says yes.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This has been an idea I couldn't get out of my head since I saw the Last Jedi for the second time. It's based on the premise that Kylo Ren woke up first and how that would change the future and outcome of the Last Jedi. So I hope you enjoy! I'm not sure how much I'll be able to update before the holidays since I have to work, but I'll be writing with a fervor afterwards ;)
> 
> I'm also on [tumblr so come say hi](https://thereminnsonata.tumblr.com/) over there! I also live off of feedback and every kudos and comment makes me wanna write this more, so leave your love here or on tumblr or just say hi :) <3 <3

The universe hung on the edge of a pin. A single action -- a breath -- could tilt it one way or another. The future of billions and billions hung on for a moment they didn’t know was coming, unsure of which way the pin would fall. 

But this time, a breath came first and the whole of existence shifted. 

Kylo shuddered as the ground beneath him groaned. Above him the heavy durasteel rivets strained against their bearings, but didn’t give way. The red curtains of Snoke’s throne room burned, releasing charred fragments through the air. Embers and ash drifted across him, settling on his robes and hair. Grit and grime mixed with his hair that plastered to his face along with sweat. The metallic ring of blood pooled in his mouth and he spit it out as he slowly pushed up from the ground. 

The first thing he noticed was the stillness around him, that he was whole and that for the first time in his life, his mind was quiet. Though flames crackled and flicked and smoldered, there was nothing but his thoughts. His eyes flickered to the collapsing form of Snoke whose body was charred in places beyond recognition and what was left of him turning a sickly green and blue. But his anchor, his rock was gone and his mind thrashed in the stillness like a ship on a long lost, raging sea.

The second thing he saw was a meticulous pair of black leather boots that were much too polished to belong to anyone but a particular general. Hux stood straight and tall with his hands in his coat and looked upon the scene with barely concealed disbelief and disgust. 

“What happened?” Hux asked briskly. 

Kylo hauled himself up and took in the carnage. The Praetorian Guard were left slaughtered, Snoke was rendered in pieces and fire burned around them, from the inside and out. And outside the starboard side of Snoke’s cruiser fell away like a deadened limb. 

“The girl--” Kylo started at first, but a pulse stopped him. He slowly turned and there, not far away, she lay prone, the shattered remains of Skywalker’s saber not far from her outstretched hand. 

“The girl did this?” Hux repeated even greater disbelief. 

“The girl saved me,” Kylo amended as he walked towards the scavenger --  _ Rey _ . That was her name, that’s what she told him. “Snoke tried to kill me and the girl intervened.”

Hux blinked, but kept his face still. “Snoke. Tried to kill you.”

“He didn’t succeed.”

Hux mumbled something that sounded rather like ‘ _ A pity _ ’ and Kylo reached out a hand and knocked him from his feet. The strangled cry from the General gave him only a modicum of enjoyment as he knelt in front of her. Rey didn’t stir as he turned her gently, resting her on her side. He cast out quickly in the Force, but there was no permanent damage, nothing more than he withstood and it was only a miracle that she didn’t wake before him. 

Kylo looked up as Hux stood up and wiped the ash from his sleeves. Laser barrages continued to the fleeing Resistance transports to a small round object in the distance. A planet. A place where this could end and maybe this storm would pass. 

“Get all our forces down to that Resistance base,” he said as steadily as he could, reaching out to find some place to grab hold. But all he could find was the unsteady sea of silence and so he settled for the one thing he knew. “Let’s finish this.”

“Finish this?” Hux strode forward, his face nearly as red as his hair. “Who do you think you’re talking to? You presume to command my army? Our Supreme Leader is dead! We have no leader!” 

Hux roared but the claim was cut off as Kylo reached out with a hand and clenched. “The Supreme Leader,” Kylo replied quietly, clearly and crisply, “is dead.”

Hux choked as he was lowered to his knees. “Long live the Supreme Leader.”

Kylo turned away from his crumbling general and released him as he stalked towards the lift. He had to do this, he had to end it. Stop it now before it grow into another cancer that would creep through and add to the silent storm in his mind. His hands clenched around his saber as he returned it to his belt. What’s done was done, the future was set. The Resistance would die, because that's what had to come next. 

“What about the girl?” Hux’s question shattered the silence, a simple query that sent Kylo almost pitching forward into the storm. 

What about Rey? What would she say or do if she could say or do anything? Would she try to stop him? Would she take his saber and try to strike him down like she did Snoke? Or would she just look at him with those eyes and carve an even deeper wound? 

“Bring her,” he started to stay but then she gasped and scrambled to her feet. She backed away at first, but then her eyes caught him and Kylo couldln’t move, couldn’t breathe, couldn’t say anything because she was  _ here _ and looking at him with a spectrum of emotion that he couldn’t begin to describe. 

Hux drew his blaster and fired in the blink of an eye, but the newly christened Supreme Leader didn’t make a sound as he reached out and held the plasma beam in place inches from her chest. Rey stumbled back, tripping over the body of a guardsman before regaining her footing and staring back and forth between the two men and the blaster bolt in front of her. 

“What in all nine hells--” Hux started, starting at Kylo with unmeasured disbelief until he saw the lit blade in his hands. Without a word, he holstered the gun and scrambled away.

Rey glanced back to the Resistance transports and Kylo felt her cry, the surge of power welling in her, but her saber --  _ his  _ grandfather’s saber,  _ his  _ heirloom -- was shattered on the ground at her feet. 

“No, Ben,” she said walking towards him, glancing back to the fleeing ships. “Please. Don’t do this.”

It was an echo of the battle already lost between them, the two of them once again rendered apart by a force he couldn’t see. She was drifting away and his saber hummed in his hand.

“I have work to do,” he said, gripping it tightly before powering it down. He turned and walked away. He was the Supreme Leader, he had a mission, he had to finish Snoke’s legacy, his grandfather’s legacy and settle the storm that raged in silence. 

“No, leave them alone,” she said, darting in front of him, blocking his way to the lift. She had no saber, hardly any training in the force and yet she stood in front of him as tall and luminous as a tree reaching its way to the heavens. He could cut her down and fell her to make his path, but the exertion would nearly kill him. “Please you have to stop, you have to save them, Ben.”

Hux looked like he was about to vomit, or his eyes were about to bulge from his head. Either way it was an inconvenience. That name belonged to him and him alone and that it was 

But Kylo couldn’t say anything as he walked over to her, curiosity getting the better of him as she stood tall before him. Blood streamed from the cut on her temple, her hair was slicked with sweat and grim and ashes burned holes in her clothes. But she glared at him defiantly, her chin tilted up so that she was meeting him on his level. No matter that she had nothing to fight him with.

Kylo vaguely wondered if he could ever lift his saber against her again. 

“And why would I want to do that?” he asked softly. 

“Because I’ll stay if you do.”

Everything around them faded until all Kylo could see was her. She said it without hesitation, without fear and without breaking her gaze from him. The ground nearly fell out from him as the sea pitched. 

“You’ll what?” He repeated quietly as Hux shouted, “Absolutely not.” Kylo sent him a look that was pure menace and a sneer that plainly said to the other man  _ this is not your call _ .

“I’ll stay,” Rey said again, and he felt that surge in her as she stood on her words and prayed they wouldn’t fail her. “I’ll stay with you on this ship and as long as I’m here, you’ll leave the Resistance alone. No following them, no attacking them. You’ll forget about them and I won’t try to leave.”

“You’ll stay with me,” Kylo corrected, the flailing sea calming down on the horizon, “regardless of what ship or planet I’m on, and I’ll leave your band of terrorists alone.”

She glanced out the throne rooms windows as another transport blew up in flame. “Deal.”

~

He let her send one communique before they left the throne room. General Hux had already stalked away to begin to establish some sense of order in the rubble. It was just the two of them, the two of them close and breathing and taking in the carnage. But Rey forced her vision to narrow and her mind to close and focus on this moment. She could take the rest of it in later -- the rest of her deeds would weigh on her at a different time and place -- but she needed all her clarity for this.

She took a deep breath and opened herself up, reaching across stars and time to a small, salt rock in the distance and a craggy island light years away and let the Force flow through her. 

“When you get this,” Rey paused, her throat closing as she choked up. She blinked back tears and stepped back from the comm system. The lights blinked and she knew that Chewie had gotten her transmission and was listening. It was Han Solo’s old frequency, one that she knew Chewie wouldn’t ever be able to ignore, not even one hailing from Snoke’s Destroyer. 

But Kylo said nothing as she broke down, didn’t encourage or force her, he just stood to the side and looked away; as much privacy as he could afford.

“When you get this,” she tried again sniffling back tears, “don’t come looking for me. I’m alright. I’ll be ok. I just got… sidetracked.” Kylo’s eyebrows rose. Rey ignored them. This wasn’t for his benefit. This was everything she could say in a final breath. How do you say goodbyes that might last forever? What could be said in this moment to people she’d only known for so long? She was already taken from her parents, her home -- her world had been turned upside down and now here she was on a Star Destroyer ready to leave everything she found behind. All because it would save them. 

_ Let the past die _ , he told her not so long ago.  _ Kill it if you have to _ . But Rey looked at the comm and couldn’t bring herself to stop. This was for them, she told herself. This was to keep them safe for as long as possible. That’s what she could do for the Resistance. She wouldn’t kill them, she wouldn’t let them die. She’d let them live.

“Tell Finn when he wakes up that I love him and I’ll keep my promise. And tell Leia I’m sorry that —“

A black gloved hand reached out and cut off the signal. She looked to him sharply as he pursed his lips and tilted his head down to her, just as he did on the lift, and for a moment he looked like the Ben Solo she saw and so desperately wanted to see again. But those brown eyes were locked away behind the new face of the Supreme Leader.

Still his voice was soft as he said, “That’s enough” and led her away.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *shrieks* oh my gosh the reaction to this fic is more than I could have ever imagined, omg I can't believe so many of you enjoyed this! Thank you thank you so much to everyone who took the time to read and I hope that you enjoyed it. As far as this chapter goes, I had a blast writing my Resistance babies and I hope you enjoy them as much as I did <3
> 
> As always, your comments and kudos mean the world to me and you're more than welcome to come say hi on [tumblr](https://thereminnsonata.tumblr.com/)<3 <3 <3 
> 
> And thanks to [Tatra](https://archiveofourown.org/users/tatertatra/pseuds/tatertatra) who let me yell about this premise for hours and days on end ;)

* * *

 

 

Leia Organa stood alone on the salt flats of Crait and stared up at the crystal blue sky. She could just make it the sharp angles of the Star Destroyers in orbit miles above her. They were grey slices that carved out the sky, larger than the moon that watched over them. Even from this distance, Leia could make out their landing lights on their bows and sterns. They were the closest thing to civilization on this rock of a planet, but they barricaded them in: always miles above, never relenting with their long, all-seeing eye.

Everyday Leia came out to stand on the salt and stare. Nothing came. A few of the vulptexes would run, their crystal coats tinkling in the sun. But when she turned her gaze skyward, the hulking shapes that haunted her dreams and chased her across the years did nothing. They had been in orbit for nearly two weeks now. They knew where they were hiding; they knew where to find them. General Leia Organa, Rebel War Hero and former New Republic Senator stood out in full view of their optical long, range sensors and spat on the ground. And still no one came.

“General!”

She turned and leaned heavily on her cane as Poe Dameron slid on the white crusted earth. His footprints streamed out red behind him; a smear of blood.

“And what is it that you need me so desperately,” she asked dryly.

Poe stared at her for a moment before turning red around the ears. Most people looked upon Leia Organa as if she were half goddess and half queen, swaddled in the package that could be picked up and carried away. She was always unassuming until she bared her teeth. The squadron leader, on the other hand, always looked at her as if she were going to knock him between the ears and then pinch his cheeks. It didn’t help that she was the closest thing he had left to a mother, and he was the closest thing she had left to a son.

When he smiled she saw Shara Bey and that tenacity that never backed down and he when he looked at her like was doing then, Leia only saw Kes’ fervent desire to follow through. Though she had no claim to Poe on her own, she saw his parents in his every step and her friends reaching out from the Force to say hello.

“We’ve been able to patch through some of the data files on the _Falcon_ and well.” Poe scratched his neck and glanced away. “There is one you need to see.”

Leia frowned and the moment fell away. She sighed and turned her back on the Destroyers that no doubt watched every moment of this exchange. Mother and son, apprentice and mentor faded to the well-worn tracks of general and her soldier.

~

When Chewie careened the _Millenium Falcon_ across the flats a few days before, the remains of the Resistance ran out to meet it, guns brought to bear and fists raised with voices in cries of joy. They waited for the screams of TIE fighters to follow it; old anti-aircraft arrays were forced into service, though they screeched against their will -- but they never came. Chewie landed the _Falcon_ behind the mine’s main doors with the practiced ease of a pilot who had done it one too many times. When Leia considered how much this salted planet reminded her of one made of snow, it didn’t surprise her.

It took them a day to scavenge through the mines to find enough parts to repair the ship to be able to patch it into the Rebel mainframe. Whoever owned the _Falcon_ in the years that it wasn’t Han’s did a number on the communications board, specifically the ability to process communications. Though Chewie set to repairing it with a single-mindedness not many of the fighters understood.

 _SHE NEVER CAME_ , he roared, though few caught his meaning. Threepio gave him a withering shrug as he tried to translate to anyone who would listen. _I WAITED. SHE LEFT A MESSAGE, BUT NEVER CAME._

It took two more days to rework the communications system into something functional. When they were finished they all sat in the old Rebel war room as miles of cable that were the fruits of a dedicated and desperate Wookie.

“This is from Han’s frequency?” Leia asked again hoarsely.

Chewie replied mournfully.

“Alright then,” she said quietly. Despite the multitude of bodies, her voice was the only sound in the room. “Play it.”

The timestamp was almost exact from the moment they touched down on Crait. Leia closed her eyes and held her breath, but it wasn’t the voice of her husband that reached her ears.

 _“When you get this --_ ” the recording shorted for a moment while a throbbing silence filled the void -- “ _don’t come looking for me. I’m alright. I’ll be ok. I just got… sidetracked.”_

Leia glanced sharply at Poe who was staring straight at Finn who looked at the audio receiver like it held the shrinking heart of a sun. She was struck by the image of a spitfire girl she met only a few times and the heavy burden fell on her heart that it was several times too few.

 _"Te_ _ll Finn when he wakes up that I love him and I’ll keep my promise. And tell Leia I’m sorry that —”_

The recording stopped. Then began anew, each cycle repeating the girl’s words over and over. Each time punctuating the finality. Each time Leia strained to catch every hitch in her voice, dissecting every sound

A part of her whispered that it was impossible. She knew Han and the girl had bonded before he went to Starkiller, maybe he told her the codes and Rey knew what would get through to the Resistance regardless of origin.

But Leia knew that there were only four beings in the galaxy that knew Han’s personal frequency - only four that he would ever trust with a code synonymous with his name; Leia was one and Chewie was the other, one was stuck on an island far far away, and the last was a young man miles above them on a Star Destroyer — one whom she hadn’t seen or spoken to in over eight years.

Her shaking hand covered her mouth as the pieces fell into place.

“General?”

The gentle word pulled her back and Leia looked to her friends through tears not yet shed. She cleared her throat. “You said this came two weeks ago. To the day?”

Chewie nodded.

“And where did it hail from?”

A dark-haired communications officer stepped forward, her hand raised hesitantly. “It’s hard to place directly, ma’am. But by best calculations, it came from in system. The signal is strong and clear, it only cuts out because the sender terminated the transmission. The exact hailing is scrambled and with this tech, it would take centuries to unravel for sure, but--”

“You know where it came from,” Leia said.

“There are only a handful of First Order Destroyers built with this type of encryption into their data cores to be run at such a high processing speed, and for the signal to be so thoroughly decayed--”

“Where?” she asked, though in her heart of hearts she already knew. And Leia cursed and cried at the part of her that rejoiced for any news of her son.

“The _Supremacy_ ,” the officer said quietly, “would be a reasonable guess considering that much of their fleet with similar capacities was destroyed when Admiral Holdo charted her course.”

Leia rocked back in her seat. “She’s buying us time,” she said eventually when she could trust her voice. “Rey has entered negotiations with the First Order on our behalf and she’s giving us the time we need to restock, supply and get the hell off this planet.”

Poe’s eyes widened. “That’s why they haven’t attacked.”

Leia nodded, but she couldn’t think. She couldn’t focus. A girl she barely knew stayed with her son so that they could get away. A girl she sent away to find her brother, a girl who was nothing more than a stranger to them all, gave them everything. And she did all that Leia couldn’t bring herself to do. So Leia looked to the _Falcon_ , her ship of dreams, and whispered more to herself than anyone else, “I need some air.”

~

He never saw her again. The last thing Finn remembered of Rey was how the snow settled on her shoulders as she snarled at Kylo Ren before he flung her into a tree.

 _She’s buying us time, she’s buying us time. She’s stuck — trapped —_ Even though it was useless, he glanced up to the rusted ceiling to the skies above where once there was a citadel in the skies, a place where Rey was. His hands trembled as he did his best to be very still in the effort that it would calm every nerve that burned. She was on Snoke's ship, on the same day that he and Rose escaped, the same day that Holdo carved a ship through them. And without a thought, Finn ran away from and he left her behind. He should have known better. He could have gotten her, they could have escaped together and she would be safe. Not a prisoner again only days after getting free.

The thoughts slashed through him, cutting through his mind like branding knives. She was the one constant he could turn to in all this. Sure, he’d left the First Order, but he ran into Rey. They found each other in desperate moments and survived through countless odds only to be separated again and again.

A gentle voice broke through the knives. Rose touched Finn’s shoulder. “Are you alright?”

“Yeah,” he said gruffly. “Yeah, I think so.”

She said nothing. When she didn’t leave, Finn glanced away and sighed. “What do you want me to say, Rose? I feel useless. I feel like this is my fault. I ran away from the First Order -- I led them straight to her and pulled her into this mess. I couldn’t stop them at Maz’s or on Starkiller and now she’s gone and--”

He took a shuddering breath before he opened his eyes, a smoldering fire and an aching rage building in his chest. “And I’m going to make Snoke pay for what he made her do. I’m going to find him, and I’m going to put my gun to that bastard’s chest and make him regret ever doing a thing to us.”

Rose sat next to him on the pallet and gently took his hand. “Save what you love; that’s why we fight,” she said, pressing the broken cord of Hastian smelt into his palm. “Don’t fight against hate. Save what we love.”

“I have to go get her,” he tried, his voice breaking.

“And do what? Sneak aboard the _Supremacy_ again?” She laughed gently and Finn vaguely decided that it sounded like bells. “That worked so well last time.”

“But I have to do something.”

“What would she tell you to do if she was here?” Finn blinked. Rose prodded. “Rey. What would she say?”

That was the question he feared more than anything. He’d known her for only so long: their time on Jakku could hardly have been called a day and while their trips with Solo will always last longer in his mind, it couldn’t have been more than two? Three standard cycles at most? He _knew_ Rey but he didn’t know her and this was his worst nightmare come to life. That he would be left behind in a world where all familiarity was wiped away and he was left with nothing.

A movement from the corner of his eye came into focus. Poe walked back into the room, Leia leaning on his arm. Around him the Resistance waited at their stations, some chatting idly while others paced in corners waiting for orders. Rose squeezed his hand.

Finn closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He was not nothing. He had a name, he had a purpose, he was not alone.

“She’d tell us to keep moving,” he said resolutely, as much for himself as all the eyes upon him. “She never gave up.”

“She wouldn’t want _you_ to give up,” Rose said.

“Planning our next move without me?” Poe asked as he came up alongside the two of them.

“We’re gonna get Rey back," Rose said without hesitation. Finn looked up and smiled.

Leia almost grinned, but she settled for raising an eyebrow. “And how do you propose that? We’re not in any condition to be working up to boarding the _Supremacy_.”

“I got on it once before,” he tried.

“And look what happened,” Leia said gently. It was the furthest thing from a reprimand, but the words still stung. Both he and Rose glanced away, but not before a few fingers tangled with his. “We need to find a way off-world and meet up with our allies. Once we have a more reliable base, we can talk about what we need to do to get her back. I want her here just as much as you do.”

“You mean leave?”

Leia nodded.

Finn stood. “But we already have a base!”

“One they know about,” Poe pointed out. He raised his hands as Finn glared. “Listen, buddy, I know you want to fight but with what? We have no fighters, no fleet, no Republic, no money, no--”

“Hush, before I slap you again,” Leia said under her breath.

“General, I know you’re optimistic, but we have nothing,” Poe said.

Leia raised an eyebrow. “Though Alderaan herself is naught but dust…”

“The star of Alderaan never fades,” Poe finished quietly. The idle work that had begun after Rey's message halted as the remembrance of Alderaan settled over them. They all looked to her. “You’ve been planning this.”

“Call it a contingency I knew would be necessary.” Leia gave a small smile. “Give me access to a mid-rim world and I can assure you, credits will not be a problem. You’ll get your fighters again.”

“So what are we now?” The question came from Finn, but when he looked around the room, he saw it on the lips of every soldier who stood at attention. Who listened to Rey’s voice and Leia’s promise and knew that there was a spark of hope once more.

But Finn looked to Leia who returned his gaze with a heaviness he couldn’t bear. _We’ll get you back, Rey_ , he promised to the salted earth below and the Star Destroyers above. _We’ll get you back_.

“A resistance fights the oncoming tide and tries to keep it at bay. But the New Republic is gone. We have allies, but no Senate to hold the hounds of the First Order at bay. No Senate and political maneuvering to hide us. Resistances can fail. Rebellions, however...” Leia let her words fall and a far-off look came to her eye as she focused on an old, battle-scarred sigil carved into the wall of the mine. “Rebels are built to last.”


	3. Chapter 3

Old spacers would stop by Niima Outpost on their long hauls across the Western Reaches. When Rey was younger and her scavenging days were shorter and she wasn’t expected to haul as much, she would curl into the corners of the trading post bars and listen to their stories.

They told of gas giants with emerald moons sheltered in their orange glow and suns so wet or so dry that they were only one thing. It was on nights like these that Rey first heard of snow; when she would go home she would walk across the dunes pretending they were cold and not crumbling in her wake. They spoke longingly of their ships -- or at some of the ships they saw: great cruisers that were as sleek as newly polished steel and that could cut through time and space without a second thought. They described the thrill of pushing a ship past the speed of light, how their ships spoke to them in loving tones from the sublight engines and purred as they sped past stars. 

When Rey was surrounded by shifting sands and the howling winds, she dreamed that the sound of sublight engines and hyperdrives would lull her to sleep. Now that she lived it, Rey wasn’t sure how delightful it was.

The First Order Star Destroyers were a might of engineering and construction; a masterclass in what was possible and then what could be possible. Every space was utilitarian, every nook and wall and panel had a purpose. Even though these were decades newer and updated with top of the line tech, Rey could still walk the corridors from memory. The rusted hulks of the Graveyard on Jakku were not so different from these monstrosities.

But at least in their death, they had made life. This place was sterilized, shining and polished until every surface melted into the next. Every room, every hall was dark and muted, lit by artificial light and filled with recycled air and for one of the first times in her life, Rey missed the sun.

Her first day on the Destroyer was a blur already fading into memory, but parts of it stood out clear. They evacuated the  _ Supremacy _ almost immediately. Rey followed Kylo to Snoke’s personal escape craft, the red-haired general on their heels. The  _ Finalizer  _ came out of lightspeed not long after and Kylo took to the pilot’s seat himself and steered them

He didn’t look to her, but Rey noticed the subtle ways his hands danced across the console and felt the slight thrum in the Force as if he checked to make sure she was still there. They didn’t speak anymore -- Rey got the feeling that there were things*  better left unsaid with the general around -- but he was there, a presence that she couldn't ignore. Kylo was all she knew and Rey found herself not wanting to let him out of her sigh t.

And then he left. 

As soon as they touched down on the  _ Finalizer _ , Kylo walked away with the man she now knew as Hux at his side. She tried to follow, but a garrison of troopers stopped her, though they parted without question for him.

Kylo glanced back and Rey reached out, but he said nothing. Did nothing. 

A deck officer stepped up. “This way,” he said, more hesitant that Rey would have expected, but she was in too much of a daze to do anything. And she had made a deal. She would stay on this ship, stay with Kylo, save the Resistance. 

She could do this. She could be a prisoner for her friends. 

“The Supreme Leader has briefed us that you will be staying indefinitely,” the officer said. “Appropriate arrangements have been made.”

Rey blinked and then looked back to the receding figure of Kylo Ren. The Supreme Leader. But Snoke was dead, so did that mean? A cold chill ran down her spine. Or had Snoke planned all of this before she came and Kylo killed him? The resolve she had been crafting the past several hours began to crumble. She could feel the interrogation rack hard against her skin, the shocking gasp as she was pulled from a forest to a metal room. And now she was back on the  _ Finalizer _ where it all began.

She half expected to take to an interrogation cell, but she was taken to a to a small room with a single, modest bed, a chest in the corner and a fresher in the back. A lump rose in her throat. Who would have guessed that she would have the most she’s ever had in the belly of a First Order Star Destroyer.

The officer left her without a word and palmed the door shut. Biting her lip and wishing away tears, Rey walked around the room once before grabbing a blanket and sleeping in a corner on the floor. The bed looked too soft. She was asleep within minutes to the rumbling sound of sublight engines.

The second day she waited.

No one came. She walked around the walls of the room, prying scrap and pieces of tech she didn’t understand from the walls. 

The third day she waited again. 

No one came. She busied herself with figuring out the fresher and took a bath for the better part of the day before she went back to her corner and went to sleep.

The fourth day she waited.

By the chrono it was about halfway through the day when she heard the rolling weight of a BB-series astromech droid with more than few familiar whistles.

“Beebee-eight?” Rey hurried to the door, a small crystal of hope forming in her chest. She palmed the door open in time to catch a spherical droid rolling down the hall. But unlike her friend, this one was in black plate metal, rimmed with polished chrome. The head unit was a flattened version of BB-8’s dome with a single narrow photoreceptor. 

She stepped into the hall and then glanced back to her room. No alarms went off as she stepped outside. The door was unlocked and realization dawned that she wasn’t locked in like she thought. She glanced up at the walls. She could explore, she could get out she could --

The droid made some undistinguished noise at her feet. Rey looked at and frowned. 

“Who are you?”

The droid bleeped angrily at her and it took her a moment to register, but it actually hissed at her too.

“No, no,” she said quickly, taking a step back. “I’m supposed to be here. I think. I was just looking for a--”

It hissed again and rolled into her shin. Hard. 

“Ow!”

For once, the droid looked pleased. 

“Fine!” Rey stepped back into the room and closed the door, but the droid’s head unit barred the door open. 

“You are ridiculous,” she muttered under her breath. The droid bleeped again before hissing. “What now?”

A single mechanical arm extended from one of its grills, a pincer opening and closing. Rey blindly reached back to the cluster of scrap she collected a few days prior and pulled out a piece. She set the part in front of the droid, who just stared at it and then back to Rey. It did that several times. Rey settled back on the bed. “It’s not going to hurt you. It’s yours.”

The droid hissed and then bleeped unconvincingly before collecting the part and rolling away.

Days five through seven were less interesting. 

Rey waited. 

She bathed until her skin was soft and red and she pried more devices from the walls. On day six, she tried sleeping in the bed. She curled onto the mattress and pulled the blanket up to her shoulders. The pillow under her head was plump from disuse, the sheets for once not threadbare. They were far from luxury, but they were luxurious beyond what Rey had ever known. She made it about three standard hours before she moved back to the floor. Still too soft.

No one came.

Day eight she decided she was done waiting and as soon as she woke, she dressed and walked out into the hall. She made it roughly forty meters before a trio of stormtroopers halted her in her path. They were clad in black, shining armor and armed to the teeth, the heavy blaster rifles slung in their hands with the ease of people who had been carrying them near their entire lives. Rey swallowed and stilled; she was caught, there was no place to go. If she moved fast enough, she could maybe use the Force to push one of them back, but Luke had taught her next to nothing about  _ how _ to use the Force and that still left two--

“The door was open,” she said, her hands raising into the air. For the first time, she missed the weight of her blaster in its holster and the weight of her saber on her hip. The shattered remains of the Skywalker lightsaber were tucked under her mattress, but it was far from any sort of repair she could give it. 

The stormtroopers didn’t say anything. Rey slowly backed away. They followed. She took another step. So did they. Frowning, she lowered her hands and turned away. The stormtroopers did nothing. Rey went to the end of the hall and turned. They followed. That went on for some time until she got to one corridor and they still trailed behind her, a trio in formation with their blasters in arms, but arms at ease.

“Are you following me?” The didn’t come closer than ten feet when she stopped. Rey knew she still wore her clothes that she had when she left Ach-to, but she’d worn worse things longer and she had taken so many baths that she knew she couldn’t smell. Or so she hoped.

The one on the right didn’t exactly nod their head, but the tilt of the helmet was enough for her. “Following orders.”

“From who?” she dared to ask.

Nothing. Rey glanced away. “Ah. Well. I’m going to explore. I’ve done enough sitting.”

The stormtroopers said nothing and followed. 

She spent days nine through twelve wandering the section of the Destroyer. On day nine she found the lifts, but they were all on lockdown. The stormtroopers said nothing, but Rey bit her lip and masked her disappointment. Day ten she guessed that she was on one of the upper decks with a few cabins and one singular mess hall, but away from the general barracks and a deck that was surprisingly abandoned for a Destroyer of this size. From the old Imperial Destroyers, she guessed it was once used to house sons of governors on routine systems cursory missions. 

Now it was used to house a single Jedi. If Rey could even call herself that.

Days eleven and twelve, Rey decided that while she wasn’t a prisoner, but  _ what _ exactly she was, she wasn’t sure. The three stormtroopers in jet black armor tailed her through the halls, but the weren’t her escorts, nor did they try to direct her steps. They seemed to be there more for the benefit of every other First Order soldier she passed. They looked at her as if she were scum that would consume them whole, and then they saw the retinue behind her and their placid faces became a shade smugger.

Day thirteen Rey did nothing. She had seen the boundary of her cage and explored every crack. At least in her room, there were no strangers to gawk at her and she could pretend this place was hers.

Day fourteen she woke on the cold floor. 

Two weeks. 

She had been on the  _ Finalizer _ for two weeks and she had made a deal with Kylo for two weeks. But to what end? Since they left his shuttle, she had seen nothing of him -- heard nothing. Not a summons or a visit or anything. Nothing. What did she expect: that she would see him every day? That he would keep her at his side like some sort of pet? Or did she anticipate simple interrogation, kept in a cell that he could lord over and look at like some sort of prize? Everything she knew about her world and the Resistance was taken by Snoke, but Kylo knew nothing, yet he left her alone.

He took her from everything she knew and cast her aside, forgotten in the bowels of a ship.

Pulling the blanket around her, Rey went to her pile of scrap and picked the sharpest piece she could find and stood in front of the largest wall. It was black and tall and if Rey stood on the chair, she could reach the highest corner. 

“I made a mistake,” she whispered to the empty room. “I shouldn’t have stayed, this was a mistake.”

She reached out and scratched fourteen lines in the farthest corner. Fourteen lines. Fourteen days. Fourteen days she’d been on the  _ Finalizer _ . Fourteen days that the Resistance was safe.Tears pricked her eyes and her shoulders trembled as she struggled to keep back the cries. 

She’d  found so much only to lose it just as fast and now Rey stood alone in a piece of Imperial machinery, tallying the days of her life. The scrap fell from her hands, clanking against the floor. Rey stumbled back, choking back sobs that she couldn’t contain until she feel on the bed. Curling into a ball, she clutched her arms to her chest, burying her head in a pillow that was too soft, on a bed that wasn’t hard enough in a Star Destroyer that was too dark and too far from the sun. Her body shook as she cried and let out everything she’d held onto for two weeks. 

She was alone. She was left behind. She was the child of no one, she was unloved. She gave everything for people she didn’t know and Rey wanted to hope that they would do the same for her, but it had been two weeks and she’d heard  _ nothing _ . The sobs came harder, thrashing and building until each wave came on top of the other. She couldn’t breathe, she couldn’t speak, she could only cry and reach out with everything she had. 

She screamed into the pillow, her cries echoed off the walls. The pile of scrap shook in the corner. Still no one came. Not the troopers Rey knew were stationed at the end of the hall, not the angry droid that patrolled the halls at night. And certainly not the Supreme Leader who would have had to be dead to not hear that cry.

When her body stilled and her lungs slowly refilled, Rey opened her eyes and fell into the numbness left behind. All she could see were the tallies she made on the wall and her pile of scrap. Beneath her, the sublight engines hummed, but Rey might as well have never left Jakku. She at least had hope then. 

She winced as the room narrowed and throbbed, pulled by a prick in the corner of her mind. Rey’s gaze was pulled in a direction with the magnetism that could only come from a force not her own. Slowly she sat up and wiped her nose with the back of her hand. 

Kylo Ren stood with his back to her, his shoulders straight and his hair washed, gentle curls curling at his collar. He glanced behind, slow at first and then he turned to face her fully with all the weight and awe in the world. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you guys are the absolute best, I am blown away by the response to this story. i read and reread every comment I get and they all make me smile -- thank you so so so much! I know the last chapter was Resistance focused, but I had to get them set up before we get to the heart of our story *wink wink*
> 
> As always, your comments and kudos and love for this story is amazing and encourages me to write it. Thank you all so much for your support! And if you're interested, I've started a pinterest board for this project I'm thinking of posting on [my tumblr](https://thereminnsonata.tumblr.com/) if you're interested :)
> 
> I also listened to [Force of Nature by Bea Miller](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ynw0fGVZcU0) and [Ashes of Eden by Breaking Benjamen](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=us8hpkku96A) pretty much on repeat while writing this.
> 
> Every thanks to bitternsake and Tatra and nymja for reading over this and letting me yell about it at all hours of the day and night <333333
> 
> \-------------------------
> 
> Rey's stormtrooper guards are inspired by [death troopers](http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Death_trooper)


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It never stopped, not from the moment the shuttle landed on the Finalizer. Hux led him away, whispering words like succession and ascension with sniveling phrases attaching him to thrones and crowns and power. In theory, this was everything he wanted: he was free, he was alone, and he held the might of the galaxy in the palm of his hand. But if he so much as closed his finger around it, Kylo was afraid it would all crumble away like sand.

* * *

His past two weeks were fabricated to be his own personal torment. Or at least Kylo assume that’s what Hux planned.

It never stopped, not from the moment the shuttle landed on the _Finalizer_. Hux led him away, whispering words like _succession_ and _ascension_ with sniveling phrases attaching him to thrones and crowns and power. In theory, this was everything he wanted: he was free, he was alone, and he held the might of the galaxy in the palm of his hand. But if he so much as closed his finger around it, Kylo was afraid it would all crumble away like sand.

He turned back to look at her -- at Rey. She stared at. him, surrounded by white plastic and and unsteady officer, looking to him for guidance, reassurance, anything.

But just like her he was lead away. Unlike her, he didn’t look back.

Walking onto the bridge of the _Finalizer_ should have felt like coming home, but instead it was walking into a nest of hornets. Hux walked with assurance and pardon, Kylo stalked behind him, a feral thing compared to his countenance. To his relief, Hux left him and the comparison behind, leaving him open for a single officer to approach.

“We’ve tracked the remaining transports to the mineral planet, Crait. Preliminary scans suggest they’ve found an old rebel base with a sizable shield generator. They are able to repel any of our surface barrages, however a ground force would be able to penetrate…”

The man trailed off. “Sir?”

Kylo stared out the viewport to the slight outline of a planet suspended in the distance. It looked like nothing from here. A ball of rock forgotten in space. But everything he fought against lived down there. It would be so easy, so simple to snuff it out.

“Should we proceed, sir?”

Yes, hovered on his tongue, and then he saw her, Rey, standing in front of him bloodied and broken. And her deal, her promise rang clearly in his mind.

“No!”

The entire bridge stopped. No heads turned, but Kylo felt a hundred eyes on the back of his head. He cleared his throat. “No. Right now they’re not worth our efforts.”

Hux stood not too far away passing on orders, discussing with his deck officer, but Kylo knew he was listening to every word.

Kylo turned to the officer at his side, his voice as low and even as possible. “Tell the _Mercurial_ to stay in orbit around that planet. Full scans. Record only. No interventions. No attacks.”

“But sir-- the rebels--”

“Are not your concern,” he snapped. “Leave them to me.”

~

The rest of his days were a blur, a fading visage that blended days and nights. Every hour pounded home the mistake he made. Every honorific bestowed on him nailed it further. Supreme Leander. Even his dreams were filled with torment, relieving every act of failure, every act to make reparations. He saw her face as he offered her the galaxy again and again, even as he shut it out. He was keeping his end of the bargain. They were safe. He had to keep her hidden too. If the First Order learned a Jedi walked among them, no in chains, not bound to him — they’d kill her without a second thought and he’d be forced to kill them.

He was the Supreme Leader, and already his rule and mind was splashed with blood.

Only in the fleeting moments between wake and sleep did he find any peace.

~

“ _A boy_?”

Kylo walked away from the shuttle bay, each step falling hard. Hair that was forced into submission now hung wildly in front of his eyes; every part of his outfit that was picked for power now fell away leaving rage behind.

“ _This is who we are supposed to follow? A child?_ ”

His breathing came fast. They were planetside on Coruscant for less than ten standard hours and Kylo never wanted to step foot on that rock again. The meeting was brief, useless, pointless — establishes nothing that Kylo couldn’t have predicted.

“ _We have requirements and safeguards for this very occasion that were set forth at the consecration of this organization and this deviation is a most devastating breach of protocol._ ”

They were fools, sitting in chairs far from the front lines, far from seeing the truth of the galaxy at their fingertips. They sat around him, a group of fat, aging vultures that saw only their own gains as he read from the script Hux gave him, trying to win them over.

“ _How did the Supreme Leader die?_ ”

They looked at him and only saw his youth, his scarred face and the legacy his mother gave him. They didn’t see what he could see.

“ _In the interim, we will agree to the current line of succession, but only until more detailed plans can be finalized._ ”

And yet they saw him oh so clearly.

_You are insufficient._

General Kaddas looked at him down the long line of his nose, thin lips curling into a sneer. Though Kylo told them of Snoke’s delusions, spun the tale of how Snoke tried to kill him, he knew the men saw their master’s attack dog, unmuzzled and sitting in front of them.

_You are unbalanced._

The Core World representatives merely raised an eyebrow as he walked into the room. He kept Rey from the conversation; he didn’t think about her — he hadn’t let himself think of her for weeks. How could he, without letting the entire ship know of her presence; without letting everyone know he let a Jedi on board and not as a prisoner and in exchange he let the Resistance go? Though he’d been out of such functions for years, Kylo knew better and remembered well enough: measuring him up and finding him wanting.

_You are unworthy._

Kylo yelled, smashing his fist into the pristine wall. It cracked into spider veins, the rush of blood carrying screaming pain as the numbness faded away.

“That went so very well, Supreme Leader,” Hux said dryly, coming up behind him. “If we managed to convince one governor that you are worthy of this title, I will eat my hat.”

Kylo reached out and tightened his fingers. Hux staggered and choked. “You set me up.”

Hux sputtered. “I did… I did no -- such.. thing. These were protocols installed by Snoke in the event that his death preceded proper succession channels.”

Kylo dropped him at the mention of Snoke. The general fell hard and fast to the floor, gasping for air while Kylo backed away. His hands shook, his back flush against the wall. For the briefest of moments he feared this moment of weakness, of what it would mean when the Supreme Leader called him to his side and rifled through his thoughts and intents.

He ran a hand through his hair while he tried to get a handle on his breathing. But no, Snoke was dead. Kylo killed him himself, his body ejected from his escape craft’s airlock. No matter what dark power he drew on, the bowels of space swallowed him whole with the rest of debris. And yet, here was his old master pulling strings and manipulating lines, shoving failure into his face.

Even though he won, there was no victory.

Kylo reached out a hand to steady himself.

“Where are you going?” Hux stammered. “We still have-”

Kylo didn’t need to look back to pull the general to him. He held him tight in the Force grip, hovering him a few inches off the ground. “I am leaving. If you come after me, I will kill you, personally.”

“Then you sign your own death warrant,” Hux said with a bloody smile, with more ease that Kylo would have preferred. “You want the generals on your side? The governors to fall in line? Your tantrums alone won’t be enough to keep them in line. Face it, Ren. You need me.”

Kylo flung him to the side, the sound of his body hitting the wall giving him more than an ounce of satisfaction.

He locked himself in as soon as he reached his rooms. He stood in the center, panting, body shaking with emotion barely concealed. Snoke’s curling words reached across time, sweet and soothing, digging claws into old wounds. The Supreme Leader, master of systems, with the galaxy ready to bend under his thumb, was nothing more than a lost boy. A failure. Worthless, expendable, frail.

He turned, ready to swing at the mocking wall, and that’s when the Force reached out and he saw her again.

~

“It still works,” he said softly at the same time Rey lunged forward.

“You cold hearted, ruthless snake.”

Kylo didn’t move and his face hardened. “So we’re back to that, are we?”

Silence thrummed between them. The gaping maw of the Force opened wide. He stood on solid ground and he saw the blank walls of his room. But she was there, standing at the edge of his bed. For the briefest of moments, he thought she was truly there -- that if he reached out he would feel her solidly under him -- but reality reverberated and Kylo knew better.

But he couldn’t deny the part of him that looked upon this part of them in wonder. And hope. Snoke was dead, the bond should be dead and yet here they were -- so close they could almost touch.

She stood trembling, her hands curled into fists. “I have been down here for fourteen days, you cowardly, murderous —“

“I didn’t mean—“

Rey cut him off. “Bastard.”

Kylo stilled.

“You left me.” She walked forward, the air around her shaking. He saw it then: the swollen eyes, red and rimmed with tears; the nose raw and flushed, tear stained cheeks. Kylo didn’t need to reach through the Force to tell him what had transpired. The young woman before him was nothing more than a wound, an aching gash of loss and pain spiraling out of control. Rage shot through and latched onto him and Kylo couldn’t blame her. “Fourteen days ago, I said I would come with you if you left the Resistance alone and what did you do? You locked me in the hull of your Destroyer, forgetting about me, leaving me to rot with no on but a trio of stormtroopers to make sure I didn’t try and escape. But escape from what? I said I’d stay, I said I’d do what you asked but you still locked me up--”

“If this is so unpleasant, a change in accommodations can be arranged,” he said lowly.

Rey almost laughed. “What’s the difference between where I am now and an interrogation rack? At least on a rack I’d know where we’d stand.”

“They’re still alive,” he blurted out.

She glanced up, the snarl falling away. “What?”

“They’re still on Crait. We left a Destroyer in orbit, they’re keeping track--”

“You told me you’d forget about them. That was part of our deal.”

“I’ve conveniently forgotten that there are war criminals hiding in an old Rebel bunker, and the _Mercurial_ is conducting a geological survey.”

Rey scoffed. “Did they believe that?”

If by they, she meant the senior officers, Hux and everyone else looking over his shoulder, then yes. They didn’t exactly need to know.

“I’m holding my end of the bargain.”

“Prove it.”

“What?”

“Prove it. Show me that they’re still alive and I didn’t do all this for nothing. Show me that in two weeks you didn’t just take me away and kill everyone I love.”

He tried not to flinch. He wasn’t sure if he succeeded. “I can’t just— I told you I’ve been--”

The connection slammed shut, a heavy metal blast door formed in the Force falling between them. The swirling stopped, the world around him coming back with sudden clarity. His room was the same as he left it, a black void that was filled with only him.

He didn’t remember summoning Lieutenant Mitaka, but when he arrived at his door, Kylo had a single question.

“Where is the girl being kept?”

Mitaka glanced at him blankly. “Your Excellency?”

“The Jedi.” Kylo fist clenched, his teeth grinding together. “Where is she?”

“On 206X,” he said after a moments perusal of the ship’s system. Kylo left without a word, leaving Mitaka open mouthed and confused behind him.

~

It took him twenty minute to navigate the halls of the _Finalizer_. Once, he knew each passage by heart. It was a familiarity brewed by years of walking the halls of a ship he alone could claim as his. The bleeding heart of the Star Destroyer was pledged to him and no matter how much time away could take the trust in the ship from him. But as he walked the halls, Kylo found that he knew nothing about them.

Where he walked, the halls vacated: officers and shipmen finding convenient excuses to get out of his way. It was like this before -- when he walked around in his mask, he was a force no one wanted to look beneath. And he wanted no one in his way. But as he walked alone through the halls, he swelled in the Force, a brooding cloud crackling with energy begging to be expended, a small voice whispered that this was how they would always see him. Even his men, like the governors and generals before, only saw him as the Supreme Leader who would drive them all to ruin, just as he did himself.

It was a miracle that the lift came to her floor with all its pieces intact.

Her deck was vacated, staffed with bare bones. He could feel the few individuals who drew the short straws finding themselves busy far away from where he was. Kylo was glad for it.

When he reached her hall, the shadows at the end moved. Kylo merely gave them a cursory glance. The death troopers stood at attention, staring blankly into the distance. Their sharp angles were not a far cry from Snoke’s own Praetorian Guard. The call to many of Kylo’s own torments narrowed his vision, tinting the edges red.

Yet another force under Hux’s thumb that he could shoot into his spine.

An unpleasant chill went down his neck. Shoving it to the side, he stood straight. They would be dealt with later. After Hux and the rest of the doubters has been taken care of. A list that was once only a few names long now stretched across star systems; names that rivaled his mother’s in prowess and power. His hands shook. Kylo forced himself to still, to forget it all -- that wasn’t why he was here now.

But his mind was a raging sea and the only hope was a light fading far on the horizon.

The door opened. He would have jumped if he was a lesser man. Rey stood on the other side. She stood up straight when she saw him before her shoulders fell. Rey groaned. “Hell, I don’t want to do this again. There has got to be some way to turn this off.”

She waved a hand, as if expecting to pass right through him; instead, she ran into his chest. She was warm, that was the first thing he noticed before she stepped back, eyes wide. The clean, sterile smell of rationed soap reached his nose. A part of him was disappointed; it didn’t suit her.

They stood in front of each other, doing nothing but breathing. Neither of them were ready for this. What possessed him to think this was a good idea? Even though the room was different, she looked like the last time he saw her. If he closed his eyes, they would still be in the throne room, surrounded by broken bodies and burning cloth, the feeling of his body pressed to hers. But they were light years from that place, and as far apart as they ever had been.

“What are you doing here?”

“I wanted to make sure you,” he trailed off as he glanced around her room. It was sparse, it was plain, save for fourteen tally marks scratched into the wall. Timidly, he reached out in the Force and was overwhelmed by a surge of loneliness and pain. Slowly, he turned back to her.

Rey rubbed her eyes and wiped her nose. “I’m sure that was going to be another biting comment on my heritage,” she said sharply, her voice hoarse. “But thank you for descending from on high to check. I have to go.”

She pushed past him, very careful to not look him in the eyes. He couldn’t help but turn and follow. “Where?”

She sighed. “Nowhere really. You’ve made sure of that.”

He wanted to say something to that, he wanted to deny it, but this was a First Order Destroyer and he was the Supreme Leader and everything in the end came back to him. From the smallest insufficiency, to the the might of battleships, every fault came back to him.

Rey walked out of her room. The death troopers stood at attention and she halted. He watched the rigidness of her spine, the very root of her being hating every moment of this. The troopers were always there, always ready and able to follow her, their blasters in arms, and as they walked behind her, possibly raised at her back.

“Why are you really here?” she asked suddenly.

His mouth went dry. “You said you wanted proof.” Rey looked at him blankly. She had the same look in her eye as he did; the drought exhaustion pulling her at the seams. Her face was still splotched from crying, the red patches slowly fading. “About the Resistance.”

Unconvinced, she took a step forward. “And you’ll give it to me? Just like that?”

“You want to get out?” She called this place a cage although this room was nicer than almost every other deck bunk on the ship. Kylo knew enough about cages though, even as he still thrashed against the bars he set himself. “Come with me and I’ll give you your proof.”

He didn’t hold out a hand, but he stood in the doorway and waited for her to turn. She hesitantly took a step and looked past. She still looked like she did when she came to him on the _Supremacy_ , when she stood at his side against Snoke, when she fought until her limbs were pulled and she had nothing left. Her hair was still the same, not the three buns he saw often enough in dreams and visions, but even he couldn’t deny the way her hair curled at her shoulders. He didn’t need the bond to know what ran through her mind: At one end was the death troopers and the circuit he knew she’d walked a thousand times; at the other end was proof.

He held out truth and hung it in front of her like bait.

She asked for the truth, he told himself, it wasn’t bait. But the roaring storm of his mind crashed over him, forcing him to find his footing again.

He found a small still part in the storm when small when she nodded and fell in line at his side.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again I cannot day enough how blown away I am by all your feedback and love for this story! I hope that you’re enjoying it as much as I am!
> 
> I’m in the mountains for the new year so internet permitting you might get another update here in a few days :)
> 
> Thank you to Christy for the song recommendation!!
> 
> As always check me out on tumblr (thereminnsonata) where i finally have a mood board for this fic and thank you so much to my incredible beta bittersnake and nymja for helping me talk out all these crazy details ❤️❤️❤️


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Rey’s eyes opened._
> 
> _He was curled on the edge of his bed, his back to her, hands limp in his lap. This was the man the galaxy called the Supreme Leader, the man the First Order obeyed without question and the galaxy bowed on his whim. Even now as she followed him in the Force, he was a blinding storm with crashes of lightning illuminating the tumultuous clouds. He was a storm confined to a pin, essences boiled down to a man, yet he shone across the ship and Rey found herself drawn._
> 
> _Rey had nothing to say. He didn’t turn._
> 
> _Just as before, the Force thrummed between them, the world around them fading to a haze. Rey wondered if she reached out if she could pluck reality like a string. If she touched out of the haze, would he feel it? They had touched hands before, now feeling so long ago, and Rey couldn't help but wonder what would it feel like to reach out and feel him again?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so if you didn't notice, I finally finished my grand outline for this thing and it looks like we're shooting for 25 chapters! i'll adjust that as we go, but here's to hoping I can stay on track. 
> 
> Last chapter was the last of the exposition, so I hope you enjoy this fic as we start to dive into the meat of the story. I hope you all like it, this chapter was one of my favorites to write so far!
> 
> I hope you all had a lovely new year!! I spent it on a couch in the mountains, not much can beat that ;)
> 
> as always, thank you so much for all your comments and love, it means the world to me <33 come visit me on tumblr ([thereminnsonata](https://thereminnsonata.tumblr.com%20)) if you're so inclined!

* * *

 

 

Kylo wasn’t lying.

It was a concept that Rey wasn’t exactly unfamiliar with, but had little incentive to believe. Truth and trust were very close things, concepts that were inherently untwined and so despite knowing him better -- seeing him be better -- Rey still looked at him and expected lies to fall from his lips. This time, she looked back and replayed the entire encounter over and over until the truth settled and became natural.

Kylo wasn’t lying. Kylo Ren hadn’t lied.

The Resistance was alive.

He kept his end of the deal. They were still on her deck - at least that’s how Rey saw it, seeing as how there was no one else here but her -- but there was a spare communications console that Kylo quickly overrode.

She gripped the edge of the console when the holos began, her limbs useless beneath her. There was no audio, but the figure of Leia Organa was unmistakable -- a steady mark against the white earth. She stood out there for some time before a second figure ran up. Intelligence suggested either Corporal Finas or Captain Niels, but Rey knew better. She’d only met the man once, but Poe Dameron left a mark not easily erased.

It felt like she was intruding on a private moment through fuzzy lenses shot thousands of miles away. Her heart swelled as Leia glanced up at the sky before walking. Back to the base, leaning on her cane. Rey. Glanced up. The cane was new… what happened while she was…

Kylo stood against the wall in the far corner. A dark smudge on a black wall. At least his clothes seemed to match the title of the Supreme Leader, though his moods were anything but. When she glanced over at him from time to time, he only looked at his feet or the ceiling above her head, anything except the data file with his mother. At least he didn’t have the gall to try and make himself look busy. No. The man would rather stand in silence and suffer.

Even so, Rey didn’t miss his sharp inhale when Leia first hobbled onto the salt. So the cane was news to him too. Or maybe he was just playing along, not that it mattered. He told her the truth, but Rey wasn’t stupid. She knew she’d get no answers from him.

She thumbed through the feed, skipping back and forward, looking forward. There were days of footage, but the First Order clipped it down to a reasonable amount filled with the more interesting personnel. Leia walking out and staring up at the Destroyers every morning, Poe coming out to get her. Every now and then another figure would come, but Rey didn’t recognize any of them. And then a tall young man in a sharp blue jacket walked out onto the salt, his dark skin in sharp relief to the white flats around him.

Finn.

Rey paused the tape and reached a shaking hand out to where his face was magnified a million times. It stuttered and shattered into holo fragments, but he was still there. She glanced at the timestamp. This was taken just twenty standard hours ago-- A breathless laugh escaped her; stars, Finn was alive.

The tape picked up again and Rey watched with a careless smile. For this moment, she forgot about Kylo, she forgot about the First Order and her deal -- her friends were alive. The Resistance was alive and safe and that’s all that mattered.

A second figure came out onto the salts, a girl shorter than him with short black hair and wavy bangs. She leaned on his arm and stood with him for a moment, before tugging him back inside. Rey couldn’t quite tell from this resolution, but it looked like Finn smiled. The clip ended and replayed again.

It replayed six times before she powered it down.

“Can I come see them again?” She looked to him hopefully, hoping that the tears in her eyes weren’t so noticeable. “I won’t be a bother, I won’t ask too much, I just…”

_I want to see them, I want to see them, I want to see you tell the truth._

He walked to the console, powering it down. 

“I’ll…” He glanced down at her before finishing softly, “I’ll see what I can do.”

He walked back to her hall where he left her again.

But it was different than when he left her in the _Finalizer_ ’s hangar bay, simply because he told her the truth and he said he would let her see her friends and Rey held onto that in the days to come. Which were unsurprisingly uneventful.

The stormtroopers followed her. They told her nothing, they did nothing, even when Rey started calling them names. That was a mild disappointment. The scary little droid stalked her. And Kylo stayed away.

For the most part, that was a comfort. Though the loneliness never waned, instead waiting like a corrupt snake in the shadows, Rey had a feeling that any renewed or heightened interest by any of the parties would be a sign of things about to go poorly. So she settled for dreaming instead.

She hadn’t a star map and only had the stars above Jakku to dream of, but she heard enough stories to pass the time. Long haul spice traders whispering of the green of Naboo or the endless light of Coruscant. Occasionally they’d share holos and Rey would scrape between knees to catch a glimpse of the far-off worlds. Coruscant, Naboo, Corellia -- the seats of kings in her mind; places of avalon and glory beyond reality.

And now she was in a ship traveling the stars. By now she could be anywhere in the galaxy but couldn’t see it. What she wouldn’t give for some sort of viewport. She sat cross-legged on her bed, fingers tapping aimlessly on the wall, but then stilled as a familiar voice reached her as if shouting across the way.

_You’re short-sighted, only seeing what you want to see._

Closing her eyes, Rey took a deep breath, and then another. She knew so little, Luke had taught her so little, but he taught her how to reach out and feel. She could feel the wearing fabric of her clothes, once rough now soft and familiar on her skin. She felt the sweat across her brow, the warmth of her skin and the chill of the air. She felt the weight of the ship around her, fostering life and death in every aspect of the process.

And then beyond it all, the weight of space around them, the heavy blackness, the gaping void ready to rush in at the slightest weakness and crush them all; the swirling mass of heavy neutron stars, the burning cold and brilliant light coming together in a harmony able to produce and sustain life.

She pulled herself back, reaching out to the _Finalizer_ itself, which crawled like a hive, perfectly in tune with the order required of it. There were too many minds, too many beings, but Rey felt them all; felt their comfort, joy, anger, rage. She felt their consciousness brush against hers, oblivious to her observation, but despite them being of the First Order, Rey reached out in the Force and saw the same might, the same harmony as she saw among the stars.

And there…

Rey’s eyes opened.

He was curled on the edge of his bed, his back to her, hands limp in his lap. This was the man the galaxy called the Supreme Leader, the man the First Order obeyed without question and the galaxy bowed on his whim. Even now as she followed him in the Force, he was a blinding storm with crashes of lightning illuminating the tumultuous clouds. He was a storm confined to a pin, essences boiled down to a man, yet he shone across the ship and Rey found herself drawn.

Rey had nothing to say. He didn’t turn.

Just as before, the Force thrummed between them, the world around them fading to a haze. Rey wondered if she reached out if she could pluck reality like a string. If she touched out of the haze, would he feel it? They had touched hands before, now feeling so long ago, and Rey couldn't help but wonder what would it feel like to reach out and feel him again?

And as quickly as he appeared, he vanished, leaving her staring at the opposite wall where fourteen lines were scratched into the wall. She told herself to tally any more of the days and so far she’d been faithful to that. But the surge of loss shook her hands. And not just loss from herself.

She saw him so clearly, so distinctly: a man so caught in the current off the Force that he barely kept his head above the water. A man so ready to drown.

And she felt him not there, in the corner of her mind, a pulse to a heart that was not her own.

Closing her eyes again, Rey reached out and turned inward to that spot, to the hook he left in her. Wrapping her hands around it, she leaned against it and pulled.

~

_A boy, alone and afraid, lost and insecure, falling against a tide he can’t resist any longer to a fate he’s too numb to fear._

_A girl, lost and left behind, afraid for a future to come and a truth to be told to the point where she forgets and locks a part of herself away._

_And in between them, a dream. An island. A balance. A force built in the dark places between stars._

~

Kylo screamed.

He couldn’t think, couldn’t see: the only thing in his eyes were red and blood and pain. He crumbled next to his bed, his hands clutching and clawing the back of his head. In the haze he couldn’t remember who he was, or where he was, he only knew

As quickly as it came, it vanished, pulling back to a spot in the corner of his mind that echoed with the touch of her. Only after the pain subsided did he dare pull a hand away. No blood. He wasn’t bleeding, this wasn’t Hux shooting him in the skull through walls, this wasn’t something burrowing its way into his mind, no.

His lips curled into a snarl, his teeth parted, and he heaved against his panting breath: this was something else.

Kylo turned, hands trembling. “What did you do?”

“I don’t know,” she said. Rey was sitting cross-legged on something -- her bed, he thought latently, the bed she didn’t sleep in -- but she stumbled out of the position and slowly shortened the distance between them. Her eyes were wide, her mouth hanging open, as she stared at him in disbelief.

“I don’t know what I did, I was just meditating and then I found you in my head and I was curious to see if I could move it, so I tried—”

He snapped, clutching the back of his head. “I felt that!” Whatever she did still pulsed and stung, and though he knew better, Kylo wouldn’t be surprised if when he removed his hand, it would come back with blood.  “Don’t ever do that again.”

“I won’t!” Rey said quickly. “It was an accident, I didn’t mean--”

He watched as she started to walk closer and then stop. Her face hardened into the resolve he was more used to seeing to seeing from her. She paused and looked up, her brow furrowed. “Why not?”

Kylo stared at her for a moment. “I would prefer to not die from an untrained adept’s foolish manipulations.”

“I am not untrained!” Kylo said nothing. Rey looked away, the heated flush draining from her face. “I’m trying to not be untrained, alright? I’m trying to be a Jedi and figure out the Force or whatever--”

“Killing me will not teach you about the Force.” His lip curled as she said _Jedi_. So she still hung onto that dream and the ramblings of that old man. Her world was still so narrow,  so small, so unable to see anything beyond the reach of her sight. There was no ambition, no potential. His mouth curled into a sneer as he paced. “Nor will it make you a Jedi.”

_“_ And what do you know about being a Jedi?”

“I know enough.” She backed away when he turned. The scar pulled at the corner of his eye. “But if you’re so curious to learn about the Force, would you like me to pry you from my head?”

Rey said nothing. Kylo turned away.“That’s what I thought.”

“I still have to learn,” she said.

_You need a teacher_.

Kylo almost laughed. He had offered this girl the galaxy -- all the power he could combine -- he’d offered it to her twice in such a short time and here she was, practically offering herself as a student, begging for a teacher. Vaguely Kylo wondered if she came to Luke the same way.

But for all his ambition, all his prowess, all he wanted in the galaxy and beyond, Kylo wanted to be left alone. She’d made it clear where they stood. If she wanted to learn to her own ruin, so be it.

“Then keep it away from me.”

A part of him was proud when he slammed the connection shut. She could somehow pry his mind from the inside out, but he could still shut her away. Or shut her away enough; the spot in the corner of his mind still raged from her fooling. But even all his pride didn’t keep him from stumbling as the world rushed back and she vanished. Kylo was left with the roaring seas of his mind he screamed alone in his empty room.

~

_Then keep it away from me._

It should have been an easy enough instruction to follow.

Rey never tried to pull on the spot, _his_ spot, again. That didn’t mean that Rey didn't take to trying other things in her spare time. Which, thanks to her deal with the Supreme Leader, she had plenty of time to spare. At least once a day she meditated and maybe she meditated more on the bond between them. It was possible.

In the bed in her room, while much too soft to sleep on, was a perfect place for meditation. She sat there and imagined the salt sea of Ach-To and Luke’s sighing eyes and the whispered words that fell between the waves.

She drifted across her room, focusing on that spot in her mind. The temptation was always to grab it and pull, to wrench it from her mind. Not necessarily to pull him out, but to look at it, examine it and figure it out before she put it back. While she was a scavenger by necessity, that desire to pick a thing apart and see how it fits into the larger whole still waited with bated breath.

This time, Rey meditated on it instead. She took the spot in her hands and held it and felt. Nothing happened. The Force did nothing. Disappointed, she sighed and opened her eyes and her mouth fell open. “Oh…”

He didn’t turn around this time, but she watched back straighten. “What did you do?”

“I can see everything. I can see your room and you and,” Rey nearly laughed from delight, “everything.”

She still sat cross-legged on some piece of furniture, but instead of seeing him in her room, Rey looked at a strange place; his rooms, if she had to guess. The walls were blackened, but bereft of the sheen she had associated with the interior of the _Finalizer_. The room was larger than hers, much larger, and filled with utilitarian items. A chair or two scattered around an empty table, a desk in the corner. The walls angled so Rey couldn’t quite see beyond, but she saw him clearly. He stood against the table, arms braced for whatever Force misery she would unleash.

“I thought I told you to leave me out of this.” Kylo turned and paused, his face inscrutable. “Get off my bed.”

She didn’t need to be asked twice. Definitely his room. A heat flushed into her cheeks as she scrambled away, wiping her hands on her wrap, the spare ends twisting around her ankles. Of all the places to be, she had to manifest on his bed.

Rey cleared her voice and rubbed a hand on her neck. “I told you I would leave the spot alone. I said nothing about this.” She glanced around. “I don’t know why but I expected something different.”

When he said nothing, Rey glanced his way. His eyes bore into her, brows furrowed and wary. She tried to look away, to not meet them, but they were dark and heavy and weighed with all that she saw in the corner of her mind. And they were beautiful. It wasn’t the first time that she’d noticed them, nor was it the first time that she had tried to forget them.

She cleared her throat and looked away. “I mean, don’t get me wrong, it’s lovely, but lonely.”

“It’s always lonely at the top, from my experience.”

“Lonely at the bottom, too.” She stopped in front of the viewport, watching as distant space past behind them. The sunlight engines hummed, even from here, however far his room was, she could still feel the engines. “Where are we?”

“A few clicks from Kuat,” he said. “We were in Coruscant for a few weeks before a new course was set.”

“Coruscant?” Rey turned around. “I would have loved to have seen it. I’ve only heard about it in stories.”

“Really?”

“Is it true that if you’re on the surface, you can’t see the sky? That sunlight doesn’t reach the surface and the city lights look like stars?”

“If you ever get to that level on Coruscant, you’re about to be a corpse if not already one.”

She sighed. “It would have been nice to see.”

He stepped closer to her. Rey felt him move rather than saw. It was different through the bond. She felt his curiosity, his confusion almost as real as she felt her own, but it was stained with _him_. She didn’t know how else to describe it, but she could feel him, hear him; what he felt seemed to echo around her and in her.

His trepidation reached her first, uncertainty tainting the growl in his tone. “Why are you still here, Rey?”

She couldn’t turn front he viewport. If she did, she might miss a moment. And for just this once, she didn’t want to see his face. Rey sighed and admitted, “I miss the stars.”

~

She walked down the halls with Rinky, Tinky, and Kinky, who still said nothing to their lovingly applied names. Which was a real shame since Rey had been hoping it would set Kinky over the edge.

Despite her proddings with the Supreme Leader, her limitations on her level were still enforced. The lifts didn’t move without passcodes she didn’t have and all the computer terminals were restricted beyond her own level of computer skills. She was effectually stranded, but not alone.

He did give her the recordings of the Resistance on a datapad and promised her any future updates, so she had to give him that.

The footsteps behind her faded as Rinky, Tinky, and Kinky left her when they reached her hall. They never followed her too close to her room. Rey never bothered to ask why; it only took a few weeks on a Star Destroyer to learn that some questions she'll never get answers to, and it was better to not ask. The more Rinky, Tinky, and Kinky knew about her and her about them, the better.

She palmed the door open and stood in the doorway. It was exactly the same as she left it, with scavenged walls and a pile of blankets in the corner; a far cry from the lavish rooms Kylo held. He _was_ the Supreme Leader, she had to admit, but still. He knew her and still, she was stuck here. Rey shook her head, cringing as a headache came on. It's as different from others in the past, needling through her skull.

She stiffened. Rey felt before she saw it; the pressure on her temple, an intruding mind, but lacking malicious intent. It hit her in the chest. Rey gasped, gripping the sides of the door.

Not a vision, but a feeling, a longing greater than what she could have imagined. Pain, suffering, wrapped in agony centered on one lonely being. Rey stumbled to her knees as the door closed behind her. Tears ran down her cheeks. This wasn’t her, this was from her this was--

His voice rumbled from the corner in a soft tenor that soothed the parts that wept at the intrusion. “So that works.”

Rey staggered to her feet and wiped her cheeks. “What was that? What did you do?”

His eyes bore into her, piercing and dissecting, trying to figure out how it worked, how she reacted. She shook her head. “That was… I don’t know how you did that, I felt that. Whatever it was you were doing--”

“They were my emotions. Those were my thoughts, my feelings.” He gave a mirthless chuckle. “I guess you and I are finally learning to communicate.”

Rey watched as he stood and turned in the center of her room, glancing all around. He’d seen this before when he came to visit, when she called him a bastard.

“You can see me, I can see you. Now we can see each other’s surroundings. And apparently, I can send you thoughts -- feelings.” Kylo shook his head and for a moment Rey thought he might smile. “Don’t tell me you thought you were the only one intrigued by all of this.”

She stood in the door, shell-shocked as he walked forward. He held her gaze and she held his, never letting go as he closed the distance between them. On the island, they were only this close once, right before she went into the cave; when he told her to kill the past. She noticed his eyes then, how they focused with unworldly precision, how they trained and focused like a beast on the hunt. But always to her they looked different as if she was some curiosity he couldn't quite decipher. Amber eyes looked at her from under heavy brows, as if she dared to defy what he expected her to be. And beneath their gaze, Rey didn’t dare to give him anything less.

He stopped close to her. A hand ghosted over her shoulder, trailing down her arm.  

“Just remember,” he murmured into her ear, “this goes both ways.”

He vanished and the vision faded and her skin burned where he touched.

~

She didn’t test the bond again.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for your comments and love for this story! As always I am blown away by your support and encouragement. I reread your comments and each one makes me smile. Nothing makes me want to keep writing and keeps faith in this story like your enjoyment, and I thank you <3
> 
> But now we get to the meat mwwahahahaha. I hope you all enjoy ;)
> 
> And as always, feel free to come say hi on [tumblr](https://thereminnsonata.tumblr.com/)

* * *

 

The fresher steamed and Rey closed her eyes as she stepped in and out of the water. Even though she had been subjected to rain and deluge on Ach-To, just seeing water utilized in this amount was still a marvel. There was no sunlight and nothing green inside this metal mountain, but Rey still had all the water she could want. She leaned her head back and let it course down her shoulders and back, let it run through her hair.

It was in moments like these that she could dream and pretend that she was anywhere else. She was on Ach-To, under one of the waterfalls down by the sea. She explored the archipelago beyond and thought of all the things to tell Finn when she got back. 

And if she let her mind wander enough, she could feel his hand ghost along her skin and across her shoulder; she could feel his breath on her ear, his words whisper across stars,  _ You’re not alone.  _

She slammed the water off and stumbled out of the fresher. Shutting off that thought, Rey furiously began drying herself. She definitely didn’t need to focus on that. The bond between them hadn’t dissipated since their last meeting when Rey almost hoped it would. It simply lay dormant, waiting for one of them to reach out and pull. 

Neither of them touched the bond. It strung between them like a string taught and ready to be pulled or plucked, but neither of them was too eager to investigate. Rey could still feel him at the back of her mind, brushing against her consciousness as if by accident before receding to the corner where the presence waited until it was used again.

She was adjusting her belt when the alarm at her door whined. Rey groaned and finished buckling her bracer before opening it. 

“Please, don’t-- Oh.” Instead of a certain Supreme Leader Rey was doing her best to not think about, it was the black droid that came through her door. “It’s you. What do you want?”

“That’s not an answer. And of all the things that you demand from me, you’ve never told me your designation.” The droid rocked from side to side while belting out several notes. “Beebee-nine-ee?”

The black round droid hissed in a slightly kinder tone that Rey took as an affirmative. It wheeled back, squaring her up in its optic sensor. The red light narrowed and dilated. 

“Stop looking at me like that.”

The droid hissed.

“Fine, fine!” A piece of scrap clanked on the ground and Rey watched as the droid’s pincers quickly snatched it up. “Better?”

The droid hissed again. Rey decided it was slightly less menacing and tentatively took a step closer. BB-9e didn’t move though it’s head dome peeled back as Rey knelt in front of it.

“So what have you been up to lately?” The droid did nothing. Rey tossed it another piece of scrap. It rolled closer. “I’ve been up to nothing. Just stuck here for who knows how long.”

She stopped counting the days when she confronted Kylo two weeks into her stay. Since then there had been countless day cycles and if Rey was determined, she was sure she could figure out the exact time. But the fourteen tally marks stood out on the walls like a brand inflicted upon herself and every time she looked at them, Rey made herself a promise: she was not the girl who left Jakku and she wouldn’t be the one who waited for a past that would never come. She would create her own future.

The rest of her room and walls were scrapped of anything useful, all set aside in a pile for the closest thing she had for a friend. BB-9e reminded her of one of the feral sandshrikes that came around her AT-AT every so often on Jakku: interested enough for their own benefit, but hardly enough to be considered a companion. And Rey was sure that the First Order droid was anything but a companion. Thought of all the possibilities for her at the moment, being used by a droid was one of the ones she was fairly comfortable with. 

It bumped into her leg; a much kinder gesture than anything she’d experienced from the thing previously. Rey rolled her eyes. “Fine. We’ll have it your way.”

The droid bleeped and rolled ahead. Bored and with really no better options, Rey followed as BB-9e lead the way down the long black halls. Rey trailed behind, her fingers dragging along the wall. They were as cold as she remembered from her first days here. The auto lights cycled with the ships day counter, but the temperature was set the same day in and day out. Starkiller base was colder, but here in the depths of space, Rey wasn’t sure if there was much of a difference. One was fed by snow while the other was a chill absorbed from the utter emptiness of the galaxy. 

And yet the ship was an abandoned city. She knew her quadrant by heart by this point. Every few days she would go to the officer’s barracks and take some of the blankets the droids stocked even though she was the only person living here. She’d return them a few days later and they’d come back freshly laundered, waiting for her. She took what she needed and left the rest.

Her clothes she kept, but as the days went on, her undershirt and bindings became a little too well worn even for a scavenger to keep. The concerns about the smell were only confirmed when Rinky, Tinky, and Kinky suddenly kept a few steps further than their usual distance. 

Rey readjusted the collar of her shirt under her tunic. Though she was loathed to admit it, First Order synthfabric was  _ very _ gentle on the skin.

A shrill trill shook her as BB-9e rolled impatiently at the end of the hall.

“Stars, what was that about?”

The droid hissed and then bleeped before wheeling off again.

Rey ran to catch up. “Hold on! Hold on, wait. What are you talking about?”

She slid to a stop in front of the elevator bays. Rey exhaled heavily before glaring at the droid. “Really? You brought me here?”

The droid hissed and bumped against the lift doors. 

“These don’t work,” she said, pressing the keypad. Nothing happened. “They don’t want me getting off this level. They’ve all been deactivated. See?”

BB-9e rolled its head back and forward in a long, deliberate motion before docking into the keypad. Rey watched as the panel lit up and within seconds, the doors opened. The droid wheeled behind her and bumped against her legs, herding her into the lift. 

“Oh.” Rey took a deep breath and the doors closed. BB-9e looked up at her and though it was more excitement than fear, she couldn’t help but mutter, “I’ve got a bad feeling about this.”

~

“The  _ Ascension  _ is on schedule. Final preparations are being made, but all system checks are online with the ship on schedule for its first voyage within two standard weeks.”

Kylo leaned back in his chair. Commander Durden droned off to his right, going on endlessly about certain parameters for new sublight engines, and whether or not they would be adequately prepared for the strain the  _ Ascension _ would require. Kylo attempted to keep a neutral face. For all the topics, it was an opinion of his that none would care for. The  _ Ascension  _ was to be his ship -- it was commissioned as such and the Kuat Entralla engineers had spared nothing, per Snoke’s request. And yet here they were, arguing semantics on a ship that was mostly completed, about things that they didn’t understand. Kylo picked out the specifics himself. They were more than adequate, functional and easily upgraded. But now that this ship was not just one to toss to the Supreme Leader’s wardog, the flagship of their Supreme Leader became their first priority. 

The others at his table leaned forward with interest and Kylo could only watch as they picked apart each decision he’d made. From across the way, Hux’s lip twitched. Kylo glanced to the side. 

“Is this topic too much for our Supreme Leader?” he asked into Kylo’s ear. 

“Not at all,” Kylo replied, not bothering to quiet his voice. “But I am curious why the TIE Silencers were replaced by the Defenders. I was assured the Silencers would be ready for mass production by then.”

Commander Durden paled. Kylo went on, not even bothering to be discreet. “The Defenders are an older model, with outdated targeting systems as well as 

Durden stuttered. “Supreme Leader Snoke approved all changes before the final specifications were sent out. He made it explicit that the Defenders were to be used, and while it’s too late to change many of the orders --”

Kylo raised a hand and cut the man off. He should have known better. Of course, the shriveled husk was dead and still managing to grasp at him from beyond the grave. “Then put in an order for the Silencers. I want them onboard as soon as they’re available.”

“Absolutely, my lord.”

Kylo leaned back and exhaled. A stray strand of hair fell into his eyes. He shook it away.

“The  _ Ascension _ will serve as your flagship and capital for the time being until we can find a more suitable planetary capital. As soon as the arrangements are made, you will have complete control of the ship.” General Kaddus looked at him from across the table, the several bars on his lapel a reminder of the time he served under the Imperial Remnant. 

“Your original plans remain unchanged. The upgrades are only to make it suitable for a person of your stature.” Kylo slowly turned to look at the general, who met his gaze fearlessly. “Now, the last time we met, we had begun talks of succession and left the title in your hands for the interim. There is the matter of the regional governors and other admirals and personnel who have reservations allowing such a…” he hesitated before smiling, “young man have complete control of our operation our goals.”

Kylo didn’t smile. Every muscle in his body tensed. He could kill this man, right here. Right now. He could kill him and then they wouldn’t question him. Or they would kill him in return. He knew how they saw him: young. Inexperienced. Ruinous. Twisted and broken with a face made by heroes of the Resistance.

But a part of him that was too much of his father’s, the part of him that he never could manage to cut out, didn’t want to give them the satisfaction. “I can assure you that your fears are unfounded. I was hand chosen by Snoke himself to oversee his most personal developments. Surely that is enough to vouch for my loyalty.”

General Kaddus leaned back. “It is not your loyalty that is in question.”  _ Boy _ . The qualification was unspoken, but it hung in the air between them.

Kylo tensed. “Then what is?”

Hux cleared his throat. Slowly both men turned to him. He nodded his head slightly, putting away his comm. “I hate to intrude, but I do have a question about the  _ Ascension _ that we haven’t discussed.”

“Which is?” Kylo snapped. 

“How would it serve to continue containing the Jedi?”

~

Rey always assumed she would stand out here on the  _ Finalizer _ . It wasn’t easy to forget how plain and organic she was in comparison to the crisp linen and sharp lines of the First Order, even just the small glimpse she saw in the hanger when she first arrived. But it was even more pronounced now. She walked as calmly as she could behind the little droid and every so often a head would turn as she walked by, but then they noticed the droid at her side and when BB-9e noticed them, they turned away.

“I guess you have some uses,” she muttered.

The hiss was almost affectionate.

“So what now?”

The droid rolled behind a corner, bleeping for her to follow. Rey obliged. It wasn’t much farther though. Around the next corner, she slid to a halt, mouth open as BB-9e twiddled in front of a mangled TIE fighter. Its engines were dismantled and it was stashed behind shipping crates in various states of disrepair, but Rey’s scavenger heart delighted at the mine she saw before her. Not to mention the circuitry -- if she could get the computers working, she could see if it was set up the same as the Imperial fighters she took apart back on Jakku. She was able to import a few of the computers onto her flight sim, and the dexterity of the TIEs was always just out of her reach. The ship was one of the least forgiving she’d ever tried. 

BB-9e squealed. She let out a breathless laugh before getting on her knees and working at the droid’s side. Rey tossed him the first piece of scrap she could find. “Alright, now you’re talking.”

~

Kylo saw nothing. He didn’t notice the slack-jawed stares as the word  _ Jedi _ landed hard on his chest, how the other’s stood suddenly, how Hux merely crossed his arms and preened. His mind simply went to the spot where she waited and prodded it. 

_ Rey _ . 

Nothing. 

“Jedi?” Admiral Daala stood suddenly, her white coat falling from her shoulders.

Hux spun around, feigning surprise. “Oh, I thought that was common knowledge…”

“There is a Jedi here? On this ship? For how long?”

The questions ran in circles, endless, but General Kaddus remained silent. He watched Kylo with a serpent's precision, curiosity and doubt finalizing equations in his mind. Kylo met his gaze soundly as he asked calmly, “There is a Jedi on board?”

Kylo leaned forward. “She is not a Jedi,” he said sharply.

“Forgive me Supreme Leader,” Kaddus clarified. “The person then. Are they on board.”

“Yes,” he said through gritted teeth. “Though she has been contained and not a nuisance up to this point.”

“Actually,” Hux clarified, but the expression on his face must have been murderous enough to shut him up. Kylo rose from his seat, his long strides carrying him to the communications console. 

“You were saying?” he snapped. 

Hux sighed and stepped back. “You know, I was wondering how long this was going to take,” he whispered low enough for just Kylo to hear. 

Kylo’s hands twisted, the Force pulling around them waiting for his release, but Hux merely smiled and glanced back to the others at the table.  _ Impulsive, brash, a child _ . The weight of his crown tremored under his brow and Kylo gingerly released. 

Hux had it all prepared. The feed was already pulled up, the security cams showing Rey squatting next to an out of commission fighter, her arms streaked with grease, miles away from her sequestered level. Hux reached over and broadcast the feed for the rest of the room. 

“You’ll pay for this,” Kylo said under his breath.

Hux shrugged and leaned in to adjust the feed. “I’m not so sure about that.”

_ Rey _ . 

“If you don’t mind,” Hux said as he pulled a comm from his pocket, “it’ll be just a moment, General.”

Kaddus nodded. “Whatever must be done.”

Kylo’s breath hitched as Hux’s lips curled into a mockery of a smile, but he said nothing. His silence was enough of an affirmative for Hux. “Apprehend the girl,” the general said into his com.

_ Rey. _

Kylo didn’t dare turn back to the others in the room. Instead, he watched the monitor, jaw clenched, arms tensed and gripping the console. The cams picked her up in perfect quality, from the worn knit of her tunic to the way her hair fell around her face and clumped into grease-streaked strands. He saw her sitting on the ground, halfway across the ship and ignoring everything he tried to say, oblivious to what was coming. She didn’t notice the three stormtroopers walked up. She didn’t see as two moved closer. Kylo could do nothing but watch, even though his mind screamed.

~

_ REY. _

His shout ricocheted through her mind. She looked up suddenly, her hands falling from the fighter as black shadows rose from below. Rinky towered behind her and Tinky lowered their gun and before Rey could yell, they fired.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Admiral Daala](http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Natasi_Daala)


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> now i couldn't just leave you all hanging after that last chapter, now could i? ;)
> 
> your comments and responses to it gave me life and i hope this is a sufficient follow up!
> 
> after this, it might be a week or so before I update again. I have to work on my valentine's fic exchange and then I've got another project I'd like to update before updating this. But you are more than welcome to come yell and talk to me over on my [tumblr](https://thereminnsonata.tumblr.com)!! Come say hi, I'd love to chat <3
> 
> huge amazing thanks to [crossingwinter](http://archiveofourown.org/users/crossingwinter/pseuds/crossingwinter) for being my lovely beta for this chapter <3333
> 
> and as always, your comments and kudos mean the world to me, so feel free to let me know your thoughts!

* * *

 

Kylo gaped as the contact broke, the silence echoing, almost deafening. In the past weeks, the storm of his mind calmed into an illusion of still glass. Everything was in perfect reflection. While his future was not certain, he found his two feet under him more often than not and the swelling sickness giving way to something more steady. But now? 

Now, the hammer fell and the stillness shattered and Kylo found himself pitched forward into the ether.

“Supreme Leader?” Hux prompted. 

There was a single smudged spot on the table, just to the left of his hand. It was a divot in the wood, a place where the black grain buckled beneath the surface and the resin didn’t quite fill. It didn’t quite stand out, but it was an imperfection that he found himself unable to turn away from, a twist of a knife reminded anyone who looked at it that this table was once a living thing unlike much of the inorganic ship around him. The hairs on the back of his neck prickled as countless eyes fell on him and burned into the back of his skull. He felt every unasked question, every word they held silent on their tongues as they watched and waited as their Supreme Leader pondered the fall of a Jedi girl. 

“Tell them to bring her here.” His voice even and crisp and clear, but his throat constricted and his vision narrowed.

“Of course,” Hux replied primly. “In the meantime, shall we resume our topic of conversation?”

As if he even remembered what they were talking about before they were so conveniently derailed by Hux’s revelation. Kylo’s hand curled into a fist. 

“The  _ Ascension _ , Supreme Leader,” Hux clarified gently.

Kylo didn’t move. If his lack of focus was that obvious, then the piercing insight of admirals and generals who served longer than he’d been alive would see so much more. So much hung balanced at the edge of a string, and he was at the fulcrum, the weight of each path cutting across his shoulders. 

Doing his best to feign disinterest, Kylo looked around and tried to find something else to occupy him. It's was a worthless endeavor. The image of Rey fallen to the ground as stormtroopers closed in was seared into his mind. He just stared where the holo was. 

_ Rey _ .

Nothing. 

The silence devoured inside his mind until it muffled the sounds around him. Each minute that the doors didn’t open and deposit her dragged. The _Finalizer_ was a big ship, Kylo knew the time it took to get from the hangar bays to the officers meeting rooms and they were bordering on late. 

“When will it be ready? The  _ Ascension? _ ” Kylo knew the answer, it was spelled out in giant letters on the memo on the desk, but he had a single task to accomplish: impress the generals, secure. the throne. But so far he’d managed to do none of that and General Kaddus and Admiral Daala looked like he was a mongrel dog that needed to be taken care of. And now there was Rey… Everyone who mattered thought he was unstable and immature. Why not add incompetence to the list?

“Within three weeks,” said Durden deliberately and pointed out the date on the memo. Kylo stared at the blank screen. “As I was saying, the commission was set a few years ago, and while it is not an adequate replacement for the _Supremacy_ , it was set to replace the  _ Finalizer  _ with its system upgrades. Though in light of recent events, we’ve made every accommodation for your new flagship to be worthy of such a mantle.”

Of course, they did. 

_ Rey _ .

She couldn’t just be gone. She couldn’t be dead. One, Hux was not so foolish as to order the execution of a valuable traitor on sight. No, Hux always had something more sinister planned. Kylo’s other hand dug into his thigh. But she still wasn’t there. The thread in his mind was limp. Not dead, just… not present. It was as if a light went out, though it still waited with potential energy.

So no, Hux wouldn’t have her killed outright. That granted him a longer life, if only barely. Kylo tapped his fingers, slowly, one by one against the table as Durden finished his proposal. A star map illuminated above the table, highlighting several different planets.

“... with the loss of the _Supremacy_ , we have the ability to start anew,” Admiral Daala was saying. “Now that the First Order is a proven stabilizing factor in the galaxy, a capital is a necessity we can't keep putting off.”

Kaddus nodded. “There is always Coruscant, whose citizens have been reasonably hospitable to our factions since the beginning of the ascension. I’m sure it wouldn't take much for us to find an agreeable arrangement. Not to mention that didn’t Palpatine keep his seat on Coruscant?”

Daala opened her mouth, but Kylo beat her to it. They all glanced at him as he ignored them all and instead focused on the glittering holo of the ever-lit planet. “He did. In the old Jedi Temple.”

Once he’d dreamed of seeing it. Now as the words rolled off his tongue, the dreams turned to wearied dread.

“A fitting home for our Supreme Leader,” Hux mused. “Wouldn't you agree?”

A small smile came over the Admiral’s lips. “Quite. It would be a fitting homecoming, to say the least. We’ll reach out to the Coruscanti leadership with our proposal.”

The doors opened. Kylo stood, hands balled into fists at his side. Black armored stormtroopers saluted and stood at attention and in between their arms was a girl in grey robes and wraps, her head lolling forward, eyes shut. 

“So you weren’t lying,” Kaddus mused. Hux looked at her with mild disgust. The general turned his pinpointed gaze to Kylo. “How did she even get on board?”

“She should be killed immediately,” Admiral Daala said. 

“Was this your doing?”

The question was directed to him, but Kylo didn’t bother. He made his way to her side where the troopers held her gently, a kindness usually not granted to prisoners. But from what he knew of Rey, she’d reached out to them as best she could and even now, they were returning the favor. A black armored hand clenched around Rey’s arm protectively. 

Kylo breathed out. “At ease,” he said and at his words, the hand relaxed.

There were no marks on her, nothing aside from the engine grease that streaked across her brow. Even now, she looked oddly at peace. Though as he gently turned her jaw, he saw her frown. He exhaled bitterly. One more person to disappoint.

Gently he raised a gloved hand to her temple and reached out to her and into his mind where that spark of her waited and rested and gave a simple command:  _ wake _ .

Her eyes flashed open. She bucked once and then struggled against the stromtrooper’s grip. The bond roared open, her voice echoing in his mind. 

_ Kylo _ .

Kaddus and Daala backed away as Rey clambered to her feet. Hux merely turned to Kylo, eyes narrowed. “What did you do to her?”

“Nothing,” Kylo said crisply. It was all he could do to not clench his jaw, to not show every ounce of anger that boiled in him in front of these people. Oh it would leak out, that he was sure of, but they couldn’t see him so shaken, so brought down by a Jedi. He was going to kill Hux. “The stun wore off. Your men didn’t set their weapons properly.”

_ Kylo _ .

“Kylo--” Rey started against the restraints and then stopped as she saw the people behind him. Her eyes widened. “What’s going on?”

Kaddus leaned from behind Daala, his bulging face more red than usual. He pointed a long finger at Rey and his voice boomed. “The longer she stays, the greater liability she becomes. The Jedi and all those with their powers are a threat to our sovereignty.”

Kylo raised a hand and the room fell silent, brimming with potent energy. The Force rippled as he caressed the general’s throat -- a single strand wrapping around his flesh, not pulling, not yet. Kylo didn’t move. He simply asked in a quiet tone, “Am I a threat?”

“Of course not--” he sputtered, “I only meant that alive--”

“She is of more use to us alive than dead,” Kylo said evenly, dropping his hand.

The general staggered back, his hand palming at his throat, his wide belly heaving, his thick face turning red. Kylo turned away, disgusted.

“What are they talking about?” Rey tried to reach out for his hand, but the stormtroopers held her tight. Her shackled wrists fell short.

_ Kylo, tell me what’s going on.  _

He raised a hand, as much for her as the generals circling his flank, but he said nothing. Her confusion rang in his mind, sparked with frustration. One of the stormtroopers prodded her with his gun.

_ What’s happening? Why aren’t you telling me anything -- they’re wanting to kill me and you’re saying nothing! _

“You think she could be turned?” Hux said, quickly. Kylo swore. Of course, Hux made that connection; for all the uses for a Jedi, turning them, training them, adding them to his arsenal was the only thing Hux was capable of imagining. It was why the Force left him bare -- to have such a simple mind with such a gift would have been an abomination.

Kylo met Rey’s gaze. Her eyes darted from the other men to the guards behind them and then back to him. She struggled for the first time against the stromtroopers as he walked forward. She was there because of him and because of herself and because they had no other choices. The bond strained in the corner of his mind as she pleaded with him. 

For a moment this was different and he wasn't the Supreme Leader and Snoke was alive and Rey was crying and Kylo held his saber in his hand and she was bound before him. Somehow he managed to save them both then.

He glanced down at her and took in her squared shoulders and the fire in her eyes that met him so well. He felt the flames in his mind and the burn in his heart as he raised an eyebrow and pondered. “Shall we find out?” 

~

It was the look on Kylo’s face that kept Rey biting her tongue. The lines of power in the room were palpable. Strange faces mocked of her but it was the look of a man barely restrained and he took her away.

He took her into a room off the side and locked the door behind them. Rinky and Tinky were stationed outside. Kinky waited by the opposite door, and all three stood at attention, arms ready before they disappeared from view. The stormtroopers were stationed outside, arms at the ready. But a single thought struck her mind as the barrel of the gun left her side:

She was alive. 

She was alive and she was going to make sure it stayed that way.

Rey whirled on him as soon as the door was closed. “What was that about?”

Her heart pounded in her ears, every single possibility coursing through her mind. One moment she was in the hangar bays, the next she wakes up slung between two stormtroopers with Kylo’s face written with close to hers, bloodlust in his eyes. He could have brought her in here to kill her -- she was sure it wouldn't surprise the First Order officers outside, but then she saw him and for a moment she stilled.

Kylo Ren held an arm against the door and looked to her through messed hair and wide eyes. He shuddered as a sigh escaped him. She wasn’t sure she had ever seen that look on his face before, but if she dared to guess, Rey would almost call the look on his face ‘relief’. 

It vanished as soon as her words registered. His face twisted. “I was saving you!”

“That was some rescue!”

He pointed a finger in her direction but said nothing. He frowned, his brows heavy over his eyes, his scar twisting as his mouth curled into a snarl and a muted roar escaped his throat. “I was trying! But you gave me nothing by being found in the hangar bays around one of the TIEs planning your escape.” 

“I wasn't trying to escape, I was trying to get parts--” She shut up. Explaining that she was taking apart a fighter on the request of a droid hungry for parts was probably not her defense. But none of this made sense. “What’s going on? I’m a prisoner again?”

“You’re not a prisoner,” he clarified quickly. “You were never a prisoner.”

She delicately raised her shackled arms and backed away. “Sure. If that helps you sleep at night. You locked me away on a deck of a Star Destroyer and took me away from my friends. Sounds like a prisoner to me.”

“You agreed to this,” he said hotly. “You agreed to come--”

“You were going to kill them!” 

“I was keeping you safe,” he said quietly. “If they found you, they would ask questions and then if they discovered the truth…”

He trailed off and Rey frowned. “What are you talking about?”

“You were kept secret. Your presence wasn’t widely known on the ship because it was easier to keep our deal when no one could wonder why we left the Resistance behind.” Kylo glanced over his shoulder. “Hux decided now would be a good time to share.”

She wasn’t sure if it was the last effects of the stun wearing off or if the room suddenly opened to the vacuum of space, but Rey’s body chilled. If what he said was true, if she was a secret just as their deal… Rey’s mouth hung open and her face slowly paled. “Oh no, the Resistance… Do they know?”

Kylo shook his head. “I did what I had to keep you safe--”

“Our deal is off if anything happens,” she said venomously. 

Kylo held up a hand. “They don’t know anything. Only you. Just you.”

Rey paused and leaned her head on her wrists. “This doesn’t make any sense. So what now? Are you going to lock me up in a smaller room this time?”

“You can choose that if you want, but the idea of an untrained Force user left alone anywhere on a Destroyer makes them a little nervous, as I’m sure you can understand.”

“I’m not untrained.”

Kylo looked at her blankly before coming closer. Rey scoffed, but didn’t back away. It had been a long time since he’d managed to intimidate her. 

“I’ll just leave then,” she suggested.

That won’t go the way you want it to,” he said quietly. Rey eyed him and Kylo glanced away. 

“Our deal,” he said. “I can’t keep it on my own.”

“So if I leave and make this easier on both of us…”

“Then our deal is off. And General Kaddus will get the last known coordinates of the rebels and I won’t have to deal with him waiting for me to screw up for the next few months.”

She breathed through clenched teeth. “Are we not past that?”

“Is there anything else keeping you here?” She said nothing and Kylo leaned in. “That’s what I thought.”

Rey snarled and stepped into his space, forcing him to back into the far wall. “I am here because you and I made a deal and I’m willing to keep it. I thought I made a deal with the Supreme Leader, the ruler of the galaxy. But you’re still just a dog on a leash, beholden to different masters.”

His fist slammed into the wall across from her.

She didn’t move, the outburst merely an overflow of the turmoil she felt through the Force. It was so easy to read him now, to barely reach out and see what lines bound and constricted him, which she just needed to touch with a word and pluck. A part of her wanted to smile, but she stayed impassive.

He breathed before turning to her, his face a mask framed by wild strands of hair. “I am the Supreme Leader.”

“Broken and begging to a girl you barely know,” she countered. 

And that was the truth of them, was it not? They were in each other’s minds, he knew her fears and her wants, her secrets, and her cries -- he came to her when she called and she ran to him to take his hand and yet… 

He drew himself up to his full height, a snarl on his lips, but it was only skin deep. His mind was bared to her and she knew hers was to him and even so, Rey couldn’t help but smile. 

When he spoke it was a quiet, uneven voice. “Is that all you see of me?” 

“I see only a boy in a crown too big for his head,” Rey replied. He flinched as her words hit like barbs. “A Supreme Leader in over his head.”

“You know nothing,” he said seething.

“I know enough of you.” 

He palmed the door open with a fluid motion and stepped out. His last words fell down on her shoulders as he locked the door behind him. “We’ll see.”

~

They hadn’t expected him to come back. Kylo didn't bother to clear his throat. He strode into the briefing room with a confidence born of desecration and desolation and slammed a fist on the table. Kaddus jumped. Daala slowly turned from her conversation with Hux who glared. 

Kylo swallowed the bile in his throat. “Speed up production on the  _ Ascension _ . I want it to be ready in a week.” 

“But sir--” Durden stepped forward, but then jumped back as Kylo turned. 

“Did I not make myself clear?” Durden nodded and Kylo straightened. “Have them work day and night to make the deadline. And the first production of Silencers I want to be deployed to the  _Ascension_ as soon as they're ready.”

Durden sputtered. “Yes, sir.”

There were games they played and there were games he played along, but he was done playing by someone else’s rules. And if no one would play with him, he’d rewrite their rules himself. He was their Supreme Leader and they’d play his game.

“The Jedi is now under my personal protection. I will keep a close eye on her,” he said quickly before he could clearly comprehend what came from his mouth. The only upside was the subtle falling of Hux’s jaw as Kylo’s statement surprised even him. “Any further inquiries into her will be taken as distrust in you supreme leader and will be considered treason. Am I clear?”

His hand clenched around his lightsaber hilt. He left his cape behind earlier today, but as he drew himself up to his full height and looked down the noses of everyone beneath him, Kylo wondered if he would ever use it again. His thick hair threatened to fall into his eyes; he let it. 

_ The galaxy is a stage _ , he once heard his mother say. It was a phrase that always came as she finished one of her intricate hairstyles before a senate gala. How he hated that she was right.  _ They’ll believe the face you give them _ . 

“And how do you expect to deal with further intrusions?” Daala asked calmly as she tucked a strand of white hair behind her ear. Of all those in the room, she met him unfazed. Of all those in the room, she alone knew his grandfather. She alone knew lay under his skin. Kylo’s stomach turned. “Can you guarantee our security?”

“Your concerns are unfounded, Admiral,” he said sharply. “The Jedi came of her own volition. Any further questions of my authority will be dealt with the highest severity.” He set his lightsaber down on the table, right next to the sunken spot in the resin. The imperfection.

“Are we clear?”

Kaddus swallowed and glanced to Hux who glanced to Daala who didn’t take her eyes away from Kylo’s saber. A smile of steel came across her lips. He let them stand there for a moment before reaching out: he didn’t make any move towards the saber, only raising a single finger.

“Yes.” 

He wasn’t sure which one of them spoke first, but their voices clamored together. Kylo sat back in his chair with a ghost of pride on his lips. And so the chorus began:

“Yes, Supreme Leader.”

  
  



	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _"What’s this bold plan of yours to keep her under your protection?”_
> 
> _“She’ll stay with me,” he said quickly before he could clearly comprehend what came from his mouth. The only upside to this was the subtle falling of Hux’s jaw as Kylo’s statement surprised even him._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for being so patient with an update! <3 I'm a bit behind with working on my valentine's exchange fic and some other commitments and work, so this got put on the back burner for a week or so. but i hope the content makes up for it a little bit!
> 
> thank you so much to [meritmut](http://archiveofourown.org/users/meritmut/pseuds/meritmut) for your help with this chapter!
> 
> i honestly read and reread each and every one of your comments and each comment and kudos means the world to me <33 thank you so much for your enthusiasm for this fic and i hope that it continues! and as always, feel free to [come say hi on tumblr](https://thereminnsonata.tumblr.com/) <3

* * *

 

“So what exactly do you have planned?” 

Hux stood not too far away, adjusting the lapels of his coat and pulling up his gloves. The meeting room was empty, save for the stormtroopers that waited in the corner by the closet where Rey still waited. Or was left more technically speaking. She knocked on the door every now and then, drawing some very pointed looks from Admiral Daala who would turn to Kylo with a very slight smile. It was the kind that Snoke used to save for moments where there was something waiting just around the corner, and for the smallest of moments, Kylo wondered who wore it first. 

When the knocking did nothing, she took to the bond, stretching it between them and pressing his mind.

_ You’re ignoring me _ , she said, even pulling herself across the distance to stand at his ear and whisper it herself.  _ You’re ignoring me _ . 

When he finally managed to work “ _With good reason_ ” into his conversation with General Kaddus, she pursed her lips and vanished. His mind was quiet but it didn’t leave him at ease. 

Hux crossed his arms and leaned against the table. “Supreme Leader?”

“Did I not make myself clear?” Kylo leaned back in his chair, slowly cocking his head to look at the general. There was a delicate twitch in his jaw as he cleared his throat.

“Oh, crystalline.” Hux rubbed his chin thoughtfully before continuing. “However the particulars of containing a Jedi still need to be discussed, since the last time you attempted it, it ended so well.”

He stood, his hand outstretched in Hux’s direction and a snarl on his face. “What did I say-”

“I cannot help you keep up this ruse if you don’t tell me your plan,” Hux said through clenched teeth. “Don’t tell me you’ve forgotten that I was there for the deal with your precious little Jedi.”

Kylo staggered back, his hand falling to his side. Hux knew. Hux knew, Hux knew Rey was here and he knew why and he should kill him now and make it fast and--

Hux rubbed his throat and stretched his neck before level his gaze with Kylo again. “So go on. What’s this bold plan of yours to keep her under your protection?”

“She’ll stay with me,” he said quickly before he could clearly comprehend what came from his mouth.  The only upside to this was the subtle falling of Hux’s jaw as Kylo’s statement surprised even him. 

“What?”

“It’ll be easier for me to keep an eye on her if she’s on my level. She can use my rooms until something is more suitably arranged on the  _ Ascension _ .” Kylo swallowed and turned to the stormtroopers who stood at attention.  

“I trust you not to underestimate the girl, Supreme Leader. Deal or not, you cannot deny that she would be a powerful ally if turned.”

Kylo bit his lip and then his tongue before turning to Hux. “I trust you to remember my capabilities,  _ General _ . Dismissed.”

Hux nodded his head and with a mockery of a smile, he walked away. 

~

The first time Rey rode in an elevator with Kylo Ren, she was fresh off an island-studded planet with stars in her eyes and hope in her veins. He was the key to victory, a key to saving the Resistance and beating the First Order and bringing something back to Leia -- at least one thing. He was the hope she saw in herself, the shining sun fallen behind clouds, setting on the horizon. He was everything she could hope for and more. 

The first time Rey rode in an elevator with Kylo Ren, she wanted to save him. 

The second time Rey rode in an elevator with Kylo Ren, she wanted to kill him. 

To be fair he nearly got her killed several hours prior, but it didn’t matter. Her hands itched for a lightsaber that lay shattered in her room or any form of the Force that would allow her to take him on.  She could just punch him, but Rey wasn’t ready to be that petty. 

One by one the levels passed them by and it was only when the ship tilted did Rey realize that they were heading up. She glanced over her shoulder where he stood imposing at her side, his gaze fixed on the lights in front of them. It was the very image she had seared in her mind for so long: the picture of a young man looking up when he should be looking where he was. Her traitorous stomach lurched into her throat, her pulse following suit. So much had changed and so little. 

“What are you thinking?” he asked, his voice little more than a murmur.

“You don't know?”

“You’re not too keen on letting me in.” If Rey didn’t know him any better, she would say he sounded disappointed. But no, that was frustration that tinted his words and hardened his eyes.

“With good reason.” She adjusted her hands. The shackles were heavy and cold. A sharp edge dug into her wrist. Steeling her gaze, Rey turned and faced him fully. By the breath of R’iia he was tall. She looked up, taking care to not let her gaze drag up his torso. If she closed her eyes, they could be the same as they were when he brought her to Snoke. Her tunic was nearly nothing but threads, though the colors remained the same, melting from the light around them to her shades of grey and the blacks of his own. If it was any different than before, Rey wasn’t sure. Though there was still some silver embroidery by his collar, she never studied his clothes before. Never noticed how they fit him, how they fell against him keeping the Force raging inside at bay. 

She focused on the spot right above his jaw instead. “Are you taking me to my death again? Not that twice in a day wouldn’t be a record for you,” she amended. 

He frowned, the expression so brief and fleeting. “I didn’t try to kill you on Starkiller.”

Rey scoffed. “That’s news to me. Seeing as you chased me through not one, but two forests and then tied me to a chair and nearly killed Finn, and then attacked me.”

Kylo bared his teeth at the mention of Finn, but it fell off before Rey could say anything. He bristled instead, the Force flaring off his shoulders before coiling back in cold flame in his chest.

“Our last fight went a bit different if I remember correctly,” he said dryly as the lift opened and he stepped out. 

“Then you’re remembering them wrong…” She trailed off as she followed and the floor under her feet was thick and lush, not the polished black of the lower levels. And the walls weren’t the strict white, no they were a polished black that looked more like stone than any metal. White lights lined the floor and along the ceilings and gave the entry and uncommonly soft glow.  “This isn’t my floor.”

“The lifts are biolocked to me,” he said as Rey turned to look at the door. He was already walking down the hall, turning down corridors as Rey hurried to keep up.  “As are the airlocks to the escape craft.”

“What did you do?”

“Kylo.” He stiffened at his name, his hand on a doorlock. Later Rey would recognize that today was the first day she called him by that name. Every other time had been Ben. Rey wasn’t sure who that was now. “What did you do?”

“I kept you safe,” he said quietly. The door opened and he walked inside. He reached out and called on the lights. Rey blinked in the sudden light. “I kept our deal. This is the price.”

It was when she walked out into the light of the stars that she finally understood.   “I’ve been here.”

“In dreams?” he offered.

“In the…” She waved her shackled hands ambiguously. “Whatever it is we have.” She walked to the wall where the stars hung outside and 

“I’ve seen you here. I watched the stars with you. Why am I here?” This was his room. It was the same as she saw it before, with the scattered furniture and single bed; the not quite sheen that characterized the rest of the  _ Finalizer _ . But it was the angled walls that she couldn’t quite see around and the wide sky viewport that told her enough. She turned from the expanse to him, but it seemed like he could have cared less about the stars. Distant light cast soft shadows on the hard lines of his face. Rey quickly looked away as heat flooded her cheek. “Why did you do this?”

“I told them I’d keep a personal eye on you,” he said softly. “I told Hux you would stay with me.”

“But why?”

He stretched out a black-gloved hand like he had so many times between them and casually pulled at the Force between them. The shackles fell off into a heap on the floor. Rey shook out her wrists. He stepped closer. “You’re not dead and I have conveniently managed to steer the First Order from the Rebels. As per our deal.”

She closed her eyes and shut out the expanse until it was just her and the whir and whine of the ship as it creaked in its rivets and the press on his mind that was always him. Now she was here in a place she had only seen in dreams but instead of finding a Jedi and a tree and an island all alone, she was with the shadow of the man she thought she could save, who turned her away until she turned herself into a tool.  

“What now?” She said it so softly she wasn’t sure if he heard, but he turned his head ever so slightly. 

“Now we try to make the best of this.”

“And how do we do that? How can I even trust that you’re not going to just throw this all away once you have locked far enough into your machine?”

“Have I lied to you?”

Rey turned away. Kylo followed. “Tell me that I’ve lied to you.”

She smiled ruefully. “Just because you don’t lie doesn’t mean I trust you.”

His lip twitched into a sneer. “This deal we made is indefinite. Is this how you want it to go?”

Rey slowly turned from the stars to look at him. “I am effectively a prisoner of the First Order under the supervision of the Supreme Leader. I told you I would stay as long as the Resistance is safe. I don’t know what else you want from me.”

“I’ve kept my end of the deal, Rey.”

She hated how he said her name. How it rumbled from his chest and fell off his tongue; how he looked at her, or how it felt like he wanted to look at her. He said her name with hesitance and reverence and she hated how it echoed in her mind, resounding and soft and so perfectly him that she couldn’t turn away. 

_ Rey _ .

So she kept him away.

Kylo bristled, his shoulders squaring as he made for the door, but turned back to her as if on second thought. “This specific arrangement is temporary until the  _ Ascension  _ is ready.”

“And after that?”

“Our deal still stands,” he said sharply. “Including its new conditions. You’ll have your own rooms adjacent to mine, but until then, this is the arrangement..”

Rey’s lip curled in disgust. “You’re already in my mind. I can’t get rid of you, you won’t leave me alone and--”

“Is that what you want?” he asked, mouth working through the puzzle with narrowed eyes fixed on her with confusion. “To be alone?”

“Yes,” she said sharply. Kylo blinked, his face tightening as if she slapped him. Rey fell back, her chest tightening.

“You wanted those rebels and traitors and murderers safe. This is what you get in return,” he said acidly. “Be careful what you wish for.”

~

She slammed the door behind him, or she attempted to at least. Nothing in this room was made to be slammed; the door slid shut with a gentle click. Rey groaned and then looked up and stilled and swallowed. 

This was his room. It was bigger than her last one, which wasn’t saying much, considering that Rey never had a room that size before, but this one put it to shame. She’d only seen it before from odd angles and shifted perspectives but now? She didn’t belong here, in his place. She felt him everywhere, a shadow lingering a second too long. 

Even though he left to wherever he slept now, she could see the indentation he left on the mattress, the place he slept night after night after night after--

Rey ran her hands through her hair before pulling the sheets off the bed and stringing them into a pallet by the viewport. She didn’t give the mattress another glance -- too soft.

At some point the doors opened, a bubbling query coming from BB-9E as the droid rolled over. Rey smiled as the droid hissed and mumbled and nudged her side. “If you help me, I’ll give it to you.”

The optical sensor shifted in a poor mimic of a nod. 

“Can you pull up the most recent recon footage of the Resistance? I want to check on Finn.”

It whirred once before rolling to a computer terminal. Rey ransacked Kylo’s storage units until she found a datapad. It didn’t take long, there was one in the first one she checked, which was only mildly disappointing. 

Leia was seen the most on the footage. She spent the most time staring at the sky, but every now and then Finn would come out, either with Poe or with the girl she didn't’ recognize and then Rey could pretend that he was standing out there looking for her. The droid bleeped something that Rey took as rather inappropriate, but when she came but the datafile was already loaded and ready to view. She settled at the table and pulled it up and scanned. 

Rey frowned. The tape was empty. It was just the empty salt sands of Crait for days upon days. She frowned as she rewound the footage and tried again, to no avail. This made no sense, there was no way for the Resistance to get away from Crait, not without the _Mercurial_ seeing them. There was no way for any assistance to reach them without being seen, there was nothing-- 

_ What _ ?

Kylo’s voice echoed in her mind, following the string that linked the two of them that began to shake in time with her hands.

_ Rey, what’s going on. _

She barely registered his concern. What did that give her? He’d known that the council was unaware she was onboard and instead kept her locked away until it nearly got them both killed. And the Supreme Leader who never lied to her had to have known about this change in footage for how long and kept it from her? And now he called to her as she bled out fear in the Force. But she didn’t want his reassurance. 

Instead, she turned from the datapad to the console where BB-9E was still connected. “Was this the only file?”

The droid beeped affirmatively.

“I want you to pull up every video they’ve transmitted in the last three weeks since there was last confirmed Resistance presence.”

BB-9E hissed before reluctantly pulling up the tapes, transmitting them to Rey’s datapad. She chucked it a piece of scrap she pulled from under the bed. It whistled happily before rolling away.

_ Rey _ \-- 

Without a second thought, Rey shut the door and locked the bond and locked him away as he yelled from the corner of her mind and tears rolled down her cheeks. The  _ Mercurial _ ’s orbit hadn’t changed, the coordinates were exactly the same, but the footage didn’t lie. One day Leia Organa came and stared at the sky, and one day she was gone. No one came after her and it was only hours before the winds blew away her blood-red footprints on the earth.

Rey scoured through every day of the feed, searching for something that might have been missed, but it didn’t matter. 

The Resistance was gone.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm working on a mood board and coming up with a more concrete playlist for this fic so keep an eye on that soon :D (tho if you have any suggestions, send them my way.....)


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry for the delay, lovelies. 
> 
> I wrote several fics for the Reylo Fanfiction Anthology Valentine's Exchange (you should check them out on my work's page and you should check out the entire collection -- OVER 200 NEW REYLO FICS GO READ GO) and was a bit brain fried for a while before I could finish this chapter at the standard that I wanted. 
> 
> It's still not exactly where I wanted it to be, but it's close and I thought I starved you of an update for long enough. 
> 
> I know I promised a playlist (which i made) but I haven't posted it on [my tumblr](https://thereminnsonata.tumblr.com/) yet, so stay tuned. I'll link it here when I do. 
> 
> thank you so much to [meritmut](http://archiveofourown.org/users/meritmut/pseuds/meritmut) for reading over this before I posted it <3 <3
> 
> and as always, thank you so much for every comment and kudos you leave. I honestly reread them on bad days and it makes my day so much better and makes me want to write this faster. So please, please leave comments, and if you like this, please tell your friends and share it. I hope you enjoy this Rebel Interlude before we begin act 2!! <3
> 
>  
> 
> (also its still me, i changed my username because i've been wanting to for a while and i finally have a good new one ;)

 

* * *

 

“Where are they?”

It wasn’t hard for her to find him. Kylo looked up as Rey walked into the anteroom. He was sitting on a couch, a datapad on his hands, brow furrowed in confusion. He leaned back when she didn’t slow down, the bond in her mind reaching out, trying to read her intent. 

She slammed it shut. He blinked and started. “I don’t know what you’re talking about--”

Rey lay down the holorecorder on the desk and pressed play without breaking eye contact. “They’re gone. It’s been over two weeks and there’s been no sign of… them.”

She couldn’t quite bring herself to say their names. If she said their names, then it would be speaking them out onto the sands of R’iia, their bodies forever lost to time and placed in the past. And she couldn’t lose them now, not when she gave so much to keep them alive.

Kylo levelly reached out and turned off the records once the clips finished before pursing his lips and crossing his arms. “I better recall the  _ Mercurial _ .”

Rey didn’t back away as he stood. “What did you do to them?”

‘I did nothing,” he said quickly. “I don’t know where they went and you’re welcome to comb through the logs--”

“I have! And there is nothing!” She seethed under her breath. “But--”

“Don't you think the capture and or death of a renegade stormtrooper, several decorated rebel pilots, not to mention Leia Organa herself --” Kylo almost tripped over her name, his eye slightly twitching as he held himself together. “Wouldn’t that cross my desk? Wouldn’t there be kilometers of records, detailing the great victory of the First Order? Admirals would kill each other to claim credit."

Rey crossed her arms in a mockery of him. “Then what happened to them?”

“They left.” He said simply, wiping hands on his shirt. It was only then that she realized his casual state of dress, so far from what she was used to seeing the renowned Kylo Ren wear: a pleated linen shirt and soft pants tucked into black boots. He still wore his gloves and his ensemble was still embroidered with strands of gold, but his silhouette was softer than what she was prepared to deal with. He pursed his lips as she pulled her gaze from his torso and back to him.  “And you should be glad.”

“Why?”

His jaw clenched and Rey felt a surge of pride as the bond flared between them, breaking through the barrier she so carefully constructed. It was frustration and determination and pride and the smallest bit of relief -- whether it came from her or him, she wasn’t sure.

“I don’t know where the Rebels went, Rey,” he said at last. “The First Order doesn’t know where the last of the Rebellion went. It’s a wide galaxy and I have many other matters to attend to than chasing ghosts.”

_ They’re safe _ , the bond whispered, from her to him or him to her.  _ You got what you want _ .

~

 

_ Two Standard Weeks Prior. _

Chewie landed the Falcon with ease onto the Canto Bight tarmac. The passengers inside emerged in ratty military fatigues and with a stench that immediately made their eyes water. How they managed to fit twenty people on a light freighter was still a mystery to most of them, but here on solid ground, they could look to the sky and smile for the first time.

Rebels looked at each other in elation. 

They made it.

“Fees?”

The first of the group skidded to a stop as the armed guards met her at the bottom of the ramp. Sabrin Korist was a gunner back on the  _ Raddus _ and all she wanted to see was the sun and a shade of green, but the white armored guard held up a hand before she could even set a foot on the ground. 

“Uhh…”

She turned back and looked up and the twenty heads shuffled to the side as Leia Organa came down the ramp with a clack of her cane. Her hair once carefully coiled in an Alderaanian mourning braid was now in a simple plait that fell down her back, with stray strands sticking out in various directions. Bags were under her eyes -- they were heavy under all of their eyes, but Leia looked out to this world and to the faceless guards with a face out for blood and little left to lose.

“How much?” she asked sharply.

The guard stammered before answering, “Fifteen hundred credits.”

Leia didn’t break eye contact as she leaned her weight onto her cane and pulled off one of her bracelets. 

"General--” Poe leaned forward.

Leia didn’t blink or turn as she pressed the jewelry into the guard’s hands. “Alderaanian gold. Should be enough to cover any of our fees. Now, refuel my ship and get out of my way.”

They didn’t need to be told twice. Leia didn’t move her weight from her cane, her countenance never failing as 

The sun was warm, she slowly noticed. The sun was warm and the air was clean, not the recycled air breathed and bathed in twenty bodies of varying species. A breeze drifted across her face and for the briefest moment, Leia let herself drift away and imagine another planet bathed in light and sound, in another time and place, before there was all the death and pain and suffering she knew in the world. 

It was the weight of the nearly forty eyes that brought her back. Gripping her cane, she straightened her spine and turned around. 

“Connix.”

The blond young woman stepped forward, her hair falling out of the buns she wore with such dedication. “Yes, ma’am?”

Leia didn’t falter as she took off her earrings and shoved them into Connix’s hand. “That should be enough to get you off-world with supplies.”

Connix frowned, following Leia as she walked back along the row of soldiers, rattling off orders. “I’m sorry, but we just got here.”

Leia didn’t seem to notice. “Gather as much as you can. Fresh clothes, civilian grade weapons. Find a ship -- a fast one -- and take as many as you can and get to the Outer Rim.” 

“But General--”

“That is an order, Connix,” Leia replied curtly. The younger woman’s shoulders stiffened as the words fell. “This is not a time to debate this in a committee. Take Korist with you and be fast.”

Connix frowned before nodding to Korist. The two women looked back to the scattering of rebels left on the tarmac before disappearing into the city. Leia sighed and turned back to the rebels. “The rest of you wait on the  _ Falcon _ . Dameron, Finn, Tico, you’re with me.”

Leia gestured to Saile Minnau and Salaka Kuchimba. “You too. The rest of you, stay low until Connix and Korist get back and then get off world as fast as you can. Hail our contacts in the Outer Rim. C’ai, can you do that for me?”

The Abednedo nodded. “Yes ma’am.”

She pulled off the beacon on her wrist. “Take this. Keep it and guard it with your life.”

Rey left her beacon with Chewie before she jumped to the Supremacy. Chewie never left it out of his sight and well, Leia knew the uselessness of having two binary beacons on the same ship. It was better for them to lead it away.

C’ai took it gingerly and gently wrapped it around his arm. “Follow the light home, General.”

Leia held his hand tightly as tears threatened to break. “May the Force be with you. Rebels,” she said, squaring her shoulders and tapping her cane on the tarmac. “Head out.”

~

Canto Bight during the day was a different city than Canto Bight at night. When the sun was out, the streets that were lit at night with flickering flames in glass bulbs were a soft pastel, worn smooth by many shoes. The gaudiness and bright lights faded to muted colors best left alone in the shadows. Citizens and visitors walked around in garments more appropriate to leisure than to other upper-class activities, but it didn’t matter. The motley group trailing behind Leia stuck out like a sore thumb. Even her state gowns were crumpled and stained in various places, but it was the bite in her eyes that kept any questioning bystanders away.

Her face was a famous one in the galaxy, but Canto Bight was a place where one could go in the galaxy and no one would question. People didn’t go to Canto Bight to disappear, but they certainly go there to be found. That and the fact that it had a sizable banking connection that tended to look away with large withdrawals were what made it Leia’s primary point as soon as they made their jumps from Crait.

And Canto Bight didn’t fail to impress they passed scaffolds painted to blend into the delicately carved walls. But even then they didn’t quite disguise the crumbling facades that were still indented with brute force and scratched with dried blood.

Poe’s words caught up to Leia as he whispered when they passed another set of scaffolds. “Was this you?”

“They repaired this faster than I expected,” Finn mumbled, his ears darkening to a deep shade of red. Next to him, Rose coughed into her sleeve.

“What are you talking about?” Leia stopped at the doors to a casino and sent a cursory glance to Finn and Rose had them averting their eyes quickly. Poe blanched. 

“Well, we…” Rose trailed off as the casino doors opened and they were met with the heady taste of strong liquor and overly applied perfume.

“Have you been here before?” Leia slowly turned to look at the trio, though her gaze narrowed in on one particular pilot. Finn and Rose slowly, albeit reluctantly, nodded. “What did you do while I was out, Dameron?” 

“I made mistakes,” he said quietly. 

“So you've told me. And you two got from Crait to Canto Bight in under 18 hours?” Leia pursed her lips and turned back around. “I’m almost impressed.”

She led them around the back tables to the broker who rested against the wall. “Almost.”

Inside, a musician played, lingering on longing notes before soothing the tempo. Soft golden light bathed the tables while the outside rim was lined with shadows. In here, the dress varied from casual to glamorous, but it was the scent of cash and credits that kept them all in place. L iquor poured in gratuitous amounts and flowed from tongue to table, greasing words and whispering lips and making days and nights spin until they were lost in the endless rush of potential victory.

Leia hadn’t been to Canto Bight in years. Decades, but she’d been to enough places in the galaxy to know that some places never really change. Casinos and their cities were made to be timeless and to withstand time. Smoke wafted in her eyes the same way it did back when she and Han and Luke made runs for the Resistance out of the back warehouse. And while people came and went, the faces that lined the casino walls and held their secrets never really changed. 

“And why did you bring us to a casino, General?” Rose asked eventually.

“Looking for him.” Leia gestured for them to stay as she smiled easily and walked up to the table.”

“Princess Organa…” The shadow leaned out of the shadow, revealing a crown of pointed horns on soft, blue skin. The Zabrak smiled with pointed teeth. “It’s been some time.”

“I’d like to make a withdrawal.”

“Really now?” The Zabrak leaned forward, a curious gleam in his eye. “There are many routes to reach the Organa funds, many of which are tracked. And to do so without drawing extra attention is an additional thirty percent--”

“I can pay with withdrawal fee.” She held up her other earring into the light. 

The Zabrak’s eyes widened as he took it in his hands, as gingerly as handling a newly hatched starshrike. “Is this…”

Leia nodded. “And I will let you keep the change in exchange for a guaranteed level of anonymity.”

The Zabrak looked from the piece in his hand and then back to Leia before closing his hand around the jewelry. “Consider it done, Princess. How much would you like to withdraw?”

“All my funds.”

The Zabrak stuttered. “All of them? That is a considerable sum--”

“I have several credit chips to transfer them on.” Leia laid them out on the counter. “I would appreciate speed in this matter.”

“Of course, of course…” He turned around the chips in his hand and began the transfer.

Leia stepped back and Poe glanced over her shoulder at the number of credits dwindling on the screen from her accounts. Millions and millions slowly and steadily decreased, all fitting in the datachips. “Kriffing hell, General…”

"Watch that language, Dameron. This is how you make a fleet.”

The pilot frowned before coming up with a reply and looked over his shoulder. “Where is Finn?”

Leia turned around, scanning the casino floor. Poe started at her side, calling out, but Leia held out a hand. 

“Stay here,” Leia instructed and Poe reluctantly obeyed. It wasn't hard to find him. He stood out, especially since Finn had backed a man against a pillar just in the light of the tables. The man wasn’t tall or short, but stood with a bearing that belied a limp more than likely faked out of a means of begging for coin. His clothes were ragged but the rags were lined with gold and the smell of a cologne that touched only the rich became stronger the closer she got.

“That’s him!” Finn snarled as the man held up his hands. Fingers with heavy rings glinted in the dim light as his heavy coat swung at his hips. A cap fell off the stranger’s head revealing greasy black and grey hair, matching a beard that was equally unkempt.

“Who?” she prompted softly, not taking eyes from the stranger who watched her with a crooked smile. He winked and she froze.

“The one who sold us out.” His face was twisted into a mask of cold fury, and Leia latently felt a chill up her spine as she stared into the face of a man who knew the way of a Stormtrooper better than anyone else she knew. 

And then that chill deepened as she turned on the man and she found herself with a blaster in hand, set to kill. Poe joined her quickly, his pockets stuffed with their credits, but his jaw dropped and his gun was in his hand within seconds. They'd heard enough of the story from Finn and Rose while they waited on Crait; of how foolhearty and bull-headedness rushed them into a plan they weren't prepared for and how a slipped up comm call gave them away and how a single man leveraged that to his advantage and the detriment of them all. Leia stepped forward -- Amilyn's soft eyes smiling into hers along with everyone else who shattered into molecules at this man's carelessness. He killed them with cowardice; he killed them without even knowing their names.

Rose didn’t even hesitate as recognition crossed her face.  The man crumpled as her kick landed squarely in his groin, barely managing to stay on his feet. Leia stepped in close as white armored guards flooded the floor, stun weapons aimed at Finn and Rose. “DJ, you kriffing bastard.”

DJ braced a grin as he leaned on the table. He winked at Rose and wiped his bottom lip. “Nice shot.” 

“Take this outside,” a guard said quietly. Leia leveled them with a stare. If she knew Canto Bight as well as she thought she did, the story already spread of the old woman with Alderaanian gold. They knew who she was, even if they didn’t say it. And even if her name didn’t mean much, Alderaanian gold would pay for any sins she committed. 

“Show us and we’ll take him off your hands.” Without hesitation, the guards complied.

It wasn’t long before the ever-dark of the casino gave way to a long, narrow alley lined with gold-toned stone and silver pavement. Speeders nice enough to be considered yachts lined the side streets, but as Leia looked up, she smiled. Casinos never changed and some cameras were never placed anywhere. 

The six of them circled around the man, while Saile and Salaka held him against the wall. DJ scoffed, shrugging lackadaisically despite the numerous blasters angled in his direction. Finn fell back as Leia brushed past him.

“I ought to kill you,” she murmured. 

“Do it, Princess,” he said without a stammer. He leaned into the barrel of her gun. “Pull that trigger and I’ll just be another smear of blood on your family name. That red ink must run so deep when you look past the line of Alderaan to the stars.”

Her jaw clenched, her hand tightening around the blaster. There were things she should do and possibilities that rose from there. Killing this man in a casino back alley would not be the worst thing to fall on her name, but then there was death staring her in her face: Death marked by Han and Amilyn and Ben and Luke and so many others who fell in service to her, people who looked to her. 

People killed by the actions of this man. And she could atone for it all in a single choice. 

“And if I let you live?” she asked softly. 

He winked at Finn. “I guess you could say I owe a debt.”

Leia looked back, her gun still pressed into his jaw. “Any objections?”

Finn stepped forward, lifted his blaster and aimed. The scream echoed off the metal walls as a single neat blaster burn turned his knee into mangled and twisted pieces of flesh and bone. DJ crumpled into a heap, the cry descending into laughter. 

“I’m good now,” Finn said quietly, his voice barely steady. He didn’t look away, his hands shook, but the blaster was solid in his grip. Rose reached around slipped her hand in his and Leia wrinkled her nose as the smell of charred flesh mingled with singed ozone and threatened to turn her stomach.

“What did I tell you?” he asked breathlessly as two Rebels righted him. “Good guys… Bad guys… It’s all the same.”

Finn lunged forwards, kneeling to get down on his level, the barrel of his blaster jutting against DJ’s jaw. “If you want this go well, just remember this. I could use the target practice.”

“Finn.” He turned back as Rose reached out and took his hand. He let the blaster fall, but not before he turned back to the man.

“You said you know the First Order. I’ve got a friend on the inside. We need to get her out. And you’re going to help us until she’s safe, or I’ll make sure the next knee takes it on full.”

DJ smiled through pain as tears streamed down his eyes and the two Rebels lifted him up. “Sounds like you and I just made a deal, trooper boy.”

Finn said nothing but blinked back tears. Poe called out to Saile to put the prisoner on Connix’s ship and told Salaku to make sure she buys more bacta.

It was just the three of them left. Without pause, Finn threw his blaster on the ground as if it burn and boiled against his skin. He just stared at his palms. Leia gently took them and held them in her's as Rose put a hand on his shoulder. Finn leaned into them, his breath coming raggedly. “It’ll be alright," Leia promised. "We’ll get her back.”

And she swore to herself on pain of death, that it would come true.

  
  



	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _You left me with nothing_ , she said at last.
> 
>  _That’s not my problem._ A million and one things flew across her mind: emotions, thoughts, plans -- faster than she could count or contain. They all summed up to what he saw as his problems. Rey bitterly noticed she was not one of them.
> 
> A snarl of her own came across her lips as the connection shattered, the bleary look in her eye fading to clarity as she looked out across the city below. Her fingers were white as she gripped the bottom of the railing before she let them go suddenly. In front of her was Coruscant and she stood in the Palace of the Endless Sun. The walls and halls she walked and lived in were the same as the Imperial Palace before it and legend said it was once the temple of the Jedi Order. Now it was home to the Supreme Leader, the Jedi Killer who paraded around with the last Jedi at his side.
> 
> And the irony of it all ached in her bones.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello lovelies!! I hope you all enjoy this chapter!! I tried really hard to get this update out for you guys and look! it took me less than three weeks this time loll.
> 
> Here is the promised playlist: Ashes In Our Wake playlist.  
> Please check it out and enjoy! I had a lot of fun making it and I listen to it a lot :) See if you can figure out which songs deal with which characters heehee. And I'll be updating it as the fic updates as well.
> 
> Many thanks to meritmut for being my beta for this chapter <33 
> 
> As always, you can find me on tumblr at aionimica and please please leave comments and share this fic or come say hi on tumblr. It means the world to me to see your comments and I love rereading them on bad days <33 
> 
> thank you so much for your support on this fic, I am eternally grateful
> 
> This is the beginning of Act 2 so I hope you've got a good place to settle in, we're going for a ride ;)

* * *

 

If Jakku tasted of rust and dust and old dried blood, Coruscant was the bitter smell of civilization built upon itself time and time again. Everywhere Rey looked she saw old and new patched together in a monstrous conglomeration that towered into the skies and cast long, dark shadows into the caverns of the lower levels. It was alive where Jakku was dead, it was vibrant and sturdy where Jakku was barren and dull; it was everything and nothing and it beating metal heart called to her like the behemoth skeletons on her desert sands.

But here? 

Here was life. Rain rolled down window panes -- everywhere she looked Rey could see rain, the stacked horizon shrouded in fog and mist. If the planet had seasons, it would have been spring, but all that it was now was a cool rain. If she looked hard enough, Rey could just make out the millions upon millions of transports and speeders moved in the organized chaos of space lanes, layering over each over for miles upon miles. No one cared about rain on Coruscant, but Rey couldn’t look away until someone cleared their throat.

It was a man and woman, older in years, their skin pinched with lines from being on Star Destroyers too long, but the pins on their chest designated their title well enough. Rey swallowed. Moffs. 

The woman glanced at her once, where the man hardly glanced her way, but her eyes were dark and narrow, piercing through whatever veneer Rey managed to put forth. 

“ _Jedi_ ,” she whispered to her companion and without looking away from Rey. 

Rey held her gaze until they passed before looking out the window again. She raised a hand to the water rolling down just mere inches away and closed her eyes.  _ Jedi _ . The Moff said it with such venom, such disdain and malice and though Rey had never seen this woman before, it didn’t matter. She’d heard the sentiment every single day.

She took a deep breath and closed her eyes before walking on again. This was how it was, this is how it would be: either they ignored her and looked the other way, or they took the time to stop and stare at her as if she was some oddity their Supreme Leader picked up in the bowels of space. Rey had been the smallest thing on a planet of scavengers long enough to know that the former option was more preferable; sometimes being wanted was not a gift.

It’s possible that had to do with the trio of deathtroopers at her back, but even still, no one cared that she walked with an escort and no insignia on her lapel. They only sneered  _ Jedi _ and kept on. In some ways, she was appreciative of her escort, but the black armored troopers were still a shackle she couldn’t ignore. 

Even after she was moved to Kylo’s level on the  _ Finalizer _ , and even still here on Coruscant, her guard hadn’t been reduced. They stood outside her doors, ready to follow her wherever she went. At least they were loyal, and with time began to keep their arms and blasters lowered.

Rey glanced outside one last time as the hall of windows ended and twisted back into the center of the palace. She almost laughed. Here she was, a scavenger on a planet of metal, with nothing but true earth for miles and miles, but there was nothing for a scavenger to do. They’d disembarked from the  _ Finalizer _ nearly a week ago and just as before, the illustrious Supreme Leader had been swept away and Rey spent her time searching as far and wide as she was allowed. So far she’d found nothing of value to a scavenger, but found wealth beyond imagine. 

The palace was pristine. Halls were lined with imported rugs and her worn boots walked on old wooden floors polished to a blackened shine. The walls were carved granite and imbued with gold. And that was just the main halls. There were so many corridors and rooms she hadn’t found. But the weight of the building settled on her, heavy and dark and opulent but when she turned to follow its lines and see its trails, all she saw was blinding light and inherent peace.

And so Rey followed them, seeing wherever they might take her.

“ _ I don’t think so _ .”

Rey blinked at Tinky held up a hand and blocked her path. Behind the trooper was a single long hall with no doors and no lights. At the farthest end, she could make out a single exit framed in shadow. She narrowed her eyes. She’d never seen this place before.

“Why not?” Rey stepped around the trooper easily, keeping her posture lax and her hands down as she took another step down the hall. She got about five paces before the trooper’s heavily armored hand gripped her shoulder and held her fast. “What’s down there?”

“ _ Not sure, but it’s off our maps _ .  _ Best not to investigate _ .”

“But--”

Tinky’s grip tightened and the Force pressed on her chest as Rinky raised their blaster. Rey pursed her lips together. The hallway stretched out, seemingly unending as she stood there, even though she thought she could see the end. It was a pressure at the end of her mind, the place where the Force rests that pulled her here, called to here, made her want to step forward, but the trooper didn’t budge.

“This doesn’t make sense…” 

“ _ Sorry, Jedi _ .”

Rey huffed as she allowed herself to be led away. At least they were apologizing now and had given her a title. She’d prefer her name but she’d take what she could get. “What now then? We’ve already walked this place ten times. I want to get out of this place, I want to go somewhere.”

_ I want to breathe air and feel the sun and get away from you _ .

Kinky glanced back.  _ “How about we take you to the library?” _

She looked up suddenly. Rey knew what they were doing --  _ keep the Jedi girl out of trouble _ \-- but even she couldn’t resist asking, “There’s a library?”

Whatever Kinky said was drowned out by the gaping pull of the Force. She looked over her shoulder. 

_ Rey _ , the thought came with a growl of warning.

Oh, fabulous. Exactly what she needed. Kylo Ren stood against the window, leaning on a table that wasn’t there, looking at a speaker she couldn’t see. He blinked suddenly as he saw her, his jaw falling just slightly slack as the sudden force of the bond ripped through them. They’d managed to keep it under control as of late, able to open and close it at will, but there were still times like this when it was out of their hands and they had to wait until it ebbed away.

Rey rolled her eyes and crossed her arms.  _ I’m not listening _ .

_ That’s not the point _ . If a sigh could be expressed through the Force, Rey was certain Kylo would have sighed. The pause he left instead was enough.  _ I’m busy.  _

_ Is that an excuse? Is that the reason you’ve run away ever since we landed? _

He didn’t look at her now, but Rey watched as his posture bristled and his jaw clenched. His eye twitched as 

_ You’ve been the one on the run every morning. If you wanted my company, all you had to do was ask.  _

Rey snarled.  _ If I wanted --- when has this ever been about what I want? _

Kylo swallowed and Rey smiled with some small satisfaction as his hand began to shake.  _ It has always been that way. You wanted the Resistance saved, you wanted to stay here. You want a shuttle, you want to leave? I can make that happen in a heartbeat. _

It was their constant argument. He’d ask if she wanted to leave and Rey would ask about their deal. And then it went round and round in circles until one of them broke away, neither willing to answer honestly or ask what was really needling in their chest. They were stuck together but refused to act as such. So why even bother. Rey lashed out with the sword in her chest.  _ And then what?  _

Kylo growled.  _ Don’t play the fool. You’re better than that. _

_ You left me with nothing _ , she said at last.

_ That’s not my problem _ . A million and one things flew across her mind: emotions, thoughts, plans -- faster than she could count or contain. They all summed up to what he saw as his problems. Rey bitterly noticed she was not one of them.

A snarl of her own came across her lips as the connection shattered, the bleary look in her eye fading to clarity as she looked out across the city below. Her fingers were white as she gripped the bottom of the railing before she let them go suddenly. In front of her was Coruscant and she stood in the Palace of the Endless Sun. The walls and halls she walked and lived in were the same as the Imperial Palace before it and legend said it was once the temple of the Jedi Order. Now it was home to the Supreme Leader, the Jedi Killer who paraded around with the last Jedi at his side. 

And the irony of it all ached in her bones.

~

“What’s this?” 

Kylo Ren stood in front of a large black desk in a newly portioned room off the center of the Palace of the Endless Sun. The room was easily accessed off his current rooms; private but still accessible to officers and advisors without requiring Kylo to leave. Compared the muted tones of his own room, the walls here were emblazoned with the First Order emblem; red eyes that watched over his shoulder, taking track of his every move. But the thing that caught his eye was the stack of data chips Hux had arranged meticulously next to a data pad.

“Paperwork, Ren. Please tell me that as someone who files the most meticulous post flight reports you understand the necessity of having someone  _ read _ them.”

“And what exactly am I reading over?”

“These are the accounts of the last encounter with the Resistance fleet. Admiral logs and aggregated accounts of the TIE fleets.”

Kylo sat down and glared. “What are your duties now,  _ General _ ?”

Hux smirked. “Dislike it all you want. Paperwork is a part of the game, and getting your name on particular pieces is an unfortunate necessity. Replace me, kill me, do whatever you want, but let me assure you; you’ll find me to be the most amenable party on your side right now, Supreme Leader.”

If Kylo was a laughing man, he would have done so there. Hux, on his side? They were more likely to accidentally pilot the  _ Finalizer _ through a supernova than Hux ever willingly submit to him.

Kylo rubbed his eyes, trying to forget the bags underneath them. There was a reason he hadn’t been sleeping well and the number one reason paced in front of him. “We’re still approximately three days from your coronation and despite all of this we still have several things to cement. I have scheduled meetings with the Moffs and generals in addition to finalizing preparations.”

“You're enjoying this.”

Hux barely shrugged, his sniveling facade hardly shifting. “Only doing my duty to ensure a smooth transition of leadership while inspiring faith in you in the masses.”

“Get out.”

“One more matter, Supreme Leader.”

Kylo’s palm flattened against the desk. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Ever since he’d seen her, he wanted to be alone. The shadow of Rey stalked him everywhere and even when he was alone, he could still feel her back there, ignoring him and biding her time until the Force ripped them open and brought them together again. 

This last time had been particularly intrusive. The bond had opened like once did -- where all he could see was her and she could see nothing but him. It had taken all of his concentration in that room to not look at her, to not give anything away, but a few of the attendants had frowned when he turned to look at her in shock. 

Since landing on Coruscant, they had an unspoken agreement to stay away from the other. With the Rebels falling off the surface of Crait and into the bowels of the galaxy, there was not much holding them together. The Rebels were safe, Rey had gotten what she wanted and now she was living in the palace of the First Order at the height of luxury. She wanted and needed nothing from him. 

Kylo didn’t blame her. But at night, he found himself drawn to her, across whatever distances they found themselves. 

Nights were the worst. He dreamed of islands and seas he’d never seen before and heard voices he didn’t quite understand. And then he’d see her, looking at him with such loss and longing before he’d wake up gasping against whatever held him down. An uncomfortable heat coiled in his chest and pooled in the base of his spine before he’d throw the blankets off and jump into a cold fresher. 

The reminder that she slept only a few rooms away did nothing to help. 

He grit his teeth and didn’t look to Hux. “What.”

“The girl. People are… asking about her.”

“What do you mean?”

“Surely you have noticed it. I’ve had several Moffs ask me about the beautiful irony of bringing a Jedi here, but most are concerned with the seeming freedom you’ve given her. Now I’ve attempted to educate them on the benefit of you having an apprentice but--”

Kylo snarled, his patience nearly non-existent. “What do you want me to do about it?” 

Hux rolled his eyes. “For your own sake, keep her out of sight. Or perhaps add to her guard with some of your own.”

Kylo glanced over Hux’s shoulder to the red robed figures in the shadows of the room. His own guard stood at constant attention, blending into the background. They stood as still as statues, their weapons frozen at their side. 

“ _ For your own protection, Supreme Leader _ ,” Hux had said the day they were stationed outside his room. 

_ “I don’t want them _ ,” Kylo said, his lightsaber in hand before he could stop himself.  

“ _T_ _ hat is not for you to decide. How would it look anyways _ ,” Hux mused as he inspected the seam along his glove, “for our Supreme Leader to die with a knife in his back like some common peasant? You will get the best.”

Kylo missed nothing, not the least how they were armed with force pikes and phalanxes. He’d seen them up close once, even sparred with them several times. They were masterpieces of innovation: able to withstand lightsabers combined with armor invulnerable to blasters. The perfect guard for an emperor, the perfect prison for a Jedi.

_ And which are you _ , his snaking mind whispered, the howling winds inside his skull battering away any reply. 

Kylo glared at his general, the silent storm of his mind threatening to overflow. He just wanted peace and silence and nothing but himself. It was the only thing that seemed to quiet it all. “Remember what I said on matters when it comes to her. If they have issues with my leadership, bring them to me and I’ll deal with them personally. Now get out.”

“Excellent diplomatic instincts, Supreme Leader.”

Kylo collapsed in his seat as the door closed behind Hux. His hands shook when he let them up, the Force ringing and tenuous in his ear; the air around him practically vibrated, the shadows of his room lengthening despite the fog and rain outside. It pounded on the window with a fervor that matched the pace of his heart and it rang in his ears like a siren that wouldn’t -- couldn't stop. 

And despite the fog and rain, Coruscant gleamed with it’s own lights and the brilliant reflection of the itself off its own  metallic surface. The city-planet hadn’t changed in nearly a thousand years and Kylo didn’t think it ever could. It was Coruscant and just like Tatooine would always be burnt under the might of it’s twin suns, Coruscant would always be the bustling gem that never slept.

But here they were, heading for Coruscant, the gem of the galaxy, the seat of his power and the culmination of over a thousand years of galactic rule. It was symbolic, he supposed, that his mother and the old Rebel leaders had chosen Chandrila as their seat -- and then Hosnian Prime not long after: they didn’t want to be aligned with the failings of the Republic, nor the overbearing hand of the Empire. Not that it saved them. They still fell to the same faults as before. They never learned.

This would all change. The galaxy was preparing for rebirth and Coruscant was the cradle where it would grow, where the First Order would watch it turn into an order of might and engineering and peace that the galaxy hasn’t seen or would never seen in a thousand years. 

In two days he’d rule it all. But for now, his mind called for sleep. All he had to do was stand and walk away. The walk from here to his quarters would be enough to clear his head and well worth his efforts. They’d been repurposed from Imperial days past to be appropriate for the Supreme Leader and it was obvious that the First Order spared no expense. Polished hardwoods covered every corner and there was room after room of necessities. He’d never have to leave if he didn’t want to. 

His quarters were enough to satiate him completely: he had a bed and a bath and all he could possibly want to occupy his mind and keep the silent storm from swallowing him whole. 

_ No, their quarters _ , he corrected himself bitterly and that alone was enough to keep him in his seat.

He gave her his room and despite the fact that their sleeping quarters were separated by halls and only considered a single wing, he still did everything in his power to stay away. The dreams were enough. Not to mention she told him before that she wanted to be alone -- that she couldn’t escape him even when he was away, and he was more than happy to oblige. His mind had been quiet since Snoke with the exception of her and Kylo couldn’t tell if that was a thing to be feared or praised. 

He looked around the office. It was sparse, it was empty. It was his. 

He didn’t even look at his guards as he told them to wait outside and to admit no one. They filed out silently and soon Kylo was left with nothing but himself and his mind and the pull of sleep against his eyes. It was useless to go back to his rooms - no matter who waited for him there. So instead he leaned back and closed his eyes and dreamed. 

~

_ Kylo raised a hand above her door and knocked. _

_ Rey turned as it opened to admit him. She stood at one of the viewports in her room, hands clasped behind her back as she watched the mighty ship ease it’s way through space towards Coruscant in the distance. He looked down at his feet and a place on the wall off to the side before covering the distance between them in long strides.  _

_ “It’s almost time,” he said.  _

_ She had no weapon, but carried the shattered lightsaber -- his shattered lightsaber, he thought latently -- in her satchel. That didn’t mean she wasn’t formidable, no, but she wasn’t anything he couldn’t handle. Not to mention, the promise of Coruscant, of another world, of gravity itself was enough to temper whatever feelings she harbored towards him. _

_ They said nothing. They didn’t need to. Not matter how hard he tried, he was incapable of fully shutting off whatever thread stretched eons between them. Base emotions, subconscious eruptions that neither could control leaked despite their best efforts to keep their minds to themselves. Even now he could feel the well concealed frustration leak out from around her walls. It wasn’t as much her Force signature as it was the knowledge that he knew she was frustrated without a shadow of a doubt. It was the truest sense of how she felt and he knew that she could feel the same from him.  _

_ The shuttle craft was ready and waiting for them when they arrived to the airlock and they walked in without a word. Kylo closed his eyes as he settled into the dark leather of the yacht, leaning back against the cool seat. It was a small yacht, built to carry no more than six, but outfitted for the utmost in comfort and protection. So it came as no surprise that Rey had stopped in the entry, eyes wide as she followed the circuitry and build.  _

_ “Is this… Is this a SoruSuub?” she asked calmly, though their bond flared with sudden interest and awe.  _

_ “Only the best for the Supreme Leader,” Kylo replied curtly without looking. The bond snapped shut and Kylo grimaced. He hated all of this. _

_ Hux had made on thing very clear as the days to the coronation became fewer and fewer: he was to be seen. He was to be not just a Supreme Leader, but a ruler that the galaxy could stand behind; a thing more reminiscent of the Emperor than anything before it. Snoke had kept to the background, relishing in mystery and parlour mirrors to guide the First Order to fruition. Kylo knew that to be purposeful, knew that it was the Force that allowed him to reach so many from so little, but when his followers looked to the First Order for the remnants of the Empire and Republic and order they so loved, he knew only one thing to be true: rulers had to look the part.   _

_ Kylo sighed as the shuttle broke away from the dock as soon as they were seated. His guard settled into the shadows where he could all but forget about them. Rey’s awe lapsed quickly into silent appreciation at a different end of the ship. Not that he minded. His mind had been blissfully quiet the past months. But he teetered on the void of silence -- that all encompassing maw that threatened to swallow him whole and drown him beyond what he could fathom. There was solace in silence; there was death in silence; there was the truth of himself in silence.  _

_ But the silence was easier to deal with than making it disappear. He glanced to where Rey went, where her signature pulsed like a protostar. It didn’t change anything. She made it clear she didn’t want to talk and Kylo Ren could definitely oblige. _

~

Rey didn’t know what this place once was, or if it had a name, but in her mind, she christened it the Room of a Thousand Pools.

She’d found on her second night in the palace when she woke and snuck past her guard and wandered around in the dark down a path to the bottom of the ziggurat. There she found this place of silence. Thousands of silent, still pools of water sat undisturbed and forgotten. Old paths that were worn smooth by unknown feet carved careful paths between them. Little patches of green grass kept them apart and every now and then she found benches as if this was a place people came to sit and talk or wait. 

Rey found herself doing the latter: waiting for morning or waiting for sleep or waiting for the silence to become so much that she went back to her room. Either way, it was a quiet place. And Rey knew how to deal with solitude.

She stood suddenly as footsteps cracked on the gravel path. At first, she bristled when she felt him, but the emptiness of his presence in the Force held it to fade away. He wasn’t empty as much as aimless, wandering a place that was his and yet foreign in every sense of the word. Kylo Ren walked out of the shadows with a slack jaw and bags under his eyes that accentuated the color of his scar. His shirt was loose, the sleeves swinging around his arms and his pants made little noise as he walked over to her. 

“What are you doing here?” He looked at her confused and at the same time relieved. Rey swallowed and crossed her arms over her own shirt and stood her ground. A chill ran down her arms, the soft fabric of her nightshirt and leggings providing little comfort against the chill in the air and his presence. Not that he noticed. Kylo glanced away, refusing to step closer. Instead, he asked shakily, “You couldn’t sleep either?”

“I’ve never slept well,” she said. The honesty surprised her -- she’d never told anyone that before. And yet she told him like it wasn’t even a secret at all.

“Ah.”

There was no wind in here, so his hair was a messed as it was when he ran his hands through his hair. Heavy locks fell across his face, softening his hard lines and scar. A part of her always spiked with pride when she saw it that quickly faded to vague unease. 

“Are you here to take me back? Have the troopers round me up and take me back to my room?” she asked dryly. While it was never explicitly stated she couldn’t go anywhere after dark or without her guard, Rey was almost certain that they’d never let her out of her room again if a Moff or Hux found her.

But Kylo Ren only looked at her with wide eyes and a certain soft eagerness that she’d only seen once before: on a shattered ship when the only decision they had in the galaxy was between the two of them.

“No,” he said almost too quickly. “I’m… I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to bother you -- I’ll go--”

“No, please.” Rey slowly lowered her hand. He stilled and slowly turned as she took a step closer. She cursed herself as she found her feet to be lead. It had been so easy to do this once. To open herself to him and chase him across the galaxy in a crusade for his heart. 

But that was a different time, a different place, a different Rey. And while he was the same, he was more different than she could have imagined. And that was her failing. She looked at him and saw black and white and right and wrong, but when she looked into his mind, all she could see was the absolutes of the galaxy stirred into morphing shades of grey. 

She saw his future and saw his desires, but in her eagerness and hubris, she forgot to see him where she was and that brought this pain onto all of them. 

Rey brushed a strand of hair behind her ear. She’d left it out of her usual tie and it had gotten longer than she had ever had it before. “When is it?”

He didn’t have to ask what she meant. There was only one event in 

“Two days,” he said quietly. Two days until he was the Supreme Leader in more than just name. Two days until he assumed his master’s mantle and burden and the responsibility for killing so many that Rey loved. Two days until she couldn’t separate him from the office and it was only now that she realized she had been doing it.

“I hear it will be quite the party.”

“That’s their plan.” He glanced to her, inhaling sharply as he suddenly realized how close she’d become. “Will you be there?”

“I don’t know if I have much of a choice,” she replied dryly. 

He nearly smiled, a twisted bitter thing. “At least you’ve not made a run for it.”

“Hey,” she said softly. “I’m still here.”

“And after all of this?”

The bond between them fluttered and she felt his unsurety. Whether he meant the coronation or the deal or the war, she wasn’t sure. Rey wasn’t sure she wanted to know. She could feel his unease, his loss, everything that was the same in the boy she saw in Luke’s visions. Anger and pain and suffering swarmed around the shape of a man who hated how he still dared to hope in the shadow of his darkest heart. 

She reached up and brushed the hair from his eyes. He glanced to her, startled and eyes wide and every part of him tensed and stilled. Her fingers touched his chin, her thumb brushing against his skin. 

“I’m here now.” He leaned into her touch, a miniscule gesture, but enough that the line of his jaw pressed along the curve of her fingers. She closed her eyes and opened herself up to the Force. 

_ Why can’t this be enough _ ?

He didn’t answer. She didn’t press him. They just stood there, an echo of a time in the past where their hands touched across eons in a hut on an island by the sea. His hair fell into his eyes and brushed against her hand. He didn’t look at her, but she couldn’t look away from him. 

Rey blinked back tears, willing herself to keep her breath steady. Kylo didn’t need to say anything. She knew the answer. 

And it was the same as hers.

~

She left him in the Room of a Thousand Pools and all the water was as still as glass, save for a single pool next to where they were standing.

It bubbled softly to itself as if a force beneath the surface decided it was time to awaken.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Room of a Thousand Pools is what I imagined happened to the [Room of a Thousand Fountains](http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Room_of_a_Thousand_Fountains/Legends), which is one of my favorite things from the Old EU.
> 
> The Palace of the Endless Sun is the renamed and repurposed [ Imperial Palace](http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Imperial_Palace) which was the Jedi Temple before Order 66
> 
> <3 <3 I hope you enjoyed! Please comment and share and let me know your thoughts!


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey glanced away, her fingers fumbling with the golden bracers they put on her wrists. Why did it matter why Kylo promised, it certainly meant nothing for her. As long as he kept their deal, what did it matter what he did with the rest of his power.
> 
> But there was an uncanniness to his gaze, to those soft brown eyes that became pointed as they locked on her, as if she were the one he made his promises to.
> 
>  _Don’t make promises to me_ , she thought sharply. _Not promises you can’t keep._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> many thanks to the lovely [meritmut](https://archiveofourown.org/users/meritmut/pseuds/meritmut) for reading over this before I posted <3
> 
> I'm trying to keep this on an every two week update cycle but I've been having some health issues so if it ends up being late, know I haven't abandoned this story. It just takes time to write.
> 
> <3 <3 thank you as always for your lovely comments and encouragement! come chat with me on my tumblr (aionimica) and don't forget to kudos/comment/share! <3

* * *

 

 

Her touch burned.

Three days later and Kylo could still feel the spot where Rey’s fingers lingered along his skin. When he left her in the room of pools, he had gone back to his rooms and stood in the fresher, the heated water turned to the highest setting. He stood there under the near-scalding stream as his fingers traced the path that she carved on him -- the scar and the ghost of a touch she left behind.

He took the bar of soap and rubbed it on his face, almost as if to scratch it off or set it in, he wasn’t sure. A part of him -- an old part stained by the memories of his master wanted it gone.

 _Weakness_ , it spat. Attachment -- it would bring him down, cause him to stumble. For so many years he’d severed it all, embracing the phantom pain that came with all the loss. It would be so easy to do that with her. To just shutter her aside, cast her out on an abandoned planet with a platoon.

But he’d promised her and this attachment ran so deep, to the core of his being. He saw her and she saw him to an extent he wasn’t even sure of how clearly. It was this connection between them that drove him to take down Snoke, to kill his Master in cold blood and take his place.

Snoke had whispered of the folly of the Rule of Two that the Sith preached for so long, but had failed to learn the lesson from them. The apprentice will always try to rise and Kylo was ever searching for a way to get out from under that heel that stamped on him for so long.

And it was that part of his mind that rocked on the thrashing sea that called for Rey’s casting aside. It was that voice that left her in solitude on the _Finalizer_ while he settled into his role; it was that voice that kept her away no matter how the bond in their minds kept bringing them together.

But there was a silent part in the storm of his mind that sighed in aching relief as she touched him and held him and stayed. It was the silent part that went over the memory over and over, that catalogued her eyes as she asked him if it would ever be the same.

And what was the same for them? What did that mean? That constant distrust that strung between them or the bond that let them see past it all? And what did that matter to two individuals stuck on opposite sides in a war?

So he left her behind and thought of her eyes and her hands and her lips as she spoke. The soft way the light struck her hair and found it brought him all peace. The thought of her, the thought of Rey brought him peace. And she was there, just there, just out of reach -- separated by a door and a few walls; it was a meager thing to just walk down her hall and knock at her door, but each night he considered it, something indeterminate held him back.

So instead, he just lay in his bed, wide away with a racing mind until sleep took him. Some nights if he let himself drift far enough, he could feel the ocean lapping softly at the edges of her mind. Even in this place, on a planet made of metal, she still dreamed of water and hot sun. A desert girl to the end.

“My lord.”

He tensed as the mechanical vocabulator of the protocol droid started up. The lights turned on and Kylo blinked as the curtains rose to bathe him in soft dawn light. It shuffled towards his closet, where his outfit was laid out meticulously.

Kylo closed his eyes, on the smallest of chances that if he overslept no one would notice. Maybe if he just lay there, no one would come find him, no one would know any different and his life could continue. As it were. But that was impossible.

Snoke was dead, killed by his own hand and here he was, preparing to take on his mantle. A Supreme Leader who made a deal with a Jedi girl and let the last remains of the Resistance go; who looked away at her whims. A Supreme Leader beholden to a girl and stranded along by the strings of men.

He swallowed as he swung his legs over the bed and hoisted himself up. The protocol droid walked out and set his tunic out on a chair. One day he’d break free from them all. Today was only the beginning.

It was time.

~

Some would dream of the day they would be called _Sovereign_.

Kylo had only seen it in dreams, only in nightmares.

The first time was when he was a child and he was stuck in the sheets on his home on Chandrila.

The heavy crown of Alderaan cut into his brow and blood ran down his cheeks and an old man under heavy, hooded robes looked out at him with lightning in his eyes as he laughed and moved his hands with puppet strings.

He’d cried himself to sleep after that.

As he’d grown older, the nightmares faded to discerning dread as his mother’s friends would refer to him as the _little prince_ or the evening star of Alderaan. He was beholden to none of their expectations, none of their political schemes; instead, he buried himself in his work and studies, only to be raised again in the light of inheritance.

The Force was his true plane of comfort -- the one place he could find solace. And he was more than just an adept; there he had grown into an heir worthy of his bloodline and took on the mantle of a name he was proud to bear.

Snoke held the promise of his head, to make up the failings of his forefathers. It was a legacy to achieve, an atonement for the mistakes of the past, all cast aside when Snoke saw Rey and brought her to her knees in front of Kylo with a blade in his hand.

That day passed in a fleeting shadow and now he was there again: the promise of his blood fully realized. He’d succeeded where Vader failed and now he stood where his grandfather longed. The galaxy was his and he held it now in the palm of his hand.

He stood still as they dressed him with all the might and splendor of the ruler of worlds. His black tunic was embroidered and lined with red and golden thread that carved patterns along the hems. They kept his pleated sleeves and trousers, and he adamantly kept his gloves, but the rest of the adornments were cut from another cloth. A single black circlet sat low on his brow.

But it was the cape that angled across his chest, draped across one shoulder that was the pinnacle of the ensemble. Heavy black cloth lined with red and gold and rimmed with black fur, it was embroidered with the red sixteen pointed sun of the First Order in an endless pattern, the light of which was threaded with gold. Their Order’s creed was stitched into the very fabric: their sun would never set.

“Now, when you go out there, remember, just follow the damn script.”

Kylo looked up as he adjusted his sleeves and pulled up his gloves. Hux stood off to the side, flicking a piece of lint from his own suit.

"I have a script?”

“It’s on the holo,” Hux said dismissively. “Just a few words after the oaths to cement the occasion and to place in the annals and archives.”

Kylo pressed his lips together. Any words that Hux wrote for him were going to be riddled with deceit and littered with seeds of dissent to play against him later and by the look the general was giving him, Hux knew Kylo was suspicious.

The only problem was that Kylo was stuck in this game with nothing to play in his hand.

“Don’t worry, Supreme Leader,” Hux said with false reassurance as he stepped around the emperor-to-be. “You’ll be fine.”

The procession was a relatively simple thing. His red guards filed out around him and lines of stormtroopers filed out before them. He walked through their ranks up the stairs to the balcony where the ceremony was held, where the cameras and microphones were set up against the grand backdrop of the palace and the Coruscanti skyline.

It was not grand by old Republic standards. The crowning of a Queen on Naboo gathered more fanfare than what the First Order put together. But this didn’t need to be beloved. It was to cement ruling and power and give those that needed a guiding hand the figure to look to. It was to show the First Order had presence and might and when Kylo looked out from the balcony, he was the perfect image of power: troopers of every class and pilots in their ships lined up in perfect order, all standing at attention and waiting for him. He felt as if he would throw up.

A single officer walked forward. It was one of the elder members of the First Order -- Pellaeon, if he remembered -- who once served under Emperor Palpatine. Though his face was weary and lined, his hair and thick mustache white, he stood with the pride of an Imperial Admiral who never gave up his commission.

Kylo straightened his back as Pellaeon stepped forward. On other planets in other ceremonies, it was custom for the ascendant sovereign to kneel as they swore their oaths and received their crown. But Kylo Ren had no greater power. Only the Force. And there was no one in the Force to hold that higher than him, so he stood.

He would be Supreme Leader and he’d bow to no one.

His red guards flanked the ceremony podium and off to the side were seating for various Moffs and high ranking officials. He noted a few of the familiar faces, all who garnered front row seats to a place in history. Daala and Kaddas sat with indeterminate expressions on their face. Hux looked bored. But then he saw her and oh, _she_ wasn’t supposed to be here.

He caught her from the corner of his eye. They dressed her in varied shades of black and grey, with sharper angles than he’d ever seen on her before. The overcoat fell to the floor and her tunic was a dark shade of red that stood against her skin like a bloodstain. But her arms were bare, her wraps traded for solid golden bracers that stopped just before her elbows. Red and gold embroidery lined every layer of fabric and the smallest part of him swelled with pride to see her in his colors. The other part despaired.

“Lord Ren.” He looked to Pellaeon who waited patiently. “Are you willing to take the oath?”

Kylo glanced to the side, to where Rey stood and without looking away he said, “Yes.”

~

Rey was certain she made a mistake.

Granted, she’d been saying that for the past several standard weeks. Even longer, if she considered the day in Niima Outpost when she’d run across a BB-type astromech. Though she regrets nothing that happened since then, there is always that wonder of what would have happened if she had stayed. If she never met Finn, never saw BB-8, never traveled with Han.

She regretted none of it, but there was a nagging thought that surely, everything that had happened since she left Luke on Ahch-To had been a mistake. None of this was supposed to happen and yet -- She had been unable to find a different course of action. The mistake she made was not saving the Resistance, it wasn’t in bargaining with the First Order.

It was standing with the man who now swore his oaths in front of her, in the room of silent pools, talking to that man like they had known each other for so long.

And though it felt like lifetimes since she first saw into this mind, it was so much less.

“Will you solemnly promise and swear to govern the peoples and citizens that fly the flag of the First Order and the systems that have agreed to line our borders and continue to trade, and of your Possessions and the other Territories to any of them belonging or pertaining, according to their respective laws and customs?”

She glanced away as the officer droned on, away from Kylo’s eyes. He could have chosen to look anywhere, but Rey continued to feel his heavy gaze on her. His attention leaked through their bond to the back of her mind, where he pulled to her as he swore.

“I will.”

She tried to not roll her eyes and she felt him bristle in the Force.

 _Liar_ , she said softly.

It was a falsehood - Kylo had never lied, not to her -- but his promises were empty: a farce for a galaxy looking for a ruling hand and twisted promises that could be kept and unkept.

"Will you to your power cause Law and Justice, in Mercy, to be executed in all your judgements?”

“I will,” he said sharply.

The wind picked up the edges of his cape and fluttered against the fringe of his hair. His mouth was taut, lips pressed into a single line as that scar pulled across his face. _I will_ , he said in her mind.

Rey glanced away, her fingers fumbling with the golden bracers they put on her wrists. Why did it matter why Kylo promised, it certainly meant nothing for her. As long as he kept their deal, what did it matter what he did with the rest of his power.

But there was an uncanniness to his gaze, to those soft brown eyes that became pointed as they locked on her, as if she were the one he made his promises to.

 _Don’t make promises to me,_ she thought sharply. _Not promises you can’t keep_.

And yet… she thought back to the night three days ago and months and months before… When she’d reached out for him and he met her in the middle. When she grazed his cheek and leaned into his touch. There was a similarity between those moments, joined together in time. And as he promised to the First Order, Rey couldn’t shake the feeling that he was promising to her and Rey wasn’t sure what worse.

“Will you to the utmost of your power maintain the Laws of the First Order and the true profession of the our Creed? Will you to the utmost of your power maintain in the First Order in the following of the Empire that birthed it? Will you maintain and preserve inviolably the growth and power of our Order, and the doctrine, worship, discipline, and government thereof, as by law established?”

She looked at him then. She looked at the man she once called Ben but who claimed the name of Kylo Ren. She looked at the Master of Knights as he held the question in his mind and weighed her against it.

 _Come with me_ , she wanted to offer. To run away, to the dark reaches of the galaxy where they couldn’t be found and all of this could be just a terrible memory. Where they could start at the place where they left off and find out where they stood, just the two of them. Just Kylo and Rey.

He didn’t look away as he finally pledged, “I will.”

The First Order Admiral backed away and Kylo somehow stood taller. The wind pulled at him, flaring out his regalia, his fair skin in sharp contrast to his ensemble. A warlord and a leader. They called him Supreme Leader but they dressed him in the garb of an Emperor and they praised him with an “All Hail.”

Heat pricked at the corners of Rey’s eyes and she could have laughed from the spite. _So it’s done_ , _then._

He said nothing, but he didn’t break his gaze from her. Not as the guards stepped forward and the troopers roared and the fighters screeched overhead. Rey took that burden on herself.

~

She turned away as soon as the ceremony was complete and the tension in the crowd lifted. She had to get out, get some air and soothe whatever this was that throttled in her chest. Her hand burned. His touch still stung like the bite of a desert snripa. She felt him in her fingertips, the memories and visions still aching in her bones. But it was the curve of his jaw as he leaned into her palm that set her on fire -- the look in his eyes as he stood there, stilled by her.

And she could go to him now. There was a party she was supposed to attend - a post coronation extravagant thing that was surely going to last as long as these Core World mongers had breath in their bodies. She could go to the party where she was invited to be paraded around as the Supreme Leader’s Jedi, the First Order’s prize from the last battle with the Resistance.

But instead of the path back to her rooms where her change of clothes was waiting, Rey stood at the spot she found three days ago; the spot that her guard had pulled her away from.

In front of her was the door at the end of a long hall that shouldn’t exist and this time there were no stormtroopers to bring her back.

_Rey?_

Just a Supreme Leader who promised his life to falsehoods he didn’t even uphold.

Rey swallowed and with boldness that she once thought lost, she projected her mind to him. She showed it all through her eyes: the black door at the end of the long hall that soothed her mind with answers to questions she didn’t know. Let him sit on that one while his head is filled with whatever the Moffs put in his hand.

She was forced to live in this palace, this place of lies and covered things, but here was one place she couldn’t shake and she wouldn’t let it slip from her grasp again.

_Rey--_

His confusion was frantic and curious and tinged with… was that longing? She felt him drift over the crowds, looking for her and Rey wasn’t quite sure why, but it soothed a tender ache in her chest that hadn’t eased since she was him in the room of a thousand pools and it made her smile.

At his temper when he realized she wasn’t there, Rey reached out and opened the door handle and with a courage that was borrowed, she took a step into the dark.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _The future is not set. What future do you desire?_
> 
>  
> 
> And then Rey saw them, the two of them on a rocky cliff, looking out over a rolling sea of sand. Above them, twin suns set in a kaleidoscope of colors. He was at her side -- Ben Solo -- and he held her hand and she leaned into him and his fingers were in his hair. And then it switched to layers of dark lit by lanterns, the two of them locked together in a tangle of limbs and passion, the heated moans raking over her ears as his lips move down her jaw, her neck, her chest, her breasts and then --
> 
> It cut away as quickly as it came, leaving Rey flushed and with red eyes and a swollen heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh look! a surprise update for you all!
> 
> I had the itch to continue this story and you get an update a lot sooner than I was expecting! 
> 
> as always, I hope you all enjoy! i loved your comments from the previous chapter and I hope you like this one just as much! Please kudos, comment and share with your friends if you like it! you can find me on tumblr [@aionimica](https://aionimica.tumblr.com/) <3
> 
> and many thanks to [hipgrab](https://archiveofourown.org/users/merrymegtargaryen/pseuds/hipgrab) for reading over this last minute for me <3

* * *

 

 

The first thing she noticed was the rush of cold air on her skin. Not cool, cold. It bit against her cheeks and along her arms as her hair raised and stood on end, desperately trying to keep her warm. It enveloped her like a wind from an unknown source as soon as Rey crossed the threshold into the dark. 

And then her feet found the stairs and then the descent began. 

The path was narrow but well marked. As she made her way further in, dark green torches lit in sconces on the wall, bathing the path in the same eerie green light. Against her better judgment, Rey followed them as they led her further down.

The air was stale, yet moist as if the acid rains for the past hundred years had seeped through the permacrete down into the bowels of the monolith. It was strange, a place hidden from so many eyes -- a door left alone down a single hall -- was still so meticulously kept. Even though the air was moist the ground was clean and free of dirt and decay. Eventually, the stairs ended in a large circular room with a single door open to the outside and the same pull that drew Rey to the first place drew her to looked beyond.

Rey peeked around the corner. Out in the dark, she thought she felt a restless spirit - a twinge in the Force of a being left undisturbed for far too long. She glanced back up the stairs and could just barely make out the smallest trace of light from where she first walked in. Ahead, the green light illuminated rows of tall marble shelves. Taking a deep breath she stood and took a step forward.

“Well,” she said quietly to herself. “This is probably the dumbest thing I’ve done.”

Whatever she felt in the Force didn’t answer. That was both comforting and resolutely terrifying. Every step she took reminded Rey that she didn’t belong here. There were voices she could hear just on the edge of the periphery of her senses; laughter and hushed voices and loud voices and yelling, and then blaster bolts and screams and the roar of a single lightsaber. 

Rey shut them all out and kept walking forward, eyes fixed on where the lights led. But as she walked, it was impossible to not glance down the rows of marble shelves and it finally dawned on her what this place was: a library, buried beneath the heart of the palace. 

Shattered datacards and flimsiplast notes littered the floor. Defunct datapads were tossed in the back and shattered glass crumpled under her feet. Hesitating, Rey bent down and picked one up. The old tech hummed to life in her hands, responding to her simple curiosity in the Force. It was ancient but still recognizable:

_ The Theory of the Whills as write down by Qui-Gon Jinn, Jedi Master _ . 

Rey frowned as she started to scroll through the document. They were musings of this Jedi Master as he pondered mysteries in the Force Rey didn’t quite understand, mentioning planets and places she’d never heard of. Jedha, Ilum. She pressed a button and another document rolled up. 

_ Musings on the Life of Revan in adjunct to the History of the Mandalorian Wars and the Jedi/Sith Schism as updated by Jocasta Nu.  _

Rey swallowed and with shaking hands, she powered down the datapad and slipped it into her pocket. She wasn’t sure why, but she didn’t want to let this go back to the shattered dark it had so long laid in wait. This was once the Imperial Palace, long before it was the Palace of the Endless Sun, but why would the Imperial Palace have held Force artifacts? There were some legends that spoke of Emperor Palpatine holding a resolute fascination for things of the Force, only for them to be destroyed in his name. Much of the galaxy was told of the betrayal of the Jedi -- how they stormed the walls of the Senate seat to try and kill the then Chancellor in a crazed Force fit -- it was only by the skill of his guards that he managed to escape alive. It was a well-coordinated coup on the Jedi’s effort and the Emperor then used his edicts to punish them severely. The populous was for it, they praised his work, but then the Jedi died until a boy rose from a desert planet to save them all.

Luke would have told her the truth, Rey was certain, if she had stayed. Instead, all he had time to tell her was that in their hubris, the Jedi were blind to the rise of a man -- Darth Sidious, who tore it all down. 

But what was true?

Her skin prickled as she spun around, the Force suddenly a tangible thing encroaching on her space.

But the presence in the Force led her here, to a small room stacked as high as she could see with small shelves housing geometric shapes of all sizes. They were metal with intricate latticework and all hummed with a presence in the Force, building up to the whisper that lured her down here. And though they all called out in the Force, it was mingled with a nothing void that drowned them all and threatened to pull her down, down--

Rey could feel Luke’s lessons coming back to her as she remembered what he said about the island. It rang true here, as powerful and succinct as it could possibly be. If this was the Jedi Temple like the legends said… 

_ Powerful light _ , Luke had said of the island, of the places the Jedi formed their temples.

Rey spun around. There were hundreds of them, geometric metal shapes resting on various perches and shelves. They weren’t tools, almost more like elaborate data cages, decorated and carved with intricacies. Behind her, the doors to the room had crumbled to the ground, but Rey could just make out the heavy doors that would have kept them locked away once upon a time. 

And then there were the ones chained to the ground -- sharp, wicked-looking pyramids with gold detailing that poured out the void. And they were the ones that called the loudest.

_ Powerful darkness _ .

“What is this?” she asked but her words echoed into nothingness around her.

_ Look into me and you will see _ .

Rey glanced sharply to the pyramid closest to her. It was unmistakable that the voice came from such a small thing. It was slightly larger than the palm of her hand and it’s outer design was a mix of a gold and black, slanted Aurebesh reading in a dialect she couldn’t quite make out. Taking a deep breath, she picked it up and the center glowed red and her world went blank with the exception of a single voice.

_ I will show you all. And you will see _ .

~

“Supreme Leader?”

Kylo Ren closed his eyes for the twentieth time that night and counted down and then slowly turned. “What?”

The man didn’t either care or seem to worry at the clipped edge in his voice. From the corner of his eye, Kylo caught Hux’s rigid spine as he watched the man ignore all of Kylo’s rather obvious tells and took a step forward. Kylo kept his face placid as the man leaned in.

“Governor Milre Horin of the Corporate Sector,” he said as if such a title would have some sort of effect. Two days ago, it would have, when Kylo was still contemplating the effects of his title and the weight of worlds on his shoulder and what it meant to be burdened with the title of sovereign. 

Kylo sipped his drink. Supreme Leader or Sovereign, he decided that while he needed such men on his side, he didn’t need to be beholden to them.

“I merely wish to congratulate your achievements and have the honor of bestowing you wishes today. May your reign be prosperous.”

Kylo lazily looked over his shoulder to Hux whose face was pinched and white. “You forgot long, Governor.”

“My apologies, Supreme Leader,” Governor Horin said smoothly. “It is rare to have someone in your seat at so young an age. It is not an honorific we are used to giving.”

This palace was a den of snakes and Kylo was at the heart of their nest. He’d be the viper to snuff them all out if that’s what they required of him. He’d play their games and rule them all. Vader never got this far, but Vader yearned for such a reach. And inwardly Kylo smiled to himself and told himself that it was alright. This is what he was made to do. Sons of Queens and Jedi Kings. He was built in his blood to rule. 

“I see,” Kylo replied curtly. “Times change. As do expectations. I hope you find the celebrations enjoyable.”

That was the one thing Hux had hammered into his head: no matter that this was his coronation and that this was all in his honor, everything was for their benefit. The golden chalices and the sparkling fountains were for the enjoyment of the guests. It was all the finest spiced meats the galaxy could afford, plated with Nubian fruit arrangements and the finest aquatic specimens from Mon Cala. Even the hall that they were in was dressed to opulence: gas-powered flames lit the sconces and above them were heavy crystal chandeliers to bathe the revelers in soft shifting light.

“Now, excuse me.” Kylo didn’t wait for the Governor’s response before he walked away, his heavy cloak fanning out behind him. They left him in his ceremonial cloth for this post-coronation celebration and it made him stick out more than usual.

If he wasn’t already the tallest person in the room, he was the only one saddled with a cloak and black circlet on his brow. It did give him a wide berth if people weren’t sure how to approach him, which was thankfully often. Though it was still odd, to walk around so many with his face bare. Every now and then he’d find himself reaching up to touch his cheek, as if to remind himself that he was seeing the world through his own eyes and not the filtered visor of his helm. In a sense, he missed it -- missed the privacy, anonymity. If he thought too long, he’d be reminded that it was his face, his true face that saw the coronation, that will see his face as ruler of the galaxy and if he thought too long on that, it would be too much. 

“So where is she?”

Kylo didn’t answer, taking another sip of the wine. More specifically, he didn’t want to answer. Rey had made many of her choices quite clear over their time here on Coruscant but the way she looked at him mere hours before at his ceremony was more than enough for him. She sliced him where it hurt and she knew it and then she blocked him away.

After his crowning, he had gone to the podium, said the script Hux had asked of him and then made his way here. She was supposed to be here, that was the plan. That was how the day was supposed to go; he would find Rey and explain everything and then she would yell at him or possibly just stare at him disappointed like she always did after that moment in the throne room on the  _ Supremacy _ .

Instead, Kylo found himself wandering the banquet hall aimlessly, looking for a girl who wasn’t there. She teased him through the bond, pulling him incessantly, denying his replies before cutting him off completely. His fingers clenched around the glass in his hand. If she wanted to be left alone again, fine. Two could play that game.

“Don’t play fool with me, Ren, where is the girl?”

Kylo growled and turned to face the general who, irritatingly, somehow managed to keep his entire ensemble impeccably pressed throughout the day. 

“I am not her keeper,” he said briskly, even though that was a lie. He’d made himself solely responsible when Hux made the entire upper echelon of the First Order aware of her appearance. Perhaps a part of him was hoping Hux had forgotten that detail, even though it was unlikely. “She went back to the room to change. Your people decided to give her five outfits for a five hour period so she’s probably dealing with your orderlies.”

“My people-- Is that what she told you?”

“Why do you care?”

Hux grabbed his sleeve and pulled him close and Kylo nearly tossed him across the room there and then if it wasn’t for the words Hux hissed into his ear. “Because she ditched her guard and they haven’t been able to locate her since the ceremony.”

Kylo swallowed as Hux stepped away. “Why are you telling me this and not rounding her up yourself like last time.”

“Because you’d kill me if I told anyone else and I happen to want to live a bit longer.” Kylo snarled as Hux smiled. “I can smooth things over here for some time, if that’s what you want, Supreme Leader.”

Kylo mulled that over for a moment before lifting his hand. “Keep them happy. But say nothing of me, is that clear?”

“Of course, Supreme Leader.”

Kylo inhaled between clenched teeth as Hux spun around and surveyed the crowd. Rey didn’t want to be found. She’d come back when she was ready - she was capable, and they had their deal, after all. He could even send out his own personal guard to find her while he stayed and made sure that Hux obeyed him completely. 

But that was when the prick of pain began in the back of his head.

~

“What are you?” Rey didn’t know where she was. Her vision was black and her body floated in space. 

_ I have been called Knowledge and Power and Desire, concentrated to its essence and locked in my holocron. _

Holocron. Rey held onto the word with both hands as the presence walked around her in the darkness. She could make out a blackened mane and clawed feet and shining eyes that echoed through the stars.

_ You have come to me, you of little faith, and you have come to seek what you do not wish to find _ .

“And what is that?”

_ Do you not wish to see how this will end? _ The red heart of the pyramid shifted and Rey’s mind opened wide as the thing projected its contents.  _ There is power, so much power I can share --  _

“And how will this end?” she asked, unable to keep the question from her lips.

The holocron show it all. Luke shot several times in the back with blaster bolts, his eyes open as he fell limp into the earth. Finn brandishing a lightsaber, Resistance pilots shot down as they take off against a storm of TIEs. The sands of Jakku burning into glass, the Endless Sun of the First Order rising above countless worlds.  

Ben Solo crumpled onto the ground; Kylo Ren hanging limply from limbs suspended in a rack.

Tears fell down her cheeks in the void as Rey cried out. She felt the burn of a blue-white lightsaber blade hot across her chest as a young man walked through these very halls and struck them all down.

_ It has happened before _ , the holocron said.

She saw the eyes of the man, scarred in the same place as Kylo, with golden hair and that same jaw, but wearing robes she didn’t recognize. “ _ Anakin, no _ !”

The holocron constricted with glee as she broke again, falling down the void.  _ It will happen again _ .

And then she saw him, Kylo Ren striding down the halls of a Resistance cruiser, saber out and lit, slicing down soldiers where they stood. The same man then again slung between posts, limp, bloodied and bruised, hair falling into glazed over eyes.

"How do I save him?"

_ How do you save a man lost in darkness?  _ The holocron responded with a creaking laugh.  _ To escape the dark, you must know the dark, know it’s limits. You must know how it runs, how deep it goes. Shadows are endless and all seeking. There are voids in the dark that not even the darkest light can reach _ .

Rey grit her teeth and snarled through her tears. “How do I save them? How do I save him?”

_ The future is not set. What future do you desire? _

And then Rey saw them, the two of them on a rocky cliff, looking out over a rolling sea of sand. Above them, twin suns set in a kaleidoscope of colors. He was at her side -- Ben Solo -- and he held her hand and she leaned into him and his fingers were in his hair. And then it switched to layers of dark lit by lanterns, the two of them locked together in a tangle of limbs and passion, the heated moans raking over her ears as his lips move down her jaw, her neck, her chest, her breasts and then --

It cut away as quickly as it came, leaving Rey flushed and with red eyes and a swollen heart.

_ There is all that the Jedi deny -- happiness, longing, desire, passion -- they bind you as a slave to monotony. They saw these emotions as baser, lesser things and to rise above them the only true way to peace _ .

Rey remembered Luke on the island, locking himself away from all emotion. Was that what was destined for her? Is that who she must become?

_ To save him, you must kill him _ .

“No.”

_ To get what you want, one of you must die _ . 

“No!” Rey tried to pull away, to remember where she was, but when she searched around for her hand that held the holocron, all she could find was empty space.

_ You asked me of my knowledge, you asked me about the future and I give you what you seek. And yet you do not want my answer. _

“You’re lying.”

_ And why would I lie, Jedi child? Do as I say. Kill him and all that you love will be spared _ . 

She saw the Resistance then, showering in celebration. Finn cheering as Leia stood at a victory podium, broadcast across the galaxy. Above them X-wings took off in flight, celebrating the fall of a regime, allowing peace to rise. Rey saw Jakku blooming in flowers after the millennial rains.

_ Kill him and this future you love will be ensured. _

“And if I don’t?” she asked timidly.

Cries of pain echoed in her mind. Rey screamed as Leia fell to the ground, a single blaster bolt between the eyes; Finn fighting off stormtroopers, one arm cradled against his chest nothing but a stump. Rey herself was unrecognizable, a fury in white, arms scarred with blaster bolts and saber burns as she led the Resistance to one last charge. At the top of the hill, she saw him, older and scarred and boiling with rage: Kylo Ren, Supreme Leader, standing victorious and tall as he kissed her before she rammed a blade in his heart. 

The vision went blank and Rey’s eyes fell into darkness and the holocron crooned.  _ Kill him, Jedi child. It is your destiny.  _

~

Kylo knew of the door.

He’d found it enough times in his own explorations of the palace, on those first days that he walked the halls alone. He’d felt the pull that wanted to drag him down, down and there were few places in the palace where the nexus of the Force drew in so tightly. When the bond opened between them a few days prior, she’d been standing there with her guard, staring at it, the curiosity bleeding into his mind until he wasn’t sure if it originated from him or her. 

Kylo knew of the door and it was the first place he looked for her and to no surprise, he found it ajar and without hesitation, he walked through. He left his guard at the top of the stairs, commanding no one to follow. The red guards saluted before obeying. Kylo inhaled and began.

The air was cool on his forehead as he walked down, following the path of illuminated green light to the vault below. On the upper levels his coronation attire was growing stifling, but down here it was a balm against the cold wind that came from nowhere and the moist cold that rose from the depths. 

He hissed as a sharp pain came suddenly in his head, again and again until he was almost bent over. 

“Rey?”

He broke out into a run. Beads of cold sweat ran down his temple, his breathing becoming ragged as the path opened up into the endless rows of marble shelves. But he still felt the pain from the part of his mind that bridged to hers and as he followed it, he saw flashes of light and red haze and desperation as countless things swirled between them. Emotions tasted bitter on his tongue as he bit out her name once again and it echoed dully in the empty library.

“Rey!”

And then the bond fell silent. Slowly, Kylo turned the corner and he saw her. She was laying in the center of a room filled with holocrons of various make. Some were distinctly Jedi and others were distinctly  _ not,  _ but it didn’t take long for him to see the holocron she held desperately in one hand. Her eyes were shut and at first glance, she seemed at peace, with the exception of her brows furrowing and her lips quivering. 

A voice rushed out from the room to him as he took a step closer to Rey. It was odd and unfamiliar, but not distant. Curious.

_ Do you not wish to see what she saw? To see what brought her down her to this place? _

“Let her go.” It was not a question. 

_ Oh, you son of darkness, heir apparent, child.  _ The words lingered from the holocron tightly gripped in her hand. Its center glowed a hungry blood red. Kylo paced around it once.  _ Do you not wish to see? _

“Another time,” Kylo said, a promise to it and himself and the seething under his skin. It was enough to satisfy. He knelt down next to Rey as the holocron fell away from slightly limp fingers. His own hands shook as he wiped the hair from her eyes and gently maneuvered her face. Her breath came light against his touch.

“Rey?” he asked, reaching out in their bond. She was there and she was whole, but the spark that was usually her presence in his mind flickered here and there. “Rey?”

She moaned softly as he repositioned her, all his surety and certainty fading as he stood suddenly eyeing the room of holocrons. “Ben…” 

_ We know who you are and what you wish to see _ . 

His saber was in his hand in moments, her soft admission of his name shattering any reserve of control he had left.  “Leave her out of it, or I’ll destroy you all.”

The green light of the library never changed but Kylo felt a rumble in the Force as if the holocrons weighed the truth of his statement.

_ Then you will lose your chance to see, child, son of darkness. Wouldn’t you like to see real power in the void? _

He took a stammering breath, his shoulders shaking, his cloak trembling as he resolved to stand still. It would be nothing to reach out to these holocrons and rip the knowledge from them before destroying them all. They were leeches of power, left over from the Jedi and the conquests of millennia past. He was the Supreme Leader of the galaxy at his fingertips. He was bound to nothing.

Clenching his jaw, he turned back to her, to Rey as she lay there on the floor. He picked her up in one fluid motion like he did in the woods of Takodana when he first saw her so long ago. She was warm and it seeped into him through his tunic. Her fingers threaded themselves through his cloak and he held her preciously as she curled in against his chest. 

She slept the entire time as he carried her back up the stairs to the palace. The sconces went out as he walked past, leaving the way back in darkness. He carried her up the stairs with ease at first, but as he neared the top, he called upon the Force to supplement his exertion. 

“Do not let anyone through this door, except myself,” he said to his guard when he returned. Two nodded and shouldered their pikes and remained, while the rest went into formation around him as he carried the girl.

He made it about halfway across the palace before Hux walked up to him, eyebrows raising in delight as he saw Rey. 

“Oh good, you found her. Drop her off with the troopers, there are several people still who would like--” Anything Hux was going to say lost as he flung across the hall into the wall with a thud. None of Kylo’s guards stopped to lift a hand.

It was as if his mind was consumed with a single thought --  _ Rey, Rey _ \-- until he reached the doors to his room. There was a party with the heads of state of countless worlds waiting for him. He looked down at Rey, still in his arms, still asleep after whatever she saw in the holocron. The bond was still alive but no stronger than when he found her in the Temple’s library. 

Steeling himself he made his choice. With her still in his arms, he walked inside. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- [holocrons](http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Holocrons)  
> \- [sith holocrons](http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Sith_holocron/Legends)  
> \- [ my inspiration for the library ](http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Jedi_Temple_Library)


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this fic broke 1500 kudos oh my gosh!! thank you all so much!! <3 <3 i couldn't be more in awe of your support for this little story. thank you so much for reading and sticking around <3 <3
> 
> this chapter is a bit indulgent, but it's my thank you to you all. the next chapter probably won't get posted until the second half of may, since I need to work on my piece for the reylo fanfiction anthology, but i had to leave you all with something perfect ;)
> 
> as always, please comment and kudos and you can find me on 

* * *

 

 

Rey opened her eyes. The room was brighter than she expected. The walls were a dark grey and from this distance, she couldn’t tell if it was stone or paint, but even though they were calming and cool, it was alive. There was none of the sterility of the Star Destroyers. The soft swirl of the polished wood grain trailed across the dark hardwoods of the room.

It was set up eerily similar to her own: A desk was in the corner, a door leading off to a closet and fresher. And as Rey repositioned herself she realized she was lying on the bed. But it wasn’t her own. A heavy blanket was over her but the bedding beneath her was undisturbed. Her tunic was rumpled, her heavy overcoat tangled beneath her from the twists and turns in her sleep.

Her arms were sore where the metal bracers still cut into her skin. She was still in her coronation garb and as that realization dawned, Rey looked around. She wasn’t down in the library for that long, at least she didn’t think it was that long. And she had only gone down after the coronation, so it wouldn’t have been that long for her to have been missed. 

But then the voice and the red light and the holocron that whispered in her mind and what if she was still down there, and this was just another vision to torment her?

She blinked as a voice registered, familiar but run through a voice codifier so it was clearer and crisper than she’d ever heard it. A holo played on the desk and Rey watched as the newly crowned Kylo Ren, Supreme Leader of the First Order and Emperor of the Endless Sun addressed a far-reaching crowd.

“ _ -the might of the First Order will remain strong. What you have seen today is a pledge of what we can offer the galaxy. Our sun will not set and our promise for lasting peace is true. The Republic could not give you what you seek. But our _ \--”

The recording clipped off, and Rey started as she registered the prescience brushing against her mind.

“You’re awake.” 

Rey looked back to where the holo was and then glanced back to him. Kylo didn’t move from where he sat in a chair off to the side. His circlet was in his hands, his hair mussed and his thumbs rubbing against the black metal band. His cloak was draped around him, the simple chair suddenly more like a throne than Rey had ever suspected. “I don’t know if I’ve ever heard you talk so much.” 

“Is that an insult?” he asked, his voice dangerously tight. His posture was lax, his legs spread, his body practically sprawling, but his eyes were tense and dark, watching her with an intensity she only remembers from half-remembered dreams.

Rey glanced back at him and simply said, “Only a comment.”

He said nothing to that and Rey’s mind drifted back to the bond that first opened between them when she was on the coasts of Ach-To and he looked into her eyes when she called him a monster. It was that same look he gave her now when he agreed back then. 

The monster was here and she was in its den. 

“When did you say that? I didn’t hear that at the ceremony.”

“After you left,” he said bitingly.

He didn’t need to specify. As soon as his vows were given she’d run and at the time, she didn’t have any qualms about breaching whatever protocols the First Order decided to implement. As Rey sat up and the blanket pooled around her shoulders.

“Did you write it?”

“What do you think?”

Rey ground her teeth and clenched her jaw as he so easily deflected. The bond between them couldn’t quite manage to block them completely, but when she reached out Rey found herself up against his shields so effectively built it was like punching a durasteel wall with her fist. And just as cold.

“How did I get here?”

“What do you remember?”

Rey did her best to not snarl as his snark crept under her skin. “Kriffing hell, Kylo, are you not going to give me a straight answer to anything?”

“I don’t know, are you going to act like a child and go try to kill yourself again?”

“I didn’t-- What are you talking about??” If she was in any better place she would have stood and stretched her fists, but where she was, Rey just stilled as she shot her words across the room. “What is going on? Did that crown suddenly become too heavy in the few hours you’ve held it?”

“It’s been two days.”

Rey blinked and her world went still. “What?”

“I found you two days ago,” he said quietly, his entire self suddenly a statue. His hand gripped around his circlet, knuckles white against the pressure. 

“Found me?” Rey managed, her voice suddenly weak. “No, I just-- I went down to look and--”

The bond roared open between them as Kylo’s shields fell and Rey saw herself sprawled on the floor of a derelict library, hundreds of glowing holocrons casting light around her and in her hand was a single pyramid with a blood-red heart. 

“What happened?” she asked

“I was hoping you’d tell me.”

“No, how was I out for two days, why didn’t anyone try--”

“I…” he interrupted and it was then that Rey noticed the red flush on his cheeks as his lips twitched and carefully picked his words. “You were alright and my skills of healing in the Force are not… finely tuned. Not to mention I was afraid it would it would do more harm than good. The droids said you were physically fine, that it was… something else that kept you in this state.” His brow furrowed as he looked back to her. “What did you see?”

“I was just looking,” she tried.

“Rey.” It was one thing to hear to hear her name on his lips and another for him to say it like that. 

“What, Kylo?” Rey looked him in the eyes when she said his name and got some small satisfaction as his reaction was the same as hers.

“What did it show you?” he asked at last and it was the softness in his voice then that alarmed her most of all. It was his eyes on Starkiller and his  _ please _ on the  _ Supremacy _ and the quiet honesty of  _ you’re not alone  _ from a hut on an ocean world.

“How did you know it showed me something…” She curled in on herself, sudden flashbacks to Starkiller where he’d seen in her mind. They had never brought it up, but it was an unspoken agreement that he wouldn’t try such things on her again.

“I-- No, I didn’t do--” Kylo stood up suddenly, running a hand through his hair before his stoic mask came back down. “I didn’t look in your mind. I promise. You would have woken up if I did.”

The bond flooded with honesty and earnestness and a cursory brush against him showed no lie. “It offered it to me, it said it showed you something.”

“It did…” she said. 

And then the room around her faded as the vision came back: Leia shot with a blaster shot between her eyes, Luke with his chest riddled with burn marks, his eyes glazed as he stared blankly to the sky; the Resistance hunted across worlds as the First Order flew across the skies; and Rey’s breath hitched as the man in front of her was strung up in a rack, his head bowed as blood dripped from his lips and limp hair covered his face, his back strung open and bleeding.

And then there was the two of them tangled together, his lips against hers, her body flush against his, and those hands roaming, holding her close as her lips sought and found, and his teeth nipped and her own moans echoed in her ears.

Rey swallowed the flush it elicited but was helpless to the warmth that pooled in her belly, lingering lower on her thighs. “Something you don’t want to know.”

“Rey…”

She closed her eyes at the sound of her name. “It showed me the future. It showed me all the possibilities. It showed me you, it showed the Resistance and --”

He was at standing the edge of the bed now, watching her as if she held a life line he wasn’t sure he wanted to grab hold of. Rey wasn’t sure she wanted to toss it to him.

“And…” he prompted.

“And I don’t want to talk about it.”

He exhaled sharply and ran a hand through his hair. “Do you have any idea of what you were doing? You were meddling with things you don’t understand.”

“And you do?”

_ You need a teacher _ roared in the empty space between them. The same hunger that reverberated in the Force as he offered  _ I can show you the ways of the Force _ passed between them. Rey couldn’t deny it.

“Would you have been able to resist it?”

“I would have been able to overpower it,” he said.

“Oh?” Rey raised an eyebrow. “Are you so sure, Supreme Leader?”

His jaw tightened and now it was his turn to break her gaze. His fists clenched at his side.  _ A sith holocron can kill you _ , he said through the bond and once again Rey was flooded with a memory of a one of his Knight’s torn to shreds by a holocron they stumbled upon. She felt the nauseous flip of his stomach as he picked it up and bent it to his will and the holocron cried with delight as he took the knowledge from it. 

The memory faded and both of them looked at each other, faces pinched, pale and stretched to limits.

Silence strung between them as they sized each other up. So far they’d come and so little. It was no different from finding him on Ach-To, except he was here and she was in his bed and she was tired and her future was death.

_ You must kill him _ , the holocron had said. Rey shoved the memory away.

“Come here,” she said and patted the side of the bed. It was a moment before he moved and the bed shifted as his weight came on it. He sat stiffly, hands in his lap. 

“Why do we do this?” she asked after a moment. 

“I don’t know,” he said, his voice thick. 

“Where do we even stand?” Her hands fumbled over each other and Rey shifted closer to his side, where his heat leaked through the blankets and layers of clothes to her skin. “What is this?”

“A deal,” he said weakly.

“To what end?” she pressed. “I didn’t ask for your loyalty or reverence or your promises, but I don’t understand why you keep offering it to me.” Kylo was silent. “Why did you do that?” 

“Do what?” he said, not much more than a whisper.

“At your-- the coronation,” Rey said briskly. “With the vows. Why me?”

Even now, two days later, Rey couldn’t shake the memory of his eyes as he knelt and looked to her. As he met her gaze with each and every vow, promised to her and her alone, the rest of the First Order be damned.

“You were the only one they mattered to,” he said at last.

“And they don’t matter to you?” 

The look he gave her as he stood was her answer, flushed with unspoken words and sentiments unable to otherwise shared: it was the look of an Emperor who took the mantle because he had nowhere else to turn. But he took it for her. And that crushing weight was one thing she couldn’t bear.

“I can’t be that for you,” she said quietly. She wouldn’t be the star the Supreme Leader looked to. She wouldn’t be reduced to that, she wouldn’t hold the vows of an organization that hunted her friends and killed those she loved. She wouldn’t be his weakness.

“I know,” he said ruefully and his lips twitched in a shadow of a smile. “If you want a ship, all you need is to ask.”

“I haven’t left yet,” she said again.

“I know,” he repeated and it was that  _ yet _ that held her in place. It was the eventuality they knew would come. It couldn’t last. Wouldn’t last. Be better to remember it. She wouldn’t leave  _ yet _ , but it was coming, coming. And was it so bad to want to embrace that truth before it became a reality?

Kylo stood and made to leave but Rey asked her last question. “Can I stay here?”

The massive back of Kylo Ren still as her request registered. “In my room?”

She wouldn’t leave yet, and she was already here and she had stayed for two days. Surely, what was one night more?

“Just for tonight,” she clarified quickly. “I don’t… I don’t quite trust my mind after the holocron.”

Kylo swallowed and nodded.

“Thank you,” she said. 

“I’ll be back later,” he said and the door closed behind him quietly. 

~

He slept on the ground. 

It wasn’t the first time. Back when he was with his Knights, they’d sleep on hard earth in brief stints as they hunted their prey. Rey was asleep when he came back to his room; she didn’t wake as he went to the fresher and washed away the sweat and grime he built up in the training rooms. Several training droids were left shattered in his wake, but it hadn’t done much to calm his mind, though it left his limbs aching. It took some time to arrange the blankets into some form of a pallet, but he made it work and it wasn’t long before he fell asleep. 

He’d watch her sleep for almost two days, counting the minutes until she woke. Every time he glanced her way, her mind shouted out the hunger of the holocron as it worked its way through her psyche and her own resilience pulled her through. 

He dreamed that he glanced away for just a moment and when he came back, she was the very holocron he’d found her with. She was metal twisted into old sith letters that purred at his touch and her mind screamed and her words were pikes that stabbed his mind.

_ You know what I saw and yet you did nothing to save me. If you didn’t keep me here, I wouldn’t have died. If You didn’t keep me in a cage I wouldn’t have been forced to create one of my own _ .

Kylo tried to drop it, but the metal bled into his skin, the flesh of his hand melting away. He screamed as Rey’s voice crooned in his voice.

_ You could have had me, all of me, all of my eternity, but you would rather I die. You your world and yet you are blind to all your surroundings. You are weak. You are not enough. You will fail.  _

Kylo closed his eyes and ignored the voice in his head as he drew his saber, its crackling blade joining the roar of the holocron. 

Rey’s voice smiled.  _ Ben Solo wouldn’t have done this to me _ . 

And Kylo stabbed his saber through her blood red heart.

He woke in a cold sweat and gasped, but was suddenly very aware of a warm back pressed firmly into his. Kylo stilled and slowly glanced over his shoulder to find Rey curled at his side, eyes closed, still asleep. He’d seen her like this before: from Takodana to Starkiller she’d been asleep and he’d kept careful watch, but there was an unexpected guilt that filled him even now as he compared it to her now. She was here of her own volition, though she stayed because of the price he held over her head and looking at the gentleness of her of her as she slept highlighted just how far he’d fallen and how far she remained outside his reach.

Even now, looking at her, he couldn’t deny she was beautiful. He had seen it in moments before: in a snow flecked forest where she stood over him, lightsaber in hand; in a hut on Ach-To as she recounted her journey to the cave and she reached out to him and he had felt  _ wanted _ ; in a burning throne room as she fought at his side with a feeling of completeness he hadn’t even dared to dream of having.

But now she was just Rey. She was asleep and he felt himself stir as he took in her loose hair, falling out if its usual buns. It coiled under her head, drifting against his hand. Her eyes were soft and at ease, her lips partly open as she slept, completely at peace. She was beautiful and she was not afraid and he silently cursed his body as a heat he hadn’t felt in some time stirred in his stomach.

Kylo had never been good: his life was enough to convince him of that. The word good was an achievement he would never reach. Rey was good; Rey was all that he saw and wanted in the world and she was good, and so far from what he would ever be able to hold. Kylo was mired in everything but.

He pulled the blankets that fell from her shoulder back over her. Unable to help himself, his knuckles brushed against her. She leaned into his touch and a lingering thought came through the bond as she turned over and her forehead pressed against his: _It_ _ was too soft _ .


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey lay there for a moment. His eyes were closed in sleep, his jaw slack and his mouth open just so as his breath came even and steady. A blanket was pulled up over his shoulders, but even from here Rey could make out the planes of his figure as he slept; the shift of his muscles as he hitched his breath and repositioned with a sigh. She could see the lines of his scar as they cut across his skin. He was peaceful, calm, more beautiful than she had seen him before.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this has been so long in coming. This month has been absolutely crazy and I managed to get this update in before the end of the month. I hope you all enjoy it <3 <3
> 
> This is unbeta'd so please excuse grammar problems and general nonsense. 
> 
> As always, come find me on [ tumblr ](https://aionimica.tumblr.com) and please leave comments and kudos if you enjoyed it!

He was the first thing Rey saw when she woke. 

It took her a moment for everything to catch up: the night before, waking up in his bed, in his rooms after her encounter with the holocron. Her visions,  _ him,  _ the future she saw for them, for him and then to wake to find him waiting on her. Coming for her. Lecturing her when she woke. Rey swallowed. And she had gone back to sleep, stayed in his room one more night, just to keep the nightmares and compulsions at bay. But apparently old habits die harder than she was expecting, only to find herself vacating a bed for a floor with some blankets. And a Supreme Leader.

Rey lay there for a moment. His eyes were closed in sleep, his jaw slack and his mouth open just so as his breath came even and steady. A blanket was pulled up over his shoulders, but even from here Rey could make out the planes of his figure as he slept; the shift of his muscles as he hitched his breath and repositioned with a sigh. She could see the lines of his scar as they cut across his skin. He was peaceful, calm, more beautiful than she had seen him before. 

Every part of her stilled as the thought registered in her mind. Rey closed her eyes and turned on her back. No. Not beautiful. Not… She wouldn’t fall that way again. She wouldn’t think of him like that; she couldn’t --  _ shouldn’t _ . No matter how true it might be, whispered that one part of her brain and Rey’s cheeks burned bright red in the dark. Heat flooded her body and warmth gathered between her legs.  _ Traitors _ .

She denied him in the throne room for a reason. She was here at his side for another. She couldn’t forget that. She wouldn’t forget it. Not when the loss of the Resistance hung on her agreement. It didn’t matter how gentle he had been, or how soft his lips looked, open and inviting. A hand was curled at his jaw. Rey saw the rims of callous around his fingers.  It didn’t matter what she wanted, or what he offered her now. She stayed for the Resistance. She wouldn’t stay for him. 

She sat up, folded her blankets and pulled herself from his side. 

~

“So eager to run away?”

Rey nearly stilled as she heard his voice come up behind her. His real voice. It was two days since she woke in his rooms and found herself on the floor at his side. The Force was content to leave the bond shut between them, and their schedules took them elsewhere. Kylo was swept away to the duties and meetings of the Supreme Leader wrestling a galaxy under his fist and Rey was left as she always was to meander the halls until boredom or sleep took her. Or an even bigger problem, such as this. 

“I didn’t run away,” she said. She turned around and found him standing a few paces behind her. He looked… good. Her breath came shallow and Rey huffed to stave off the blush that threatened to fill her cheeks. Why was she acting like this? Nothing had happened, nor would anything happen between them. That night meant nothing. It meant nothing to him -- if he even knew about it “I went back to my rooms. Where I should have been.”

An inexplicable expression carved across his face. “I see.”

He strode up to her side and Rey caught glimpse of his clothing: a delicately woven tunic that wasn’t as nearly as dark this close. It still was threaded with strands of gold and black, but it was the deepest shade of grey that seemed to shift in the morning light. His cape was tossed back over one shoulder, revealing an embroidered star in black thread on his tunic. Subtle, but a display of his rank and power all the same. 

He looked exactly as he was before and yet not. He was ruler and child, lost and found and exhausted beyond belief. The circles under his eyes were proof of that. For a few weeks, Rey had noticed they’d diminished and he looked younger than she’d ever seen him. That all faded and he looked the haggard warlord she’d known from dreams and forest chases across the galaxy. 

They stood there for a moment in silence while Rey waited for him to at least step out of the way. Instead, Kylo looked past her and spoke to a point directly above her head. “You’ll be pleased to know I’ve doubled your guard.” 

“Pleased?” Rey’s voice doubled in an octave. “Why would I be pleased?”

“Because you nearly died exploring parts of the palace,” he replied crisply, with absolutely no humor in his eyes as if Rey’s question was the most absurd thing in the world. The bond caved slightly and a fear seeped from him to her. “I don’t want to risk it happening again.”

Rey swallowed down any rebuttal and a part of her swelled at the revelation. He was afraid. He was always afraid -- he had been ever since he looked into her mind and she saw the shadow of his legacy. 

“It won’t happen again,” she said firmly, “and that’s not because you provide me with more guard.”

He regarded her for a moment and Rey looked at a vase seated on a pedestal on the other side of the hall. 

“Certainly it would be because of your proclivity to not run into situations without thinking things through,” he said blandly. Rey felt her cheeks heat up at the truth of his words -- Force, why did he have to know her so well? Why did their minds have to meet this? “Tell me,” he said, this time with a slight force and desperation to his tone, “promise me you won’t go back to the ruins.”

“I won’t,” she said looking up to meet his eyes. He peered down at her, just as he did when their minds connected, though this time his cowl was on. Still… Chills ran down her arm, this time not from the winds of Ahch-To. 

His eyes darted across her face and the barest hint of a rueful smile came across his lips.  “You need to become a better liar,” Kylo said softly. 

“As if you’re one to teach me,” she replied flippantly. 

He frowned, his fist clenched at his side. “I would suggest Hux or Daala if you can find her. And if you convince one of them.”

“Maybe I will.” 

Kylo’s eyes widened as she called his bluff. “Don’t,” he said, almost too quickly, the urgency almost severe enough. Almost as if he cared. 

It was Rey’s turn to step closer, to lean into the area he set around himself. Here, she could make out the details on his clothing, see the tension in his hands as they coiled beneath his leather gloves. His lips pressed into a line as she asked, “Are you afraid that I won’t be able to control my loose tongue?

This hallway was the closest thing they had to privacy outside their own rooms. Even then, there was the concern for opportunistic droids and the deft hands of their masters. Their arrangement stood only by the confidence in each other and any whisper of doubt would send the wolves on their heels. But Rey only had to look to Kylo to see the teeth and claws at the ready. It was there in his gait, in his stance -- she made an arrangement with the leader of the pack and now navigated around in a den of wolves. 

Once Kylo had mentioned that Snoke had cameras in his elevators, set at random intervals on his ship. For a moment, Rey had feared they would be found out, that Kaddus or Daala or any number of officers would stumble upon it and see their conspiracy. Kylo said nothing and waved her concern away.

Later, Rey learned it was destroyed along with the remnants of the  _ Supremacy _ , reduced to ions and sent to the farthest corners of the galaxy.

“No,” he said, simply as that. And Rey swallowed as her stomach dropped.

He stepped away. “Don’t be a fool, Rey.”

“I’m not,” she tried as she reached for him, for any sense of understanding of what this conversation was. It hovered on a note she didn’t understand, but craved and like all the ones before it, Rey knew how it would end. 

Kylo didn’t say it, but the flooding of reassurance that ran through their bond spoke it just as clearly.  _ I know _ . 

Rey looked at him, helpless. Their conversations always ended here. Always ended at this place of falling into a deeper pool. It was the edge of the cliff and the two of them toed the edge, but there was always the knowledge that this was not made to last. If they fell into the pool, one would drown, if not them both. Who they were, what they were to each other was something even she was unsure of. The Force brought them together but Rey’s grasp of what was the Force was so rudimentary. Surely there must be more. They must be more. 

And yet… Rey only had to look to Vader, to Luke, to Kylo himself to see what the galaxy did to Force users. What they would do to two was a source of her nightmares and yet… 

“I have to go,” Kylo said abruptly and left her side. Rey watched him go and tried not to think why it felt like a promise. And one she looked forward to being kept.

~

Rey didn’t wait around to find out. She’d never admit it to him, but as soon as she had a moment to herself, she walked to the hall that led to the old temple beneath the monolith. She couldn’t verbalize why, but it was the same reason as on Ahch-To -- voices whispering in tongues and languages unheard to her ears, some sense of truth she didn’t know she wanted -- but instead of a long dark hall, Rey found two red-robed guards with pikes of steel and unwavering commitment to denying her passage. 

“You’ll let me pass, and tell no one,” she said when she walked up. 

One of the red, domed heads turned and looked at her. Nothing but silence. Hopeful, Rey took a step forward but a pike crashed into the ground mere centimeters from her boot. 

Her heart pounded in her chest as she stumbled back, her hand swinging back to her side for her lightsaber or her staff or anything. Nothing. She tried again. 

“You’ll let me pass, and tell no one.”

The other guard turned and aimed their pike at her chest. “Under direct order of Supreme Leader Ren, no one is to pass.”

Of course, he did this. 

Rey opened her mouth to deny it, to say something, to say Kylo had instructed her to go down, to claim knowledge, when the thud of heavily armored footsteps came from behind. Rey’s guard finally caught up. Their flat, red visors looked down on her imperiously until she gave up and walked away. 

~

In the end, it happens went to the room of a thousand pools where the water was as still as the emptiness of space. They were mirrors that splashed instead of shattered when touched. 

Rey wandered through the paths, determined to not think about her guard posted at each of the doors. Some days she wondered if they were protecting her from unwanted First Order attention or protecting the First Order from her. Some days she suspected the former but hoped for the latter. 

She sighed as she passed a rotting bench. It was carved from old heartwood and dressed with moss, almost fully reclaimed by biome in the silent room.  

The sun reflected off a skyscraper in the distance and reflected golden light across the water, illuminating countless pools. Of all the places she guessed she would find herself, this hall of green in a monolith on a metal planet was not what she was expecting. On Ahch-To and even Jakku there had been life everywhere she turned. She didn’t have to search hard for the Force in those places -- it’s essences and signatures were everywhere.  

But here it was as if it was dampened. Compared to what she found in the library below, everything was muted. And Rey wanted to feel it once again. So she found a rock, a good strong sturdy rock and sat on it. She closed her eyes, rolled her eyes once for Luke, and reached out. 

The Force responded.

On Ahch-To it replied with a supernova. It was life and death and rebirth in an endless cycle. It was rolling waves and constant seas as countless creatures soared on the winds. It was the living Force incarnate. But here? 

Rey let it roll over her, a soft, dying heartbeat that pulsed every so often. She could feel it as it ran through her guard, through the courtiers

He wasn’t too far away; Rey could feel him as he stiffened, the Force and all that it was brushing against his consciousness. 

_ What are you--? _

And then the heartbeat came faster and faster, as if being urged to life by a Force-sensitive reaching out in it’s heart once more. It carried her past him, higher up and up and up until she was at the pinnacle of the tallest spire. The setting sun was warm on her face and the Force swelled. 

Just as there was one deep below, this was a nexus. Powerful light and powerful dark swirling in such a perfect endless display as they moved around each other. Rey opened herself and let it flow as it pulled her to and fro, casting light and dark across her skin. 

“Teach me,” she said softly, her voice echoing in the ribbons of strength. 

The Force brought her back and bade her to stretch out her hand. She reached as far as she could, her eyes still on the spire, on that white hot core that burned at the center of her mind and reached for the water, for the endless running water that had fallen still and pulled.

It moved. The water flowed into the next pool and then then next until it was cascading in a waterfall. Fountains emerged as water fell down rock and reawoke what had long since fallen asleep. 

Rey followed the bidding and reached and pulled and moved the water and rock again and again and again until her hands shook and her stance ached and her mind was trembling, but she was alive, oh more alive than she’d ever been before.

A thundering roar split the room. Rey opened her eyes and suddenly stood very, very still. 

“What have you done?”

Kylo stood not very far away. He was breathing heavily, as if he’d just ran a long distance to come here, to come to her and he looked at her with wide eyes and a slack jaw.

She held her hand aloft as he stood there and Rey’s breath slowed. Her skin was electric and as the Force ebbed in her veins, she felt alive. 

His eyes trailed down from roaring fountains to her outstretched hand. 

“Nothing,” she replied. And everything. The signatures of her actions were everywhere, tainted in the very mist of the fountains. It coated them, covered them, until Rey could taste it. “I had to try something,” she said.

It wasn’t a lie. The Force was in her and she was one with it and she wasn’t going to keep it to herself anymore. And if he kept the library from her, she’d learn in this place that came to life with her touch. She left Luke with the errant belief that she’d come back and finish her training. That Luke was her only way to learn. “I can’t just pretend like I don’t want this,” she clarified. “Or that I can’t learn just because I’m here.”

“You still wish to learn the ways of the Force?” His voice was pained, he couldn’t look her in the eye. He could feel it too.

Rey held her head high and squared her shoulders. She followed Luke through pouring rains and climbed mountains to be lectured to. She taught herself to wield a saber and to follow the ways of the Force and awoke a room that fell so terribly silent. Yet there was so much more she didn’t know.

“The ways of the Jedi,” she clarified, with every ounce of her desire, the part of her that yearned for understanding and mastery over this thing she still didn’t quite understand. 

And he had offered that to her once. She never forget how he beseeched her in the snows of Starkiller, their sabers locked and spitting purple rain. She never forgot how he should have been angry, should have dispatched her so easily -- instead, he offered to be her teacher -- to show her the way of the Force.

It was the first time she had ever heard of it and since that moment, the hunger for it never let her go.

Kylo hadn’t moved, his back was still to her and his shoulders had slowly faded from his Supreme Leader facade he put out for the rest of the world. Now, his silhouette was that of Ben -- the boy Rey saw on the  _ Supremacy _ \-- lost and disillusioned and at once ready to take on the world.

“I’ll teach you,” he said at last.

Rey nodded and tried to not think of the falling in her stomach, the race of her heart and the thrill that ran up her spine as he took a hesitant step forward. “I’m not a Jedi,” he continued, his voice hardening as he found his footing and surety. “I never was and never will be. But I can teach you. What say you?”

The fountains roared around them. Mist swirled between them, pulling at the edges of his cape and tousled the edges of his hair. Rey resisted the urge to run her hands through it, to brush it back from his face.

She swallowed down every doubt, every shout -- every memory of the face of Luke Skywalker as he found them in a hut with hands clasped. Luke taught her nothing. She owed him nothing. So why was it a heated shame that pooled in her belly as she replied, “Yes,”


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for being so patient! <3 <3 
> 
> as always, your comments are my life blood. I hope you all enjoy this -- it was a delight to write! 
> 
> you can find me on tumblr @aionimica

* * *

 

 

_ Faster _ .

Rey heard the word, felt the word, was executing it, before Kylo’s lips even moved. It came out as a snarl, mingled with a grunt as he brought the full weight of him down on her. Sweat ran down her limbs and though the room was cool, the heat of his body so close to her own sent her pulse rocketing. 

_ Faster. Harder.  _

“You can do better than this,” he said, just barely heard over their exertions. His brow was furrowed, his breath coming heavy and fast, while Rey gritted her teeth and did her best to keep up. He was so much larger than she had anticipated and this close it was as if he was trying to render her into the shadows of the earth. 

_ Faster.  _

The lightsabers crackled between them and Rey fended off another blow. His own blade sparked furiously in murderous red as Rey clutched the training saber in her hand. It was unbalanced for her grip and the heavy pull of her blade threatened to pull it from her hands with each of her strikes. 

One of his vents brushed across her forearm, searing her skin in a characteristic training burn. Rey inhaled sharply and disengaged. Kylo followed through, every ounce of his weight thrown into the attack.

She parried each time, adjusting for the pain, for his height and her reach in the Force, but it was all she could do to stay out of range of his heaviest blows. Without glancing away, he reached out and pulled a loose scrap of sheet metal across the floor towards Rey’s knees. She rolled out of the way, wrenching the scrap from his grasp and adjusting it to rake across his shoulders when she stumbled, her feet catching on the uneven training ground and she fell.

She held up her blade in time to parry, but it knocked her blade from her hand. Kylo’s momentum continued, his crossguard swinging around to come back and finish the act. 

His blade wouldn’t kill her, he wouldn’t kill her, but she held out a hand in an effort to hold him back and spoke,  _I yield_ , across the bond. His final stroke died in his hands. 

They stood there for a moment, staring at each other as their sides heaved and they painted in time. Kylo pulled away first, walking to the droid waiting in the corner with refreshments. Rey scrambled to her feet, legs trembling as she shook the fatigue from her arms.

She ignored him and glanced around. It was an old construct, as old as the Old Republic that somehow survived through Imperials the and New Republic and now First Order rule. Symbols she didn’t understand twisted on opposite ends and came together in the middle, mingling in harmonic rings that coiled and rose to the ceiling. The sparring ring itself was packed sand outlined with stone. It was a primitive set up, but one that was determined to last.

Not too far was the library and its forbidden hall and Rey could feel it pulling at the corner of her mind. But Kylo had brought her here instead and with the power of a saber in her hand, Rey couldn’t really bring herself to argue against it. It had been long enough since she had felt that in her palm; the focus of the Force living and centered into a blade so brilliant and deadly.

It was a ruby blade, one Kylo happened to have lying around and calibrated for non-lethal use. His own blade was adjusted accordingly, but that didn’t stop its intimidation as he swung it towards her. He held it tight in his fist, his gloves stretching tight against his knuckles.

He wiped a towel across his brow and tossed it in the corner with his shirt. His military grade top was soaked through within minutes and Rey had found herself with an eyeful of his chest more often than not once they reached the sparring grounds. 

Kylo turned and his mouth twisted sardonically as he caught her eyes roving. “Predictable,” he said, but at that, his chest and neck flushed a lovely shade of pink.

Rey swallowed and looked away. “So are you.”

He had nothing to say to that. His hair fell into his face, his bangs lying splayed across his eyes, a few strands sticking to his face, dampened with sweat. Though ever bit of him spoke to power caged and reduced to the shape of a man, he still bent his head and coiled in on himself. The line of his jaw curved against the softness of his cheek, his lips red and moist and parted as he breathed heavily. Broad, well-defined shoulders panned down to a wide chest, flanked by muscled arms that flexed experimentally.

His training pants were tight against his hips, the loose cloth slung low against his thighs. And then there was the scar. Her scar, her mark. The first time she saw it on a rainy night on Ahch-To, she felt a sickening sense of pride. 

Now, Rey felt a shadow of it again; that feeling that she had beaten him once, taken him on the field of battle and won -- and then stilled as it simmered away into something she didn’t dare define.  It made her want to step closer and turn off her blade and trace her mark on him with her fingers bare. 

It was a sentiment she couldn’t afford, but it was stamped on her mind all the same.

As if mirroring her own fears, he shook out his shoulders and walked back to the center of the ring. He pointed his saber at her chest, pressed against her own walls.  _ Again _ .   
  
His blade ignited in a moment and he swung it around experimentally. Rey triggered her own blade and held it ready. 

“You were sloppy last time. You need more precision. Accuracy.” Kylo adjusted his grip on the blade. “We went over the forms last time and yet you still wield that like a broken staff.”

“A broken staff is a perfectly acceptable weapon,” Rey objected and tried to follow his lead.  It took her a moment to remember his rapid run-through of the forms. He called this one the Way of the Krayt Dragon. Promising.

“It’s an offense.”

“To who?”

He shut his mouth and his eyes narrowed. Rey attempted not to smile. 

“Keep me out of your guard,” Kylo growled and with a snarl, he attacked. 

The Way of the Krayt Dragon was brutal, Rey knew that much. Djem So was what it was also called. Aggressive, powerful, engaged with the force and with the saber, it required all of her attention just to stay on her feet. According to Kylo, it wasn’t as balanced in all aspects as Niman, which based on the way his voice softened when he brought it up, was probably his favorite. 

But Djem So was understatedly relentless. And she basked in it. She didn’t have to think -- Rey opened herself up to the force and let it’s guidance flow through her. He advanced and she parried, hasting her steps with the Force to get to his side and out of his range. She struck underhand up his side, only for him to spin and catch her on the upswing, nearly tackling her with his unrestrained blow. 

That was one thing Rey appreciated in their spars: Kylo never held back. He never restrained her or coddled her. He fought with her, tooth and claw to raise her up to a Jedi. 

If she won, it was because she earned it. Not because she had promise. 

Rey lept back, skidding across the sandy floor. Kylo advanced his saber arching over his head with two hands. She parried and moved in close against his guard. One more adjustment and he would be-

He stuck his foot out. Rey danced around it but then he threw out his hand and Rey found her stuck in his grasp. The Force bound her and held her close as he pulled her to within an inch of him. He towered above her, his heat pressing against her. She could smell him if she wanted, if she closed her eyes and inhaled him, and let herself fall… 

“Say it,” he whispered against her ear, his blade crackling close to her cheek.

“I yield,” she whispered. 

He dropped his hand and dropped her and Rey stood on uneasy footing.

“You cheated,” she said as the coils of the Force loosened around her chest. 

“If I can get inside your guard, you’re too slow.” He turned off his saber and clipped it to his utility belt. “And never expect your opponent to not cheat. I fight as fair as my opponent.”

It was Rey’s turn to laugh. “Liar.”

“You’re a scrapper,” he pointed out. “You fight like you have nothing to lose. Don’t tell me you’ve never thrown sand in someone’s eyes.” Rey glanced away. “Don’t hold me to a higher standard than yourself. You know better than that.”

“ _ I _ know I’m better than this,” Rey said through gritted teeth. “The fact you beat me here is merely luck.”

Kylo laughed. Rey paused, dumbfounded.  She’d never heard that sound before. His laugh came caustic and harsh. “There’s no such thing as luck,” he said bitterly. “I’ve been around long enough to realize that. Live a bit longer and you’ll see it’s just an excuse.” 

“Then what is there?” Her hand brushed against his forearm as she pushed past him. Her fingers lingered above his glove where a faint trailing scar snaked down his arm. Plasma burn from a long time ago. He jolted back and Rey didn’t move.

“The Force,” he managed at last. “And the sooner you accept it, the sooner you’ll become what you’re meant to be.”

Rey stared at the training saber in her hand. “What am I meant to be?”

_ To you _ , she wanted to supplement. What she was in the galaxy didn’t matter. She was meant to be Rey, whatever that looked like. She was more than where she started. She had been in space and flown freighters and seen worlds of water and snow. A daughter of Jakku brought to the palaces of the stars. She was enough. Where she belonged in the universe was a question she didn’t need answering. 

But to Kylo? To Ben? Her heart ached to reconcile him with that name again. To connect him to that ideal that she had seen through his eyes; in the shadows of his own mind.

His mouth opened and closed and the shields came down heavy. Rey blinked and watched as he stormed away.

~

The temperature scalded his skin, the hot water becoming a dull steady stream as Kylo stood unmoving in the fresher. His mind was blank, his walls shuttered down as a single though beat with the shower:  _ wash her away, wash her away, wash her away _ .

A weakness, was what Snoke called her. Weakness. His, in particular.

And was he wrong? Was Snoke ever wrong?

_ About so many things _ .

Kylo’s hand clenched at his side. She still was his weakness. Even now, he couldn’t get her out of his mind. He could see her as plain as day standing in the training circle. Her shoulders bare and her hair loose, her mouth parted just so to catch her breath. Her arms were wrapped as was her custom, but her shirt was tight fitted and thin, dampened with sweat, hugging her skin. He could see every thread of muscle, from her shoulders down to her waist. Even her calves were corded and tight, dancing around him as if to a song he couldn’t hear.

And then there were her eyes that didn’t dare look away from him. Kylo would have had to have been blind to not see the way she looked at him, roving over him as if she longed to trace the lines of him with her own hand. The trail of her mind through the Force wasn’t denying it. And he wanted to do the same to her: to take her in hand and hold her close, to run hands through her hair, to feel her against him, even just her hand one more time.

It was all he could do to not have an erection on the sparring ring. It was all he could do to not take himself in hand now. The water was too hot, kriffing hell, why hadn’t he taken a cold shower?

And he agreed to teach her, like a fool. Even if he kept her at bay, only taught her the simplest of abilities, she would still grow. There would be answers she’d seek without him if he couldn’t give them to her. 

Snoke held back his own training to keep him complicit, to keep him on his leash. It worked, for a time. But there would always be power and those who sought to grasp it. No one would take it from him now. 

Kylo lifted his head, felt the water course across his skin. He could feel her touch still -- there above the burn from one of his Knights. His first reaction was to scrub it away -- now he wanted to keep it soiled by her. 

He saw how she fought on the Supremacy. She used skills that she could never have learned on her own, moves  _ he  _ hadn’t learned on his own. And yet Rey had. She picked up the forms like a prodigy -- like himself and now he stared down the path that lead to her and ignoring the way the light had fallen on her shoulders and the way her hand had felt on his skin, he closed his eyes and leaned his forehead against the fresher. 

His fist slammed against the wall, leaving a crater behind. 

~

There were answers hidden from the eyes of the universe, lost to the Force in a place few know existed. 

Kylo walked the halls of the old Jedi Temple library alone. 

With each step down, he told himself that it was worth it. That the knowledge he would gain would be worth the cost. It would give him peace and direction and a mastered holocron under his belt. It would make him strong. It would balance out his weakness. And it would give him what he needed to keep her at his side.

He swallowed. 

Rey. 

Even down here, his thoughts were consumed with her, with the way her mouth turned as she smiled and the way the light caught her hair. The way she moves in training, her body a thing of power, learning its own steps and waiting to be released. 

Green light flooded his vision as the library awoke. With purposed steps, he walked to the shelves of holocrons. 

It was unchanged from his last visit. Holocrons of various shapes were scattered along the floor. Several were chained to their places of rest. The geometrics were carved in intricate designs. Every now and then he could make out a few words in rudimentary Arubesh. Not that it mattered. He only came to find one.

He picked it up off the floor, the one he pried from Rey’s hand. It flared a deep, blood red and a heavy voice whispered in his mind. 

_ Ah. Son of my shadow. You’ve returned. _

~

She knew what he was doing. She knew the moment she turned the halls and watched him walk away without her. Surely that place called to him, just like it called to her. She knew what he wanted to see. It would a be a lie if she wasn’t curious as well. But it spilled across his walls to her mind as she settled in her room, on her bed and thought of him. 

Rey closed her eyes and reached out to that storm not so far below and watched it build to a rolling thunderhead on the horizon. 

~

The Force was not unknown to Kylo Ren. It had been his constant companion since before his birth. He was intimate with it, its shadows and lights familiar on all sides. There was no part of the force he wasn’t familiar with. But the holocron burdened his mind with an insidious melody that he couldn’t resist and it lulled him in, blacking out the outside world.

_ Don’t you know I see all paths? The fate of your rule. The fate of your family. The fate of descendants in millennia to come. All potentials wrapped in a line of possibilities. _

He felt the sting of her blade on his cheek again, he felt the burn of plasma in his heart. Kylo gasped as the holocron projected his death in his mind.

_ You seem shocked.  _ The presence moved around in his mind. Kylo shut his eyes, but it did nothing. All he could see was red.  _ Oh. Hasn’t she told you? So things have changed. _

“Nothing has changed.”

The presence laughed and pulled away.  _ You ask for so much. Let me give you a taste of true knowledge _ .

And then Kylo saw.

He saw burning fields and ashen planets. He saw stars dim and flare. Fleets shattered to atoms in space while millions of lives cried out and were rendered into nothing. Lightsabers illuminated the field of battle while the offenders fell in their wake. There was order and peace and chaos and death.

Across the stars, it cycled. Life being celebrated -- petals thrown into the air, pears growing on the lakesides of Naboo. Toasts and promotions of further generals. The flag of the rebellion torn to shreds and the body of his uncle and mother dead at his feet. Bile rose up in the back of his throat.

_ You can have it all. _

Rey, in his arms, her skin flush against his, her lips parted as he tasted her, her arms around his neck; her fingers in his hair. He felt her against him, wet against his thighs as they turned together on silken sheets. The sunset of a distant world shimmering on her freckled skin. Her lips plump and rounded kissed his skin as she moaned against his ear. Kylo tightened his grip; he wouldn’t forget this, he would have this, he  _ wanted _ this… 

_ To gain, you must lose. Surely you know enough of your bloodline to know what stained these halls. What they did for power. _

And then she was gone, ripped from his grasp and scattered on the floor. Her body broken and scarred, blood running from her side. Kylo’s hands shook as he stood, his saber in hand and her blood across his face.

It flashed and there was another man shrouded in black with golden hair who walked these halls with yellow eyes. A scar that matched his ran down his cheek. A blue blade sliced through Jedi and children while old Republic troopers took care of the rest. And then on a planet of fire, a wailing woman fell to her knees with his hands at her throat. “ _ Anakin… _ ”

_ But you and your power and your name will remain.  _

And then there was him, tall, resolute and alone before the pointed star of the First Order. Millions took a knee before him -- their leader, their master, their  _ emperor _ .

But Rey… 

_ Do you not wish it? _

“No,” he said, straining against the thrall. “And you will listen to me.”

_ Then what do I call you, son of darkness, that wishes to save so many? _

_ Kylo? _

_ Kylo? _

_ Ben _ .

His blade crackled. 

When he looked up, the room was lit in crimson and the holocron’s frame had melted in his hand. 

He breathed in heavily through his nose, a bullish gesture as he struggled to regain control, to hold back that relentless storm that threaded his mind. But the storm kept him alive. The storm was his comfort and chaos his peace.

Someone would kill her. Someone would kill them.

His vision became red as he brought the saber down. He roared, his voice cracking and dying as the heat coiled in his throat and ash flew in the air. He swung wildly, his motions scattered and chaotic as he took them and broke them and ruined whatever essence held them together. They wouldn’t win, they couldn’t win. He would prove them all wrong -- Kylo Ren, Supreme Leader and Master of Knights, would not loose. Would not be weak. He couldn’t be, otherwise, it would all fall on top of him.

And then there she was, his weakness, peering through the smoke and haze. A pressure on his temple, a soothing reaching out that he so desperately wanted to answer. But all he could feel was a searing pain. 

To him, it happened in a moment, and when he looked up it was a mockery of the grandness of the Jedi Temple. Better to be lost to the earth than found and used against him. Used against his weakness. Kylo grit his teeth. He'd finish what his grandfather started -- destroy the order, destroy their memories and tear it down and leave it to the dark that burned at its heart. The library and it’s holocron center and every piece of it crumbled in his fist as he pulled the weight of the palace down. 

When it was nothing but molten metal and flaking ash, he turned and walked back to the crumbling stairs, up to the land of the living. At the doorway, he reached out a shaking hand and clenched his fist and the path caved in on itself.

He turned and saw the officers standing suddenly at attention, wondering what beast was awoken below. Kylo buried it all in that blazing furnace in his chest and snarled the words that tumbled from his soot-covered lip: “Prepare my ship.”

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- [Djem So ](http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Form_V/Legends)  
> \- [Niman](http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Form_VI/Legends)


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so sorry for the delay on this chapter! i've been working with some health issues and general life things and this got put to the side for a little bit, but I'm back!
> 
> I hope you enjoy it! This is technically a Resistance Interlude, but whooo boy a whole lot happens that you're not going to want to miss.

The  _ Ascension  _ slid through hyperspace with the grace of a Loth wolf. 

To an observer, it was nothing immediately out of the ordinary. It bore the standard wedge shape of more traditional Star Destroyers. Its bridge rose from the upper part of the pyramid and it reflected back the light of distant suns, casting it in a white glow.

Not since Darth Vader’s  _ Executor  _ was there a destroyer alone that was worthy of commanding such fleets. The Dreadnaught was impeccable, its belly nearly bursting with scores upon scores of  TIE squadrons; within a moment’s notice it could be ready for a planet-wide ground assault

From its point at any place in the galaxy, it led the First fleets, its silhouette already a herald of the flagship of the Supreme Leader. It was magnificent. It was glorious. 

And it was a rotting hunk of durasteel. 

Kylo Ren stood on his own private bridge. Beneath him, the engines hummed. It should have whispered power and assurance; his fingers coiled, reaching out in an attempt to capture the feeling that he owned the world. 

He closed his eyes as it slipped through his fingers. It ran to him, brushing against his side before darting out of sight. Instead, whenever he looked, he saw failure. The reaching hand of his father.

His lip twitched and he swallowed what another might call regret back down. He had made his choices. He had earned his title. Nothing was for naught, but even Kylo couldn’t ignore the ghosts of himself.

He didn’t turn as the lift opened, depositing General Hux behind him. Kylo’s red guard were still as statues on the periphery, but he could taste their readiness on the fringes of the Force. It was a nice feeling — to know that even though Hux supplied them, they looked out for him alone. Still, he couldn’t exactly order them to remove his general. 

Kylo forced himself to become still as stone. “What do you want?”

“I just came to check on you, Supreme Leader. You’ve been,” Hux paused momentarily as he glanced around. “Well, let’s just call it unreachable the past several days.”

Kylo glared in his direction. Hux met his gaze impeccably. “I’ve missed nothing.”

“Which is what is concerning.”

Kylo turned then, unable to keep the incredulity from his face. “How is that concerning?”

Hux cleared his throat and glanced at the red guard. “Supreme Leader if I may.”

Kylo reached out a hand -- to his saber, or Hux’s throat, even he wasn’t quite sure. Hux cringed and Kylo stilled. He turned back to his viewport. “This is the last time I’ll listen to your advice.”

Hux wasted no time. “I know you’ve been enjoying your little game here. But there are a couple of concerns regarding the girl and her lack of progress.”

He said nothing. There was nothing to respond to. He and Rey had a deal. She would stay as long as he upheld his end of the bargain, and he had. The Force couldn’t have planned it more perfectly. The Resistance had left with no trace and she had been more than happy to stay. Not to mention, after the coronation, the rest of the First Order had settled into a moderate routine managing the systems already under their control. No one seemed to remember the Jedi who fell under his shadow. Or so he’d thought.

Hux continued. “Your Knights have been stationed on the Outer Rim. They’ve been kept out of the way, doing due diligence on research for the Unknown Regions but they’ve fallen out of recent memory and their constant vacancy has left them with little for confidence.”

Kylo bristled at the mention of his Knights along a stab of regret. He hadn’t seen them in months. Hadn’t spared them a thought in weeks. At one point they were always there with him, a constant presence, now a speck of dust in comparison to the beacon that was Rey. “And your point?”

“We need a more formidable force here. And while no one has brought it up official channels, there is talk that she is a… distraction from our current goals and not living up to potential.”

“What do you suggest I do?” There was poison and ice in his words. For not the first time, Kylo wished for his mask. Hux could see his face and it betrayed anything he managed to relay his voice. Snoke called it his weakness; it was the stamp of his legacy, his bloodline. His emotions.

“Turn the girl. Completely.”

Kylo clenched his hand. His guards stood sharply at attention. Hux snarled and waved his hand in disgust. “Then bring the Resistance to heel.”

“They’re gone.”

“For how long? Despite what you have kept to yourself, you know that they’re still out there. They disappeared from our trackers and while they’re very good at keeping off our radar for the time being, you haven’t been searching for them. What are you going to say when they strike?”

“And who says that they will?”

“The fact that they have not hesitated to retaliate at any chance they got in the past.” The simplest argument was often the most compelling. Hux had his cards well played and a knife up his sleeve.

Kylo swallowed. “You still have not given me a reasonable solution. You want my Knights? If the Order is so desperate for a figure, I’ll call them back.”

But the Knights were nothing. They were formidable, but they were nothing compared to a Jedi. And Hux knew. Hux was there on the Supremacy. He knew the deal. He knew what he was asking of him, of what leverage he was placing between Kylo and a hard place.

“The people want to see a victory. Continued strength. Crush the Resistance. Or turn the girl.”

~

Rey noted as Kylo pressed his lips together out of the corner of her eye.  Around her several large vases levitated in delicate orbits around her. He pointed at the rocks. “Concentrate.”

Rey shifted her stance and closed her eyes and within a moment, the ornamentations resumed their place levitating at various heights around her. 

“You’re too tense. Relax.”

At the word, the room shuddered and the tension shifted and Rey found her mind suddenly drifting on a calm sea. Off in the distance, a storm cloud grew and she knew if she opened her eyes, she’d find Kylo standing in the same space. 

“This is,” she said, “a little unnecessary.”

“You wanted a teacher,” he said. “And you’re too focused on your emotions.”

“Oh, that’s rich coming from you.” She had asked for a teacher and Kylo had offered and as much as a part of her wanted to deny it, to hope that it was a mistake and that this was just another failure she could write in her ledger once it was all done, he was not a bad teacher. 

He was rather capable. Possibly even more so than Luke and Rey fought the feeling of betrayal that came with that. Luke wasn’t a bad teacher, just… not the right one for her perhaps. He wasn’t wrong, but he wasn’t wrong and he saw the sins of his past as absolutes, not warnings. 

Rey’s brow broke into a sweat as she struggled to concentrate, to not let the grasp slip. “Luke said there is more to being a Jedi than lifting rocks.”   


Very reluctantly, Kylo looked at her. “He’s not wrong.”

“Then what else is there?”

“Many abilities the galaxy considers to be unnatural.”

“And you’ve mastered them all?”

He didn’t answer. Rey didn’t need him to. 

Kylo stood straight and turned around. Rey’s eyes opened and the statues stayed in perfect orbit around them. She didn’t need to flick her fingers as they started to turn. Kylo didn’t react, but Rey could feel the awe emanating from him, along with ever-present sea that seemed to torment beneath him. “I can feel the emotions, the conflict in you. It’s tangible, it’s as real as you are now.”

“Close your eyes,” he said, taking a step in her direction. 

“Why?”

“If I’m the most interesting thing in the universe, you’re not looking hard enough. Reach out further,” he said, his words almost a purr hiding sharp teeth. 

Rey almost ignored him, but there was no point. Itw as hard to look past him, to look past the storm clouds that was him, the raging current he was in the Force to look beyond and see--  It opened up and there was suddenly peace. Or stillness. Or just, the Force. Stars gathered and birthed and died in sequence and Rey was privy to it all. She opened herself up further and fell away from the  _ Ascension _ and its life forms there and reached out and saw planets and possibilities and then her friends. 

Rey paused and went back, searching. There was something she was looking for - her friends, who she loved and cared for and wanted so desperately to be alive. 

And there it was. A spark, a faint glimmer, as if a newborn star was awakening for the first time. Next to it was a older star who brimmed with older energy, but burned just as bright, and then even brighter was a large old star, brilliant and overpowering with potential. So much that it was preparing to go nova and Rey fondly thought of her old instructor, of Luke as she looked past it to the newborn bright spot. 

The signature on the newborn star was unmistakable. 

_ Finn _ . 

Rey gasped. He’s alive. The Resistance was alive. The Resistance was still out there. That meant that all she’s done, all she agreed to when she agreed to stay was worth it. They were alive and far out and away from the First Order, but they were there.

The light in galaxy was alive. Rey smiled, tears forming in her eyes. She focused in that corner, reaching out with the Force, uncaring as beamed with pride. She didn’t notice as Kylo stilled in the corner. She didn’t notice the hardness that came across his jaw. She didn’t notice the way his hand clenched or how his saber was suddenly in hand. 

All she saw were her friends and for the moment, she could forget everything. She blinked and turned and started to say, “Kylo they--”

But then she saw him and remembered. 

“What did you see?” she asked, tentatively. It was like looking at him back on the shattered Supremacy, watching him decide to kill them all or walk away. Rey remembered all too well what he chose last time.

But this was a different Kylo. A Kylo who was free from Snoke’s voice for months, who carried her from danger and who taught her about the Force. He  _ knew _ her and despite what she wanted to admit, Rey had come to know him too. That didn’t change as he stood and when he spoke, his voice was raw, his emotions boiling over and his control maintained by a thread. “I saw…”

If he saw Finn, if he saw the Resistance, he could find them. It would take time, but Rey heard enough of his moniker during her short time in the Resistance base. Jedi Killer. He’d hunt them down and then there’d be no reason for her to stay or for him to play nice. She’d have nothing to bargain with. 

His mind brushed hers, the bond flaring open against their will as a single word passed through them.  _ Luke _ .

Rey heard screams and saw a green lightsaber held by a man with a twisted face. Luke from his nightmares, or his past. Did it really matter which one was which at this point?

Maybe he didn’t see Finn. Maybe they would still have a chance. She dared to take a step forward.

“Remember,” she said. “Remember what you promised.”

He didn’t look at her. He looked out at the stars, far beyond where she was to the cluster where Finn and the rest of her friends hid. He saw them,  _ kriff _ , he saw them. “I do.”

“Luke was not a part of that bargain.” He said nothing to that. He didn’t turn. The bond between them was drawn tight, but he shattered his end and Rey was left on the outside with a man she thought she knew. “Luke is with the Resistance and if you go after them, I’m gone.”

He was so close to her now, Rey cut out all the space between them. All she could feel was the ship beneath her and the Force mingling with the blood in her veins and his presence, right there out of reach, hiding from her like a scared child. 

“I know.” His voice was hoarse. His hand shook.

“Kylo…” Her voice was near a whisper. Let them go, she wanted to say. But she didn’t. Instead, she fell into the Force and watched him as he snarled to empty air and stalked away. 

~

Finn leaned back on his bunk and relished in the fact that this was, in fact, his very own bunk. He’d lost count of the number of times he slept on a pallet in a corner of the  _Falcon_.  They’d gone from Canto Bight to a dozen worlds, then to Ach-To -- where he watched his General convince her brother to board and come with them -- and then to another dozen worlds before rendezvousing with the remnant in the middle of dead space. But he had his own bunk and it was a luxury he never would take for granted again. 

Rose’s face was impossible to read. She’d hurt herself a few days before and sleep had been fitful as of late. Dark circles were under eyes and her hand was wrapped and held close to her chest. Caught between an x-wing and one of the landing struts, beneath the wraps it was black and blue and thankfully her fingers were spared, but it was terrible to look at. 

“Just a mechanic’s hand,” she had joked when she first showed Finn. It didn’t make the situation any better. 

And even though they had a cruiser and a few fighters and were slowly gathering stock, bacta still was in short supply, leaving Rose and other’s with less grievous injuries to heal the old fashioned way. 

Dr. Kalonia was a good medic, but it was still slow going. And Rose didn’t take light duty easily. 

Leia had pulled her into her service for the time being and it was work to keep them busy while Finn helped to train the new recruits with blaster care and practice, but now he had his own bunk. They had a place to sit and some time off together and for a brief moment, Finn could pretend that all was right. 

He put his arms around Rose and held her close. Her eyes were shut, but she exhaled heavily and relaxed into him, her arm falling from her chest; her injured hand brushing against his. Finn reached out and took it gently, running his hands across it. In his mind, he could see the individual bones -- he vaguely remembered their names from training, stormtroopers were all taught basic medic skills -- and he traced them individually. Then he went to the muscles and tendons, working from the fingertip to wrist. It was calming and soothing, to focus on what he knew, what he remembered than the unknown that waited for them. Here, there was a certainty. There was physicality. The future was his fear for Rey and finding her before the First Order changed her irrevocably, or the First Order finding him and changing him again, taking away all that he knew and loved again. 

Rose mumbled something as the cruiser hummed, the sub-light engines gathering speed. Finn continued to run his fingers across her hand mindlessly, holding her close as the ship prepared for another jump. 

Rose started. “Finn…”

“Hmmm…”

She pulled her hand away, her voice rising. “Finn.”

“What?”

He’d never seen her this energized before, not even when she’d stumbled on a new way to power engines with an additional ten percent of output. She moved her hand with no resistance, the wraps falling off quickly as she twisted it with nary a grimace. “What did you do?”

Finn stared at her hand with mouth wide open. The skin beneath it was perfect. There wasn’t a trace of a bruise. There wasn’t any discoloration or swelling. There was nothing but a perfect hand, dirtied and greased, like any proper and proud mechanic’s hands should be.

He didn’t know how to feel himself.  “I don’t… I don’t know. I just touched it and thought of you and being better and able to do what you love and well--” He gestured to her hand. “I didn’t do anything.”

“Yes you did!”

“Rose -- I… I don’t know anything about this. I don’t know what you think I did.”

“I’ll tell you what I think.” She leaned forward and peered into his eyes curiously as if she expected him to have different colors or sparks to fly from them. “I think you have the Force.”

~

Luke Skywalker walked around the hall and nearly tripped over himself when he saw the pair waiting for him outside of his room. Finn and Rose argued under their breath, waving their hands in various directions and Luke vaguely debated turning around and walking the other way. It was too early for this.

“This isn’t how the Force should work,” Finn said, his face falling as he noticed the old Jedi walking up. 

Luke was always curious. That was his vice in the end. Curiosity would kill him one day, he was sure of it. He walked past them, eyeing them curiously as they fell silent and sent each other pointed glances. 

Sighing, Luke turned.  “Now if you want answers, you know you’re going to have to start from the beginning.”

Rose stepped forward, gesturing wildly with her right hand. “He fixed this.”

“And?”

“It's better. Without bacta.”

He looked back at the stormtrooper, trying to remember what Rey had told him and what Leia had supplemented. A stormtrooper who defected from the First Order and shunned its conditioning. “What did you do?”

Finn shrugged. “I touched it and thought about it being well.” Luke didn’t look away and Finn added, “I was given medic training as a stormtrooper. I know what it’s supposed to look like -- I know the bones and everything and I was just going through them in my head.”

Luke eyed the two of them before sighing. “I guess there are such as things as third chances. Come on.”

The two followed him inside. His cabin was meager. It was nicer than anything he had in the past decade, but it was nostalgic in a sense. The cruiser his sister had gotten her hands on was an old Mon Cal monstrosity. Ackbar would have been proud. 

He set down his pack and turned to the younger pair.  “So. Finn.” He sat down and leaned forward on the bench, his elbows on his knees. “What is your title here?”

“Soldier.”

“You’re a bad shot.”

Anger and disdain flared in his chest. Luke noted it and watched as he tamped it down and lassoed his pride and instead said, “That’s a lie and you know it, but then again you’re not that much of a shot yourself.”

Luke grinned, but it failed to reach his eyes. “What do you want?”

“I want to know if you know what’s going on here.”

“And you think you have the Force?”

Finn shrugged. Luke watched as he looked away and Rose reached for his hand with hers. He had support, he had bravery, he had luck.

“I don’t know what this is. But the past year has been enough to tell me there is enough in this galaxy that I don’t know and don’t understand. And if this is the Force or something, I want to know so it might be able to help us defeat the First Order.”

Luke laughed. Finn frowned. “Spoken like a true soldier. But you’re not just a soldier, are you?”

Luke closed his eyes and reached out and he almost smiled. There were capability and potential in front of him, a fount of the Force constantly flowing and reaching out to him, begging to be taught. 

Is this what Obi Wan saw when he saw himself so many years ago? Ben had been similar, but a roaring waterfall, so powerful and constant that it would either power or wound anything that fell in its way. Rey was a sun, explosive and far-reaching, shrouding the world in light. Finn was a river, constant and steady and steadfast, already coming from the dark forests to find the ocean on its way. 

“I thought you were done training Jedi. You made that very clear when we dragged you off that island.”

“My sister dragged me off that island, thank you very much,” he said with nearly a growl. “But I’ll tell you what you’re so afraid to hear. You have the Force. And I’ve failed the Jedi too many times, but not enough to make me give up.” He thought of Rey, standing there in the rain, her hand and lightsaber held out to him. And he turned her away and now look where she was. “I’ll train you, if that’s what you want.”

It wasn’t the answer Finn was expecting, that was clear enough. “I’m not a Jedi,” he said, glancing at Rose who said nothing. She just watched Luke with suspicion and awe. 

Luke nodded. “You don’t have to be.  But you have good hands and a good heart and there are more ways to use the Force than evading blaster and breaking things with a lightsaber.”

The ships alarms blared once -- a recon team was making their final approach and the ship shuddered to a stop as they reverted to realspace. Luke patted his knee and stood. “Come on.”  

~ 

“So Jedi boy, hhe, huh?”

Finn looked up as DJ walked through the doors. “I’m not a Jedi,” he said half-heartedly.

“Good chhoice. Wouldn’t want to be one myself. Too many convictions. I ppprefer to stand by my self.”

“And look at where that’s got you.” DJ merely shrugged and sat in his chair. Finn had come up to the check the recon comms to see if there was any message from Poe -- he’d been sent out with the rest of Black Squadron and Finn was left behind. There were recruits to train and Luke to deal with; the old Jedi had taken to waking him up before dawn and going to the observation deck and meditating and teaching. It was… odd at first, but Finn found himself looking forward to the routine.

It was centering as if he was finding his sea legs after a life on the tumultuous sea.

“It got me to the belly of the Resistance and my hands on some of the best code tech in the Middle Rim,” DJ said as he ran a hand across his console fondly. “Speaking of which--” he lowered his voice and looked up at Finn from under the brim of his hat. “Would you like to see her?”

Finn glanced up sharply. “What do you mean?”

There wasn’t a question of what DJ meant by ‘her’. They hadn’t seen or heard from Rey in months. It was as if she disappeared into the First Order machine and despite his best attempts, Finn still woke in the middle of the night wondering what she would be like when it finally spit her out.

For the first time, DJ looked practically giddy. “I managed to slice into a back door of the First Order framework.”

“You what?”

He nodded and started booting up the console. “A few wwweeks ago I stumbled on an old frequency that was still active and managed to sssslice its acceptance codes. Then it was just a matter of waiting for the right opportunity and --” The coder’s fingers slid across the console before he hit a button and turned around, beaming. “Boom. Front row footage of the coronation of the new Supreme Leader.”

Finn stared at the holo, not even blinking. For a moment he couldn’t believe what he saw. Rey was alive. She was alive and she looked well. That’s all that went through his mind at first, but then the words finally began to sink in.

“Coronation?”

“Mhmm.”

“New Supreme Leader?”

“Yeup.”

Snoke was dead. The man who authorized his carting away and fabrication of his life was dead. Finn’s hand fell from a fist as he suddenly realized he would really have like to have been the one to do him in. 

Finn stared at the screen before holding up his comm. “I think the General is going to want to see this.” 

~

There were six in that comm room where DJ had the footage pulled. Leia glanced at it as it flipped back to the beginning of the recording. It wasn’t long, only a two-minute long cut, but it showed them enough. It focused heavily on the kneeling man with a circlet of black on his head, but Leia knew that most of the room only had eyes for the girl off to the side, who stared at the new Supreme Leader without wavering.

Leia couldn’t help but look at her son. The Supreme Leader. She wanted to shake her head and laugh and cry and call Han in to see because her son was Supreme Leader. Ben, the boy who she kept the governorship of Birren from since he would have wanted nothing to do with it. Instead, he ruled half the galaxy.

“What do you want to do General?”

Kaydel waited for Leia’s answer as she looked back up. They were all looking at her and Leia sighed. “How old is this footage?”

“Three weeks, maybe five,” DJ supplied. “It’s hard to find an exact stamp, but this wasn’t hidden.”

“And from what we can tell, this was broadcast on an unencrypted signal galaxy wide,” Kaydel added.

Leia wanted to sigh again. The First Order wanted them to see this. They wanted them to see Rey in First Order colors, staring at their leader with such fixation that bordered on devotion. They wanted Leia herself to see her son. She wasn’t taking down Snoke, or some hidden figurehead this time, no. It was Ben. 

The footage stopped when he looked at the cam. Leia felt he was staring into her soul.  _ Forgive me _ .

“We keep moving ahead. We have a plan. We’re going to stand by it. Rey is a smart girl. She’ll know how to keep her head up.” She raised a hand and everyone stood. “Dismissed.”

They all filed out save for the ex-stormtrooper who remained focused on the holo figures. The shimmering blue silhouette of Rey looked past them into empty space. Leia hated to admit that she looked good. She cleared her throat. Finn looked up. “A word?”

He nodded and stood at as close to a relaxed position as he could manage. “Luke told me you came to him.”

“I did.”

“And?”

Finn looked away. Leia leaned back graciously. “It’s alright. You’ve done nothing wrong. You won’t be court-martialed for having the Force.”

“I know, it’s just…” He glanced up to the ceiling. “Everything I know is gone. Everything I was, I can’t be. I was trained to be a fighter, and a damn good one and I can snipe down the barrel of a blaster almost better than anyone else here.”

Leia nodded. “I know.”

“But I gave that up -- being a weapon for anyone when I left them. And this? This?” He raised his hands. “I have no idea what this is.”

“Does it scare you?”

“Hell yeah.” He ran a hand across his hair. “I mean, you’ve heard the stories, but I’ve seen Kylo Ren. I’ve seen his Knights, I know what the Force is capable of. And I’m not sure I wan’t anything to do with it.”

He looked exhausted as he finished, more a lingering weariness in his eyes and the lines of his face than any physical exhaustion. Leia steepled her fingers together and sighed. Luke was probably the only left who knew of the things she saw. Vader and the Emperor haunted her dreams, the inky stain of the Force unable to leave her, unable to give her rest and when Ben ran it was never ending. But the young man in front of her deserved the truth. She’d been in his position once, and he had even less support than she did.

“I’ve seen the dark side of the Force at a height of power few can only dream of. The Force is what you make of it.” She said and with a snap, a pen jumped into her hand. Finn’s eyes widened. “I didn’t believe him then, when he told me that there is more to it than just lightsabers and flinging things around.”

She looked at Finn and held out the pen. He took it, turning the stylus around. Leia reached out -- he shone like a beacon. “How do you want to use it?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all liked it! Please kudos and comment and tell me your thoughts!
> 
> also, i'm considering writing a mini chapter/fic about what happened to the resistance while they were getting Luke. Thoughts?


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HI I'M NOT DEAD THIS STORY ISN'T DEAD
> 
> i think i started this chapter at least 3 separate times before I found something I could work with and then I just went full on shameless indulgence on it so I HOPE YOU ALL ENJOY IT
> 
> thank you for being oh so so so so so very patient with me and I hope you enjoy this update! I ended up cutting enough from this chapter that the next one shouldn't take too long for me to write <3 <3
> 
> as always, please share and leave comments and kudos -- they're like author candy that fuel my writing (no seriously i read them on rainy days <3)
> 
> you can find me on tumblr @aionimica

Luke was alive.

The walls of the _Ascension_ blended together in a seam of grey. Offhandedly, he noticed as stormtroopers and various personnel stepped out of his way. Or rather, Kylo noticed them when he didn’t run them into the floor. They were all lost in his periphery as he ran from that signature that he could no longer deny. It was an itch -- a bite on his back that pained him, that he couldn’t shake as he walked away from where he left Rey in agony, walking away from Luke and the newborn star and the pull of the Force toward the painful blinding light.

There were no words that ran through his mind, but he panted as he stalked, his body aching for release for soothing and calm. His world was red haze and the Force crackled and swirled around him in familiarity as he walked and walked -- an unfamiliar action on his part to be honest, but he was the Supreme Leader now and for that title alone, he would show some semblance of control.

Only when the lift doors shut did he realize his lightsaber was ignited, crackling beside him and that the ashes he breathed in were from his own wake.

None of it all mattered, however, because Luke was alive.

Alone aside from the whirring mechanisms of the lift, Kylo roared and swung his empty fist into the wall of the lift, his lightsaber snarling at his side. His knuckles screamed in pain as the metalwork dented but they didn’t break although in the back of his head he knew they’d bruise. He’d done worse to himself -- he’d been through worse at the bidding of Snoke, at Snoke’s own hand, but the pain and rage they made him stronger. They gave him power, fueling him the same way that Vader’s legendary rage made him such a sight to behold.

Kylo was no different. He was one with the Force and the Force was with him and his hand obeyed as he moved his wounded hand, clenching into a swollen fist.

The lift deposited him in a dark hall that led to an empty room, nearly as long as it was high. A structural dead space specifically left in the Star Destroyer’s design when it was realized this would be his flagship. Muted lighting lit his path as he walked the center, throwing his cloak to the side, tearing the fastenings of his tunic with his free hand until it was discarded as well and Kylo stood alone in the center of the room, a soft sanded floor at his feet.

It was a far cry from the sparring ring at the palace, but it was functional enough and built to endure even the worst of his sessions. The engineers from the _Finalizer_ had seen to it personally.

He reached out a hand and a door opened on the far wall. Two large humanoid droids walked out, their optic sensors a bright blood red, their outer casings painted a matte black and in one arm was a long blade not dissimilar to his own Red Guard and the other a high powered carbine blaster.

Kylo stilled as they walked, taking a deep breath, letting himself fall back into that pit of red haze and then moved.

The battle droids were ready -- they were always ready, their optics and computers programmed to predict movement, to be in the place before he was to deliver the killing blow. They were fast, relics from before the Empire, repurposed from Jedi Killers of generations past. He modified their circuitry himself, adjusting their settings, replacing the optical sensors and motivators to match that of a Jedi, pushing to the brink of what their build was physically possible. Programmed with deadly accuracy, they were the culling for the final line of recruits for Snoke’s Praetorians and Kylo’s own Knights. But here, their settings were maxed, their firing capacity boosted and there was no safety.

He was stuck in the cold vacuum of space, his body craving war and slicing through metal was his only reprieve.

One came to his right, the other backing behind and flanking -- he dispatched them without a second glance. Two more came from the door, firing immediately, their programming recognizing the threat and loss of allies. Blocking blaster fire was not his forte, but Kylo merely lifted a hand and held the bolts in place as he ran forward and cut them down. Plasma bolts scattered the far wall when he let them free.

They came again, two at a time and he’d cut them down. Two and then three and then four until it was just droid after droid and the heavy scent of burning ozone in his nose. A stray bolt grazed his shoulder, but Kylo didn’t notice. It was a burn, there was bacta on this ship; there was pain and there was power. He inhaled sharply and then violently dismembered the shooter, carving it into scrap that melted on the sand.

They’d come in waves and he’d take them all down, he’d destroy them all -- in their legions or one by one it didn’t matter -- but the motions were meditation and the violence was bliss and when his saber flickered and cut through metal, sending searing heat across his face, it was the grounding rod that held him here in the present. It reminded him that he was alive, that he was in control and that Luke would die, just like the droids.

When they crumbled to the floor, he reached out a hand and called another.

He’d kill Luke again and again and then perhaps he would feel something once more.

~

It was odd, the day that Rey woke up and realized that she called the _Ascension_ home.

She blamed it on the routine. There was comfort in routine. On Jakku, she’d wake before the sun when the air wasn’t that far from cool and before every breath was cloaked with dust when there was a slight sense of moisture in the air. She’d walk out and patrol around her AT-AT and then get her gear and her speeder go to work climbing the skeletal monoliths of scrap on the horizon.

There wasn’t much of a difference on the Destroyer. She woke in the morning, ate the breakfast the serving droids placed in front of her and got ready for her day. It was hard to miss what full meals brought her. She felt her waist filling out, her arms becoming stronger. There was a lack of need fueling her motions and when Rey looked in the mirror and saw herself, it was as if a stranger was staring back. A stranger without hollow cheeks or a sunken belly. Muscle corded around her arms and across her waist. She was strong, she was capable. She was a Jedi.

There was a fairly unoccupied track that ran on one of the upper levels of the ship and Rey would run her laps while the chrono still read early in the day and there weren’t many officers to stop and see her and stare. She was a common enough sight on the ship, but a Jedi was still an anomaly to most and Rey still preferred to be alone. Her guard would follow, or as best they could.

After her run, she’d stop and stare up at the skeleton of metal workings while her guards panted at her side. Every now and then she’d wonder what it would be like to gather her old equipment and climb until there was nothing more above her until it was just the command tower and the emptiness of stars above and below.

One day, she told herself. One day. One day she’d climb, one day she’d fly and one day she wouldn’t be afraid to not be alone.

He’d find her after that. She always met Kylo in the hall between their rooms, or if he wasn’t there, he’d turn the corner from his own as soon as she palmed her door open. Her guards would vanish and then she’d walk at his side, flanked by his own Red Guard. There, she’d follow him through somehow empty halls, as if parted from all other officers and clerks. He’d reach out and cloud the holocams as they passed, his light touch in the Force a blinding light to Rey. It was humorous, in some ways, watching the Supreme Leader, ruler of the galaxy, sneak around his own ship as if teaching her, associating with her was something forbidden.

Latently, Rey realized it might be.

“Why don’t you just tell them what you’re doing?” she asked him as he wiped a camera outside one of the meditation rooms in the lower levels.

“Hux knows,” he said quietly after fiddling with the cam’s wiring. “He’s always known. How long he’ll keep it to himself, I don’t trust to know or guess.”

“And they’ll assume you’re turning me to the dark side.” It was difficult to not think of the red-haired general who advocated for her death on the Supremacy and revealed her presence on the Finalizer.

_You think she could be turned, he had asked._

_Shall we find out?_

She had stiffened at that and turned back. “Are you?”

“I don’t know, am I?” Kylo had snipped before turning to her and her sessions began.

That was just this morning and then she sat and stretched out with the Force, reaching out as far as the Force would let her and she saw Finn and the Resistance and Luke together and alive and strong and Rey felt the rage boiling in Kylo as he fled. All he had to do was tell his generals and the Resistance would be dead and rey would be gone. There was a brief moment of fear, of panic that all she had done was for naught but as the minutes ticked by Rey breathed easy and trusted that Kylo kept his word. There was no shift to the _Ascension’s_ path, no shudder as the engines began a prep to lightspeed. The stars stayed stationary and the wide observation panel stayed open.

BB-9e rolled around at her feet, hissing every now and then when she wasn’t quite giving it enough attention or pieces of scrap.

Rey scowled as it bumped into her calf. “What, are you building your own ship?”

BB-9e hissed and opened its compartment, begging for whatever she had. Rey rolled her eyes and pulled a piece of copper wire from her pocket and the droid squealed happily.

“Do you like Kylo?” she asked the droid abruptly. Its head spun around violently and Rey watched as it sensor opened and closed as if trying to decipher what her question meant. Of course, the droid would like Kylo. Kylo was the Supreme Leader, the droid was manufactured for his order. And why was she asking this to a droid of all things --

BB-9E beeped and spun in a circle, keeping its single eye on her.

“Do I like him?” Rey almost laughed and fell back on the floor. That was most definitely not what she was expecting.

“Why do you care? You’re a droid. Why do my feelings matter to you?”

The droid twiddled and bleeped.

“Oh protocol, huh?” The droid cocked its head and Rey laughed. “I don’t have to like him. I’m not loyal to him. I didn’t make any oaths. But… I don’t…”

She fell silent as she remembered he made oaths to her. The memory of his coronation seared suddenly on her brain, the intensity of his eyes only matched by the precision of his lips as he spoke each promise to her. Rey swallowed and glanced up at the ceiling, fidgeting with the bracers over her wraps. She sighed and finally let herself fell back on the cold floor and admitted to the droid, “I don’t know.”

It was an honest answer. There was… much she didn’t know and much she did. Kylo didn’t lie. That was the one thing she knew to be true. He told the truth, bitterly and eagerly, the barbs of honest nearly as searing as lies, but she never doubted his position. He portrayed himself as fully himself to the world and spat on those who denied him. For a girl who fought tooth and nail among scavengers to survive, it was an odd comfort to be able to not doubt his honesty. 

Then there was he looked at her when he thought she wasn’t looking. She had dreams of the way his eyes softened and lips parted as he took her in, nightmares of him looking up at her from his knees as she walked away, that face plastered in her mind. And then there were the moments where she imagined him saying her name, hearing it over and over, as his hands touched her own again and again and then he yelled and Rey’s vision became shot with red haze not her own.

She sat up suddenly, the echoing shout still echoing in her mind. “Ben?”

The yelling stopped, momentarily as stunned silence reached out to her before being interrupted by a sharp inhale. She saw him for a moment, the bond threatening to form in front of her and it was like glancing back through time to the moment on Ahch-To. But this time, there was no steady sea of his mind to calm her rage. No, this time it was staring into the eye of a storm

He stood sweaty and shirtless, perspiration dripping from his forehead, hair stuck to his cheek. Lightsaber crackled in his hand, gloves damp as his hand gripped his saber tightly. Smoke drifted around him as he turned.  

Rey stood. “Where are you?”

But he didn’t look at her, no he just snarled and turned back to whatever he fought and the bond closed. Rey’s heart pounded in her chest and she reached out. He was close, that alone was obvious from the crackling thunderstorm that trailed in his wake.

She ran down the halls, BB-9e at her heels before the thunderstorm erupted with lightning crackling out in the Force before settling down to a seething mass. Rey skidded to a halt in front of a set of doors she never paid attention to before.

“Stay here,” she said, holding out a hand to emphasize it. The droid warbled and reluctantly obeyed as Rey rushed inside before immediately skidding to a halt. She was in a dimly lit room -- a sparring room -- hazed over with smoke and the acrid smell of molten metal. Broken battle droids scattered along the floor, cut methodical pieces, slashed beyond all recognition.

And beyond them, she saw the storm.

He was a vision, brutal and methodical -- everything that she felt him do in the throne room on the _Supremacy_ she saw in completion. His lightsaber darted ahead of him as he stalked his prey, brawling with the droids before dismantling them and moving on to the next with startling efficiency. They were larger than any Rey had seen before and he took his time, toying with them, goading them out further, parrying their blows before leaping in with the final blow. Blaster bolts fired in every which way narrowly missing his form and Rey watched as the droids moved in closer and closer until a stray bolt managed to get through his defenses and Rey ran forward and shouted,

“Ben!”

The room fell quiet. The bolt deflected brutally off to the side and for a single moment, he stilled, as if shocked by her words. His name caught in her throat. Oh, how it lingered there for so long, waiting to come out. How long did she deny his name for his actions? And yet...

“Ben?” she tried again -- he reached out a hand; the battle droid shuddered and crumbled in on itself, once, twice, as if a child was folding it into the tiniest space.

He swung blindly and the barely-recognizable droid flew against the far wall before joining its brethren on the floor. He blinked once, twice, licking his lips before finally turning her way, his eyes scrambling to refocus as Rey walked out on the sand.

He glanced around sharply at her, his eyes hidden from behind his bangs, his mess of hair that dripped with sweat onto his nose, but Rey felt their burn all the same.

“Are you alright?”

“I’m fine,” he said briskly and ran a hand through his hair.

“You like what you see?”

“I…”

“We need to work on your shields Rey,” he said sardonically.

“Stop looking in my mind,” she said off-handedly. She didn’t dare deny it, not the way he looked at her like that, not the way they bartered in honesty and barely concealed truths.

“Stop broadcasting it for the whole ship to see.” He took a few more steps to her side, his saber crackling menacingly at his side as if growling and begging for more.

She knelt down instead at the droids, diverting her gaze from him. Anything to look away, anything to not look at him.

“What are these?”

“Battle droids.” Rey made a face at his quip. If Kylo noticed, he said nothing.

She held up a broken arm and turned it over. The welding points were more precise than what she would have expected in such an old model, the ores used ones she hadn’t seen since her youngest years on Jakku before all the pieces were scavenged and sold.  “I haven’t seen anything like them before.”

“They’re from before the Empire,” he said off hand. “Designed by the Trade Federation during the Clone Wars.”

“And you restored them?” Rey glanced at him, noting the blush

“No,” he said and glanced away. “Their designs were in Imperial annals that Snoke found several years ago. There are not many Force users to train against, so he commissioned several thousand for personal use and training.”

“So they’re…”

“Jedi killers,” he finished, an odd sense of pride in his voice. Jedi killers taken down by the Jedi Killer. Rey swallowed.

“Surely they’re not that good.”

He turned sharply at that. “If you’re so eager to pass judgment, get a lightsaber,” he said softly, his mouth curving just so as Rey found herself unable to look away. She swallowed. “Show me what can do.”

Rey swallowed. Kylo reached out with a hand and suddenly a saber hilt was in his grasp and he held it out to her. She took it and ignited it, the amber blade lighting up the space between them. She stood, feet apart, the blade heavy in her hand, familiar and unfamiliar, the hilt cold and hot at the same time. Rey would have called that pull of his scar and twist of his lips a smile if she knew any better.

Kylo raised a hand and the battle droids advanced and he moved at her side. They came fast, their settings not adjusted for her. Rey’s breath caught in her throat as she barely managed to block the first blow, the droid’s crackling staff narrowly missing her brow. She parried and darted back and the droid followed, it’s long legs carving up the distance.

Parry, parry, thrust. Parry, parry, thrust -- the droid didn’t falter as she took its arm. She slashed out again. It didn’t falter as she cut the servos in its leg -- it staggered on striking again and again, coming closer and closer and faster and faster and then. Rey breathed as Kylo’s saber cut through its torso and it fell to the ground.

His eyes met hers briefly before he turned, exposing her as one droid raised its blaster. Rey lifted her saber, preparing to dart out of the way when Kylo’s voice suddenly broke through her mind.

 _Feel the Force_.

The droid fired and Rey fell into the current. She blinked and twisted and reached and the bolt darted off to the side, deflected by her blade.

She exhaled shakily and stared at the heap of metal. That was something, she noted and continued, her limbs imbued with speed and strength only found in the flow of the Force. Kylo moved at her side, never slowing as the droids continued their onslaught. With each one she felled, Rey noticed their weakness, was able to track them faster. It was as if the Force was showing her where to strike, guiding her out of their blows or adjusting her just enough to anticipate their attack. She was grace and precision.

Next to her, Kylo tore them down.

And then the droids were gone and it was just them, moving together and apart. Her saber caught against his and sparks showered between them. Those dark brown eyes looked into her and through her, light by flashing shades of amber and blood red.

His legs adjusted quickly to her positioning as he spun and brought his blade down in a wide arc. She parried him easily, though her arms shuddered with the force of his blow. Brute strength was his ally, but she knew his weakness. She darted in close, forcing him to work at such close range, throwing them both into the rudimentary forms of Makashi. Rey twisted around old dueling form, struggling to keep him on the edge, desperate to hold onto her high ground.

He disengaged and paused before striking heavily against her guard  She stumbled across the sands as their momentum caught their feet. He didn’t fare much better, his form slowly slipping into Ataru as he jumped on her weakness, slipping into a bastard form of both.

She waited and waited for him to pull on Niman, to expand that reach to the Force and use it against her, but he never did. This was sabers and foresight and them and the Force watched with piqued curiosity waiting and waiting for the victor to rise as Rey ran in towards his blade, towards the heart of his storm. Faster and faster, she parried and turned, the Force guiding her motions until there was nothing but them.

And then in an instant, it all became still.

She feinted to the right, dropping her guard as he turned and spun. His saber was aloft, ready to strike her exposed shoulder, but she fell on her knees and dropped between his guard and pointed her tip just below his sternum.

“I yield.” He whispered it hoarsely between staggered breaths. His arms shook as Rey disengaged and caught her breath. She backed away, unable to take her eyes off of him. The thumbed off the saber and stood there, struggling to catch her breath and filter through the rush of emotions that overcame.

He was such an anomaly, this man. He pulled himself up to his full height, his head bowed as he wiped the sweat from his brown and clipped his saber hilt to his belt.

This was the Master of the Knights of Ren. This was the man who walked in front of legions, groomed and trained by Snoke into an effective war dog, sent to seek and obliterate on his command.

And yet he fell apart at her touch -- her very presence. There was conflict bubbling just below his charred heart -- it never hardened into steel, only burned and scarred beneath. Pain leaked out of his every orifice, every decision, every conflict broken beneath him, barely held together.

“Ben,” she said. He turned his face a mask of barely contained fury. His eyes were wild, his jaw tight.

“What?”

He was so close. She could breathe him in at this distance, heavy with sweat and musk and the faint spice of his soap. She could kiss him -- he was right there, right out of reach, his lips parted as he panted. And he didn’t move as she found herself coming closer, staring up into his eyes, deciphering what maze held him together.

They were alone. Together, but oh so alone and Rey held onto him, desperate to not let him float away. His head bent down, his gloved hand rising up to her cheek, the warm leather brushing away hair from her face. His hands hesitantly hovered over her. Her skin crawled with anticipation, heat flooding through every pore. Rey swallowed, her breath coming fast, her wraps too tight and him so close.

She leaned into that phantom of his touch, his warmth and him. But all she felt was the echo of that rage, all that loss, and pain, stitched together as it warred with whatever broadcasted in his mind that echoed whatever he saw in hers.

“You’re hurt,” she said suddenly as he stared at her with parted lips. She raised a hand to his wound. It was from a stray blaster bolt that seared across his shoulder. The skin was hot and weeping, partially cauterized by the blast. But it ate into his skin, pinching as he adjusted his stance as if he suddenly realized it hurt. Rey placed her hand over it gingerly. He stiffened at her touch, almost balking, eyes wide and nostrils flared.

“Let me help you,” she said gently, not looking away from those wide eyes as she took his hand and led him away from his host of carnage.

It wasn’t lost on her, the way Ben held onto her tightly as they left the sparring ring behind. The way he leaned against her, the way he slowed his pace to match hers: a warlord leaning into her touch.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the battle droids Kylo repurposed are these two models.  
> \- [Magna Guards](http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/IG-100_MagnaGuard)  
> \- [Super Battle Droids](http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/B2_super_battle_droid)
> 
> Information on lightsaber forms can be found [HERE.](http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Lightsaber_combat/Legends)


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for the delay my dears! Woooo a month. That was an accident, but a well-needed break on my part. I did update my RFFA fic during October, in case you are interested in more of my work (dragon kylo anyone?) but now we're back to the main event! And i'm working on this fic during fake!nanowrimo so hopefully i'll have another chapter here for you before too long.
> 
> PEOPLE HAVE MADE THINGS FOR THIS FIC!!!!!!!!!!  
> [the incredible @kylorenaissance on tumblr made me this amazing moodboard](https://kylorenaissance.tumblr.com/post/177750613307/moodboard-for-ashes-in-our-wake-by-aionimica-the)  
> and I commissioned the absolutely amazing [@lilithsaur for art from the scene in chapter 17 after they spar AND SHE DID SUCH A GOOD JOB](https://aionimica.tumblr.com/post/178995861613/they-were-alone-together-but-oh-so-alone-and-rey)
> 
> Thank you to everyone who commented and read during this break -- all of your comments are beautiful and I look forward to reading over every last one of them! <3 please read and comment and share with your friends if you enjoy!
> 
> As always, you can find me on tumblr @aionimica <3 enjoy the story!

 

* * *

 

“Are you sure about this?”

“Am I sure about what?” Her voice was light; Kylo would have sworn she was smiling if not for the tight line across her lips just then. Instead, she was focused, the same look upon her face as she wore on the  _ Supremacy _ ,  trying to take her saber from his grasp.

He grunted. “Healing.”

She turned to him. “Would you rather I didn’t?”

The question was so simple, asked so easily that Kylo half expected her to turn around and walk away if this wasn’t her own rooms. Maybe that’s what prompted his hesitation: this place was foreign— forbidden, only seen in half-remembered Force visions and fuzzed in the distance behind her when he saw her come or go. There was a softness -- a lived-in quality -- that contrasted harshly with the rest of the ship or the medical bays he usually frequented. Blankets were piled on the floor, clothes were strewn about. Even her bed wasn’t made -- it looked hardly slept in. This was Rey she showed nobody, least of all him. 

Until now.

“No,” he said at last.

She nodded, considering that and then patted the bed with her spare hand. Shakily, he pulled himself up and lay down. It was more work than he anticipated -- the blood on his skin drying and pulling, the fresh burns crying out as he stretched them to their limits. Everything hurt, but that’s what he gets for running head first into blaster fire. It always ended this way -- exhausted and burned and his body aching while he laid himself out on a table.

He was drained, worn, at peace.

And yet she was close enough to set every part of him on fire. So close -- too close almost, he realized belatedly as heat rushed from his chest to his groin. He stiffened and the rest of him froze as he forced himself to stare at the ceiling.  _ Force, not now _ . If it took using the Force, he would do anything in his power not to get a hard-on on Rey’s bed. Not while she was so close, her hands so close, he skin light with sweat and the scent of her on his tongue. No. Not now-- 

He flinched when she touched him, the calluses of her fingers gliding over his skin. Her touch was fuel in flames, igniting them and stoking them as she proved his wounds with a focused touched. Still… his skin burned, from her or the droids and Kylo wasn’t sure he wanted it to stop. 

He inhaled sharply. Rey stilled. She glanced down to him, her hands hovering just over the largest burn. A roll of bandages was in her hand. “It’s alright,” he said, his jaw tight. “You can keep going.”

She nodded and bent back down. Kylo looked up and clenched his fists. 

He was used to droids touching him. 

In some aspects it was a comfort: their coldness, their efficiency was expected and welcomed. They didn’t ask questions or scold him or question why he didn’t stop when blaster fire intensified. They simply saw wounds that needed healing, bacta patches that needed to be administered and they did so with startling efficiency. 

But Rey? 

She lingered, her fingers discovering, testing -- looking out with a far gentler attitude than what the droids gave him. No, she worked fast with the brutal efficiency of a girl brought up alone in a desert with razor-backed steel mountains she climbed and scraped herself against. She knew what she was doing and she moved across the wounds on his body with that same skill.

Distracting himself, he stared at the ceiling. They were blue, he realized. Dark blue, almost black, but just light enough to give the illusion of dusk, or perhaps dawn. A far cry from the blacks and whites that dominated the rest of the  _ Ascension _ . A designer must have taken pity on her. 

_ No _ , his mind reminded,  _ you told them to make her rooms feel like home _ . And Rey had chosen the night.

He grunted as she prodded again.

Rey pursed her lips. “What?”

“That hurt,” he grumped.

“That’s what you get when you take on fifty -- was it fifty? -- battle droids alone,” she said quickly. “You get hurt.” She was tending his chest now, her hands surprisingly cool as she dressed him, letting the bacta begin its work. Her hands shook as she placed another bacta-laced dressing on his shoulder.

“I suppose that makes me sorry that I invited you to the  _ Supremacy  _ before Luke taught you how to Force heal.” The words escaped him before he knew it, old sentiments running across his mind as flashes came back: practicing healing on dummies and then each other as saber practice intensified; Ben’s hand on another padawan’s shoulder, the marred skin knitting itself back to health seamlessly. This newer part of him that recoiled at Luke’s very name shook with agony at the fondness of his memories, that he would even want that teaching for Rey. But when she peeled back the bandages to replace them, his body screamed and for the second time, he wished his uncle had the forethought to at least teach Rey how to heal.

“I… didn’t know that was possible,” she amended. The bacta cooled and soothed the burns, his skin starting to itch as it began to knit itself back together.

“Many things are possible in the Force that he never taught you.” He shifted on her sheets; tried desperately to ignore her scent that wove up around him. “Things he never even mentioned to you.”

Force healing, battle meditation, hibernation trances. Shatterpoints and stasis and telekenesis; all that and more lay just beyond her fingertips, the power just waiting there to be tapped.

“Can you teach me?”

He blinked at her before pulling himself up to a sitting position, ignoring the stinging on his shoulder. “Teach you what? Force healing?” Rey nodded and he stared at her, gaze narrowed and focused. “Those Jedi texts you stole should have some information.”

She didn’t miss the subtle accusation. “The First Order isn’t using them. Neither are you.”

“Always a scavenger…” he mused.

“That’s not a bad thing.”

“I didn’t say it was.”

Force healing was delicate, and dangerous. It was the passing of energy, of the Force itself, from one being to another in order to heal their wounds. It was an act of transference, with the healer allowing the living Force to flow through them, to be a channel for its intent. It was passivity and control and-- 

He… it was not his strong suit. Not since he joined the First Order and his uncle’s school was left behind in ruins.  _ Healing is of the Light,  _ Snoke told him when he attempted it once. He’d knelt before his master, bleeding onto the slate black floor, his skin starting to hang from him in ribbons.  _ To use such a mechanism when you are conflicted as you are destined to be, you do nothing but cause yourself agony and pain. To heal in such a way is beneath you. A detriment to your training. Never seek it again.  _

But for Rey? He glanced at her from underneath the hair that fell on his face. “I’ll give it try.”

She stared at him blankly when he held out a hand. “What?”

“Take it,” he said quietly. For not the second time, a small part of him desperately wished for droids. He swallowed as she interlaced their fingers and pulled her closer and closer until she hovered just above his bare skin. Her hands were cool -- he could feel it from here. 

“Do you remember how it felt to see across the stars? To use telekinesis?”

She nodded. “So healing is like lifting rocks.”

“Not quite, but not far off. The principle is the same. You are a channel,” he said as he pressed her palm against his broken skin, wincing as it stung, “-- a vessel. Your intent drives the direction of the Force, but you let it come through. It will 

Rey stared at him blankly. “Do I… have to think of anything?” He raised an eyebrow. “Like chant or gesture or do anything?”

He scoffed. “Have you ever had to do that with the Force?”

“No…”

“Then you don’t have to do that here,” he replied crisply. “Just…” He fumbled with the words, thinking back, stretching his mind to almost a decade prior to when he learned the technique the first time. “Focus on your intention. What you want the healing to be. Skin, bone -- what do you aim for when you heal.”

Rey nodded and bit her lip. “Alright.”

“Are you ready?” He felt her thumb tighten around his palm, her fingers tense against his skin.

“Not really, but this is faster than bacta, so --” she took a deep breath “-- let’s do this.”

He closed his eyes and gripped her wrist with his free hand and fell back into the touch of her as she opened herself up in the Force, a brilliant white light daring to swallow him whole. 

~

Reaching out in the Force was becoming second nature to Rey. Compared to what the texts and Kylo had mentioned, she was an infant in her experience, but as each day went by Rey found herself falling into the Force easier and eagerly and willingly, it accepted her. 

Here in her rooms with Ben on her bed was no different. Well, not as different. His presence was imposing -- as it always was, but she’d found herself not minding as the weeks went by. There was a way he deferred in her presence, swallowing every ounce of control he could wrest from himself. 

She didn’t close her eyes when he did. No. She looked at him for a moment, sitting there, legs partly open, one arm at his side while his other held onto her wrist as if she would save him from drowning. His broad shoulders speckled with burns, his hair sweaty and falling on his face as he looked up to her with closed eyes and parted lips. Handsome, vulnerable -- open to her touch. Rey glanced away then.  _ Force, what have I done? _

His skin was hot and damp beneath her touch, the burns beginning to blister and ooze as she refocused and opened herself up to the living Force. Strength flooded her veins like it had on the training sands when she faced down droids, but now, instead of battle adrenaline and foresight, it filled her up to the brim until she was ready to let it go from the palm of her hands. Down into Ben. Soft light came from her palms, his skin turning a bright red underneath. 

Hurriedly, she raced through her thoughts. Intention, intention -- what did she want?

_ Whole _ , came the thought to her mind.  _ Make him whole, heal him and make him whole _ . She focused in on that until the words became tangible and her fingers became white. 

She imagined skin knitting itself back together, no scars left behind. She’d seen him shirtless before, was more aware of how he looked than she would care to admit, but she could trace it even in her sleep. She knew what moles had burned away, where to place them again. 

_ Whole _ , was all she focused on as the Force flowed through her as a conduit.  _ Make him whole _ . And the Force obeyed. 

And then as suddenly as she felt it’s power flow into her, it was done. Rey swung about for a moment, dazed as she glanced at the chrono on her desk. Almost an hour passed. She panted and staggered back, pulling away from Ben as he opened his eyes, his hands going for his chest. 

She lifted her hands from his skin and stepped back, her mouth agape. “Oh…”

It was different, it was whole -- 

It was right.

“It worked.” She clapped her hands to her mouth before rushing back, pressing her fingers against the newborn skin. It was soft, warm, matching exactly what was there before. Rey shook her head. Never in her life had she seen anything like this, much less actually done something like this. All of her healing work was with expired bacta and good luck. But this? The part of her that believed in fairy tales wanted to call it sorcery. From what she knew of the Force, maybe it was. 

And then she looked up and the room went still. It was because of him. He wasn’t looking at his wounds, no. She fell back on her heels. He was looking at her, staring at her as if he’d never seen her before. As if she had wandered from the woods on Takodana and he was not there as a combatant, but just walking and stumbled into her sight. Reverent, desiring, want. 

Rey’s skin flushed, the wave of warmth running from the base of her neck down to the tips of her toes before settling into the crook of her spine. Want, was the chant that thudded in her skull. Want, be wanted, never be left behind. Hold and have. She stepped forward, closer into his touch, into his hand that never left her wrist and pulled her in like a lifeline. 

She was so close. He was there on her bed, lips parted, eyes hooded as he took her in, his breath coming short and fast matching hers as she reached up to brush the hair from his eyes. So desperately, she wanted what she couldn’t put into words. In a moment, she saw him as he was or maybe as he once was: with carfree eyes, or perhaps unburdened. A weight of his shoulders and lightness to his lips. The Ben that reached out to her in visions and in bond

But when she blinked, she saw him sitting on a thrown with a black crown on his head, the never ending sun of the first order emblazoned on his chest. Fire burned behind him, ashes of the resistance crushed beneath his heel. The Supreme Leader. Ben. A man who was both, and nothing.

“Ben,” she said entreatingly, and the thread that strung them together in the Force hummed as if drawn tight and plucked.

“What?” His reply was soft, pleading. Rey nearly closed her eyes.

“What are we doing?”

“I don’t know,” he replied, his voice hoarse.

“I don’t… I can’t...”She cleared her throat and looked away. “I don’t know what to do anymore. I want… I want them to be safe. I won’t change on that.”

He didn’t say anything. The silence dragged and Rey staggered to her feet. “Was all that in with the droids because of Luke and Finn?”

She asked the question so simply, so easily that it took him off guard and he just sat there, momentarily bereft of words. His hands trembled and he started to stagger back further onto her bed, but she held his gaze.  _ I have to know _ , she said.  _ I have to know _ . 

_ Am I here only to get back at them? Will you let me go if I have to? _

_ No. _ His reply came sharply.  _ And yes _ . 

“Are we not going to talk about this?” 

He glanced sharply to the side. Rey took a step closer. “What do you want me to say? I’ve left them alone. I’ve kept my word.”

_ What more do you want from me? _

The thought brushed against her mind not intrusively, almost subconsciously, as if he were pleading for her to hear, but not ready to say.

“So have I. But I’m not going to stop caring for them or keeping you away from them, just because it makes you feel better,” said Rey as she clamped down on the crack in her heart. “If i want to talk about my friends, I will. You can leave, or let me leave, i don’t care. But I’m not going to stop.” 

She almost missed the way his hand trailed by her as she walked by, catching the tail end of her wrap in his fingers. “I know,” he said in barely a whisper. “I know.”

“Then what are we doing? You have to… I know… Ben… I’m afraid that that… That this won’t end well.” Reason, why did she always have to think about the voice of reason?  _ Because it kept you alive all those years on Jakku _ , her mind reasoned.  _ It’ll keep you alive now _ . But what did that mean for her? That it wouldn’t end well… That  _ they _ wouldn’t end well. He was nothing, not to her -- just the Supreme Leader who took her bargain.

But he was also Ben, her Ben, who saw her mind clearer than anyone else -- whom she couldn’t lie to anymore than she could lie to herself. And that meant something. More than just whatever attraction burned in her core, she meant something to him and him to her. 

“I know.”

But did she care? Why did she care? She knew so much about him and yet so little, and even though the Force strung them together, Rey still… She still longed and lingered and wanted. And he was so close, so eager to give, she could feel it so tangibly. 

She held his hand, his forehead pressed to hers. And then his hands were at the back of her neck, tangling in her hair, holding her still.

“Ben…”

She pulled her hands away and that light, that hope faded. 

He stood up and touched the fresh skin she gave him, his healed scars before glancing at her again. Rey sat down as he unclipped his saber from his belt. “You did well, you did--” He trailed off there, leaving the fragment hanging in midair. Rey watched as he stared at his crossguard saber before handing it to her. She took it gingerly, wrapping her hands tightly around its thick shaft.

“I think it’s time,” Kylo said shakily, stepping away and watching her warily. Rey swallowed. “For you to make your own lightsaber.”

_ Let the past die.  _

Rey nodded and glanced down at his lightsaber in her hand. 

_ Become who you were meant to be _ .

  
  
  
  



	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look!! A wild chapter update appears!!
> 
> Thank you to all who read and commented on the last chapter <3 <3 I'm so glad you're still enjoying this story!
> 
> As always, comments and kudos give me life! And don't forget to share this with your friends! And you can find me on tumblr @aionimica :) 
> 
> (and if you contributed to the Reylo Charity Anthology, check out my fic "To Hold" in there! I'll be posting it to AO3 in january, so don't worry, everyone will see it before too long!)

* * *

 

 

“Here is what you need for a lightsaber.”

Rey glanced up when Kylo — Ben— whatever he was— set the datapad down next to her. She’d been sitting in one of the spare rooms on their level on the  _ Ascension _ , once again looking through the Jedi archives. At this point, she wasn’t really sure what she was looking for, but in any event, it kept her centered. Rey found herself meditating it on time to time, reading words written by Jedi long since past, willing that knowledge to reach her in some way. Surely these masters knew so much more than she, surely they could give her something to fix her problem. 

Then again, that would require knowing what her problem was. Granted, there were several, ranging from being unable to get away from the First Order without risking the Resistance, all the way to becoming a Jedi with no Jedi to train her. Only a fallen Knight who crackled in the Force like a storm about to rain down. 

Kylo crossed his arms. “I’m sure your texts have a similar list but it’s impossible to determine how dated they are.”

“How is your list any different?” Rey mused as she perused the list. Ion power cell, emitter matrix, stabilizing ring, a focusing crystal. 

He glanced at her and raised an eyebrow. “Do you want a seventy-year-old lightsaber or one that is actually appropriate to today’s technology?”

A part of her wanted to snap back,  _ what does that actually matter _ , but instead Rey scowled and blushed and glanced away. There was too much sense in his words. Or at least that was how it sounded to her ears. He always too much sense when he stood so close. Too much reason than what she expected from him. 

She reached out with a tendril through the Force, trying to ascertain his intention. Intent was the beating heart of the Force: how one used it, how one intended to use it determined how it would react. Everything she’d seen and read enforced that. Kylo was an enigma of intention and when she brushed against him, all she found were shields as hard as durasteel.

The bond was shut — clamped and locked down, though on whose urging, Rey wasn’t sure. In some ways, she was thankful for it. There weren’t as many stray thoughts, not as many surprise visits. And yet… There was a void there as if a limb she didn’t realize she had was missing. 

Distancing herself from that void, she frowned. “Where do I get all this stuff? I doubt you have a focusing crystal on board.”

“I have only my own and it chose me on Dantooine,” Kylo said, his hand going to his saber hilt.

“Dantooine?” Rey perked up. Dantooine was a place out legends, like Korriban or Hapes. It wasn’t real. It couldn’t be real. Not the place that held an ancient Jedi temple and that was additionally a Rebel base that nearly was blown up by the Death Star. The stories made it seem like it was protected -- held in the hand of the Force itself, and to hear it was real, well, maybe those stories were true. 

_ Will you take me there? _

He looked at her as her voice suddenly shot through his mind. Rey shrugged and folded her arms close to her chest. It was the first time she asked to go away. Not to the Resistance, but off ship -- off world, and a part of her hoped he would at least give her this. She wasn’t a prisoner, no matter what deal she made. This was a mutual arrangement, she reminded herself and his hands were tied as much as hers. But she needed a lightsaber, and for that she needed a crystal. 

_ I’m assuming you won’t let me go alone. _

_ No, _ he amended.  _ That wouldn’t be appropriate. _

“Most of what you need is available on the  _ Ascension _ . Anything else you require can be requisitioned.” Ever the Supreme Leader. Never just one face. In one moment he could oscillate between a caring confidante and the hardened Knight who killed his master. 

_ Be honest with me,  _ she wanted to yell, but every time they came to that point, Rey found herself not wanting to be the recipient of that honesty. 

Honesty would ruin them. Honesty would make them fall - her into him and him down a path he so desperately avoided, Rey wasn’t sure she could call it the light or the dark or something in between. 

“Fine.” She gathered her things into her pack and stood up. Once again, she was taken aback by how tall he was. There was something unexpected in his height. Even though she saw him almost daily at this point, there was something still to be noticed when she stood this close.

His tunic was embroidered -- black on black, giving the weave and pattern of the fabric an intricate design in the proper light. His hair was brushed and styled away from his face and every inch of his clothes were pressed into crisp lines. Only his gloves were the same, leather and worn, yet freshly conditioned. Rey paused before she turned to leave. 

“Do you have meetings?” 

He stared at her blankly for a moment before saying, “I always have meetings.”

“But you never look this good.” Rey nearly choked when she heard herself and quickly amended, “for meetings.”

“The generals prefer a leader that carries themselves in a particular manner.” His words implied he missed her earlier club, but the way he looked at her, intently, seeing everything through her gave her pause. 

“They want an Emperor,” Rey filled in, “and not a Knight.”

She watched him bristle, unable to take her comment as anything short of an insult. The conflict rolled off of him in waves and his voice was uncharacteristically shaky as he said,“I am both.”

Rey nodded. “That must be a hard balance to keep.”

He didn’t answer. Instead, he just glanced to the side, out towards one of the viewing ports where the stars wrapped around them as they flew at lightspeed.

“Alright, well in the meantime, what do I do about this kyber crystal?” 

Kylo straightened his collar and looked sheepish as his attention was reined back in. “I… I’m not sure. We’ll see if we can find you a synthetic. You broke Skywalker’s and I don’t recommend using a broken crystal if it didn’t select you.”

It was Rey’s turn to glance at him, her interest piqued. “Speaking from personal experience?”

“Of a sort.” He nodded and cleared his throat. “I have to go.”

~

“Kriffing bastard.” Rey slammed down the datapad and looked at the scavenged bits pieces scattered around her. A stabilizing ring from maintenance. An emitter panel from engineering. One of the flux regulators she found in the corner, hidden there by BB-9E. But they were all useless in lightsaber creation without the crystal. Otherwise, she’d just make an empty housing.

What made it worse was the  _ Ascension _ was filled with crystals. Clear, white focusing crystals used in weapons refinement and computer targeting systems. But they weren’t forged from the heart of stars. Every single piece Rey found was dead -- a rock -- when she needed something alive. 

_ The theory behind what makes a kyber crystal, specifically how does a crystal become classified as kyber -- is debated heavily among most Jedi theorists. The Church of the Force was one of the first organizations that realized their potential around-- _

Rey slammed the text shut. Useless. It didn’t matter what they thought a kyber crystal was. It only mattered that she didn’t have one, and couldn’t build a lightsaber. Couldn’t become a Jedi without one.

The instructions said she needed to focus - to reach out and bond with the crystal. The selection process was one of the major steps towards becoming a Jedi — the Force reaching out and binding itself to the user through the crystal. According to the texts, they were alive, somehow. They had power and energy waiting to be tapped, waiting to be selected by their Jedi to give them all that they had.

It sounded like a bunch of mystic humbug, but given Rey’s experience with the galaxy and the Force up to this point, she wasn’t in a mood to doubt.

And all of the texts — every single one of them — said synthetic was not appropriate. Dangerous, even. They were unreliable and while, yes, they could be modified to a specific user’s desires, say more energy output and a longer beam — there was no connection to the force through the crystal itself. That lightsaber was just a tool, no more than a hammer to be wielded by any craftsman. 

Taking one of the extra rings, she knocked it against the table and within moments BB-9E whirled into the room, red eye spinning wildly for the scraps. 

It chirped once, examining the piece in Rey’s hand. “I’ll give this to you if you can get me all the files you have access to about Dantooine.”

The droid took one look at her, one look at the scrap on the table, hissed and ran out of the room, nearly knocking the table and all its contents on the floor. That was one thing taken care of. Now for the next. 

Rey took in a deep breath and opened her query into the  _ Ascension _ ’s flight patterns. 

~

It took her three days to map out her, albeit poorly thought out, plan to get to Dantooine and back. It would be a week-long trip according to the theoretical jumps and accounting for an extended amount of time to find a crystal that would bond to her. 

There were a few problems, of course, the most notorious being Kylo Ben himself. He’d realize what was happening almost immediately and even if Rey fancied herself a good enough pilot to get out of the  _ Ascension’s  _ gravity well without too much hassle, Kylo would find her in a heartbeat. She could leave him a note -- let him know she was coming back, that she wasn’t breaking her promise, that she was keeping his. Or maybe just open the bond. That would be more direct. 

BB-9E was relatively easy to take care of. 

She waited until the droid had wheeled into her rooms one night, bumping into her table looking for junk metal. She had a piece in her hand and it rolled against her, purring eagerly. 

“And I’m really sorry about this,” she said as she gave it some scraps. She reached around the other side of its dome -- BB-8 had a particular module panel that was easily accessed over here. Poe had given her a rundown on the schematics before she left D’Qar and Rey had a hunch that even a First Order model wouldn’t be that different. “And I doubt you’ll understand, but I can’t have you ratting on me again.”

The droid looked at her with its single red eye, it’s processors moving too slow to realize what Rey was reaching for, modifying and shutting down. It’s screech died into a warble and then silence. The droid was suddenly a heavy black ball in her room. She heaved it over to the side and tossed a blanket over it.

“Force, I have got to get better friends.” Rey leaned back on her heels. Finn -- his bright spark, growing in the distance. Did he have a lightsaber too? Were they walking this same path light years apart? When she saw him again would he be a Jedi?  _ I’ll be there with you _ , she cast out across the stars.  _ I promise _ . 

Rey swore she’d see him again. And this time, she’d have a lightsaber of her own. She’d come back to him and the Resistance and she wouldn’t be a disappointment.

Going through the files BB-9E brought gave her little information that would be truly of assistance. It was mostly satellite date, keeping track of who, what, and when different shippers came to the planet. Nothing on old Jedi ruins or caves or crystals or even what the climate was like. She packed everything she had, just in case. 

Shouldering her pack, she scribbled a note and left it on her bed. 

_ Going to Dantooine for that crystal. Be back in a week. I promise.  _

She’d open the bond and let Kylo know what was happening as soon as she was free of the  _ Ascension _ . At least that would give her a far enough head start to thwart off any explosions on his part before any countermeasures could be enforced. 

Rey took a deep breath and smiled as she locked her room. This was it. 

And almost immediately heavy sets of footsteps fell in line behind her, prompting her to slide to a halt.

_ Kriff _ . The three death troopers waited in formation as she turned around. “Where to, ma’am?” the foremost one asked.

Rey adjusted the pack on her shoulders. She wouldn’t fight them. She wouldn’t fight them. There is no way she could win and still get to Dantooine without setting the whole of the First Order on her trail. Not to mention she had watched them practice one day when she was cooling off after her run -- they never missed the bullseye with those carbines. But… 

_ Where to _ was the farthest their interactions ever got. Some days when she was with Kylo, she never saw them, instead being followed by his own red guard. And now she needed their help. Finn… Would he trust them? He might have known them. He might have grown up with them. He never told her much about his time -- they didn’t have much time to talk about things like this before, but… Finn was in their shoes once. 

She asked the question she once asked him. “What are your names?”

The lead trooper paused. “Ma’am?”

“You can call me Rey,” she said. “That’s my name. What are yours? You have to have them.”

The answered in a chorus. “MN-4487!”

“CR-7516!”

“BH-3313!”

FN- 2187. That was his name before he ran into Poe. “And what are your orders exactly?”

MN stepped forward. “To protect you. To follow you and make sure no harm befalls you or the First Order by your hand.”

“Really?” The three deathtroopers cocked their heads as her voice rose an octave. “That’s it?”

She thought they’d be required to make sure she didn’t leave the ship or even her quarters. The budding corner of the locked down bond hummed in the corner of her mind. Kylo gave her more freedom than she realized. 

“Yes… Rey,” confirmed CR rather reluctantly.

“Oh. Well then. I need to make a lightsaber. Kylo--” Rey cleared her throat. “The Supreme Leader told me it was time and I need to get a kyber crystal to complete that. And I can only find those on Dantooine.”

Three helmets turned and looked at each other before turning back to her. “The Supreme Leader…”

“Ordered me to make a lightsaber.” Suggested it was more like it, but Rey put every ounce of confidence behind it. She’s been a First Order pawn long enough to know the intonation, the way to stand and posture her shoulders to be confident. “And I’ll need an escort.”

“We can take care of that, Rey.”

She grinned. “Good. I need to find some supplies first before heading to my ship,” she said. “Do you mind showing me to the engineering bays?”

She almost heard a breath of relief from the three of them. “Not at all.”

~

Meetings were the least favorite part of his job. There was a posturing inherently required that he was not innately prone to participating in. His… For Leia, it came naturally. He has too many memories of her walking down the Senate halls, shoulders back and chin up, walking with the confidence of a queen when she is going to a negotiation with hardly anything to bring to the table. More often than not, she still succeeded in getting what she wanted. 

Even now, at his position

Moffs and governors were put into positions -- people Kylo had no interest in knowing or interest in controlling as long as they supported his claim to the throne. He leaned back in his chair, maintaining that veiled air of interest he remembered his mo-- Leia -- perfecting so well. 

The lieutenant leaned forward and passed a data pad his way. “There have been reports of a pirate coalition forming, Your Excellency.”

Kylo leaned forward. To his left Natasi Daala watched with a blank expression on her face. She’d hear all this before in several lifetimes. For him, however, that was more along his line of interest compared to petty bureaucracy. “What sector?”

“Not far from our current position actually. The reports state they are gathering outside of the Transitory Mists. Last sweeps count about fifty ships. Quite the armada for pirates.” Kylo didn’t know this man well. He was new, fresh out of the Academy, but with a good family -- according to Hux. Kylo didn’t care.

“Perhaps it's the resistance gathering allies,” Daala mused. “It might be the perfect time to snuff them out once and for all.”

Kylo nodded though his blood ran cold. “Then, in that case, we do not want to scare them off with a full force assault. Send in a scouting patrol with explicit orders to not engage. They are only there to collect information.”

“Yes, Excellency.” The man nodded left, stepping aside as an aide walked up to the admiral and whispered in her ear. Next to her, Hux sat up straighter. 

“Last item on the agenda, Supreme Leader.” Daala stacked her data pad and adjusted her eye. Every part of her uniform was pristine, down to her blond hair she had coiled into precision. “It’s been some time since we’ve gotten a proper update on your Jedi pet project. Is she properly under heel?”

The room fell silent. Hux glanced to Kylo. Kylo’s hand formed a fist on the table and he wished, oh he wished he could reach out with the Force and silence her ancient mouth. 

But that would only feed the fear that he was not suitable for this title. Kylo said nothing, his whole body laying still. “As I have stated before, and explained in several debriefings, that her training is moving forward as planned.”

Admiral Daala purred. “Then perhaps you can explain why she just accessed take off clearance with one of our ships. A long distance yacht, to be precise.”

Kylo stood up at that. The aide that walked in nervously made his way to his side and whispered in his ear. “Docking bay number Six. Clearance requested not five minutes ago.”

“Was she alone?” he asked this under his breath, only loud enough for the man at his ear to hear. 

The aide shook his head. “No.”

He swallowed and glanced to the admiral with a growl. “If you will excuse me, I will see to this personally.”  

A choir of “ _ Yes, Excellency _ ” answered him as he turned away, Daala’s eyes boring into him as he left. Kylo walked out of the room gracefully before smashing his fist into the wall on the other side of the door.  When he looked back, Hux stood there waiting for him.

“I told her to make a lightsaber -- she’s taking it too literally.” Kylo snarled and ignored the hot pain from his knuckles. 

Hux sighed. “I don’t understand.”

“She’s going to get a crystal for her lightsaber. She’s leaving --” Kylo didn’t dare finish. Not in front of Hux, where his voice might break and any weakness is leaving him open to attack. “I’ll take care of--”

Hux interrupted as Kylo started down the hall. “Take her.”

Kylo halted and turned towards Hux. “What?”

“Go,” the general said before crossing his arms and sighing. “The only thing keeping the Moffs and Grand Admirals tolerating this scheme is her progression into a Jedi. If she needs a crystal for a lightsaber, she needs to go get one. You are the only one with that knowledge to get her to that place.”

Kylo sized up the other man. He looked as he always did -- tired, anemic and searching for any excuse to consolidate his own power. But Rey…. she was going to leave him. She was going to run away if he didn’t stop her or at least go with her, but if he did… If he left the  _ Ascension _ in Hux’s hands, would he have a ship to come back to? 

“What do you have planned?” He asked quietly, his voice almost a growl.

Hux blinked. “Nothing. I’m only looking out for your best interest, Supreme Leader, and that of all the systems that follow our banner. Her wielding a lightsaber next to you is 

“I’ll handle your duties for a week,” he said under his breath, just low enough for Kylo to catch. “Any longer and I go after the Resistance and what is left of them.”

There was a dull thud as Hux head slammed against the wall. Kylo’s hand tightened around his throat. The red-haired man grabbed for his throat, only coming up to Kylo’s wrist, his eyes bulging out of his head.

“You will do no such thing without contacting me first. Is that clear?” Kylo said quietly. If Hux was a console, he would be reduced to nothing. If he wasn’t so necessary, if he wasn’t so useful at times to point like a rabid dog -- 

“Yes--” Hux spat before Kylo tightened his fingers again.

“No. Yes, what?”

If looks could kill, Kylo knew he would be dead over a thousand times over. But he wasn’t and Hux wiped his lip and turned away. “As you wish, Supreme Leader.”

~

Rey found that taking a ship was much easier with her troopers than she anticipated. Anyone that looked at them inquisitively, or who questioned what Rey would be doing alone only nodded and jumped to preparation when the three death troopers said, “Supreme Leader’s orders.”

They found a Sorosuub yacht ready for launch rather easily and made themselves at home. Rey settled into the pilot’s seat and requested the clearance codes --  _ by order of the Supreme Leader _ \-- and now all there was to do was wait. The course codes for their path to Dantooine were set; according to the ships computer it would take 2 days to get there. There was a solar storm in their current path and there would be a few additional jumps to avoid it, but they should still arrive to Dantooine with plenty of time to find her crystal. 

And as soon as she got the codes, she’d let Kylo know where she’s going. He wasn’t going to stop her this time, she promised herself. 

Eventually, the clearance came in and Rey smiled as she punched the ramp closure, only for it it shudder and halt. Rey frowned and pushed it again. Nothing. And then--

Rey jumped and her three troopers stood at attention as four red guard suddenly walked aboard the ship. She stilled, fear collecting in her belly, making her want to be sick. She was found out. The memory of the stun gun flashed in her mind. She wasn’t going to become a prisoner again, she wasn’t going to lose what she has and her hand raised in preparation to raise up the Force and knock them all aside and--

Kylo Ren walked aboard her ship and dumped his pack over in the corner. 

“Ben!” She sat up, her hand falling to her side as strode over to the console and punched in a few codes.

“This isn’t official,” he said briskly before sitting in the co-pilot’s seat at her side. His red guard walked down the hall to find their quarters and Rey’s death troopers followed behind. She just stared at him, unable to believe he was here and he was taking her, coming with her. Kylo Ren, the Supreme Leader wasn’t going to stop her, or command anyone else to do so. “Let’s go.”

Nodding once, Rey took the controls and easily guided the ship out of the docking bay. He didn’t stop her or change her course and none of the battery arrays shot at them. “Where are we going?”

_ Don’t you know _ ? She asked him. The locks on the bond had loosened and she was able to see past his walls enough to know he had a hunch.

_ Tell me _ , he replied.

“Dantooine,” said Rey as took them up into the stars and punched the codes for lightspeed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'll be back to add links to some of the things mentioned here ;)


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The addition of Kylo and his red guard complicated things. Her troopers had one cabin, his Red Guard had the other which left…
> 
> The two of them stood outside the single remaining cabin and stared in.
> 
> “I don’t mind…” Kylo said quietly. “I’ll just sleep out--”
> 
> “No.” The speed of her objection and the force behind it took her off guard. “No,” Rey said again, this time carefully. “I don’t mind you staying here. With me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm baaaack!! Thank you all for your patience!! I've been working on my exchange fic for the Reylo Fanfiction Anthology which you should all see within the next couple of weeks!! So keep an eye out for that :) And the holiday season has made irl a little bit busier which means not as much time for fic.
> 
> In light of the tumblr announcements, I just want to let you all know I will still be posting fic here. I am mostly blogging on pillowfort where you can find me @aionimica, on instagram @aionimicas and I'll keep my tumblr for the time being but only using it to post fic updates. 
> 
> And I just want to say the biggest thank you to everyone who has been reading this fic. I have gotten some of the sweetest comments from people saying how they're binge reading this and honestly, thank you. this is the highest compliment an author can receive and you make me want to finish this even faster! I hope you enjoy this chapter! 
> 
> As always, please share with your friends and leave comments and kudos <3 <3 <3 y'all are wonderful and i am so thankful!

* * *

 

 

When Rey had selected the Sorusuub, it had been initially on the basis of practicality. It was a fast ship, one of the fastest commercially produced private yachts on the market, that had been upgraded with an additional sublight engine by First Order engineers and fitted with additional turbolasers and cannons to rival the _Millenium Falcon_ in preparedness. On the surface, there were no negatives, no downside.

Rey, however, immediately discovered it when she went in search for her cabin. When she chose it with her troopers, the three cabins were more than spacious enough. The addition of Kylo and his red guard complicated things. Her troopers had one cabin, his Red Guard had the other which left…

The two of them stood outside the single remaining cabin and stared in.

“I don’t mind…” Kylo said quietly. “I’ll just sleep out--”

“No.” The speed of her objection and the force behind it took her off guard. “No,” Rey said again, this time carefully. “I don’t mind you staying here. With me.”

He stared at her blankly, the whites of his eyes seeming to widen as he waited for her elaboration. He reminded her of the happabores  -- the wild ones that roamed the far sands of Jakku -- not yet broken, and fully unsure of what’s about to happen to them.

He didn’t watch as she stripped down to her skivvies, throwing a thin shirt in a meager attempt to cover herself. There was no need to be unseen, no urge of shame or unsurety. She’d slept in less out in the Jakku crags and no one ever gave her a sparing glance.

The shirt was sheer, falling gently over her breasts and falling off her shoulder. It was all she had, she hadn’t planned on sharing a room, but glancing at Kylo, he didn’t seem to mind. Instead, he sent her looks from the corner of his eye, as if he couldn’t quite believe what he saw, nor was he sure if he wanted more.

They lay there quietly in the dark with only the sound of breathing between them.

And then his hands were in hers, fingers tightly wound together. He was warm, his skin surprisingly soft as she leaned over and kissed it, his breath catching as she worked her way to his shoulder, his clavicle and then his eyes were wide and soft as she kissed his lips and the shuttle spun.

They were tangled in each other, hands fumbling as they did away with their clothes. His chest was broad and smooth, save for the scar that roped down from his neck, his pale skin fading into the dark as if he were a specter and not solid above her.

Lips crushed together as the tossed and turned. He panted in her ear as one hand held her own while his other held her hips as he ground down.

Naked and pressed against him, her own breath hitching as he thrust deep into her, filling her so perfectly. Every part of her was electrified as he stretched her; his hands left her hips to cup her cheek and she melted into him and his rhythm as she arched towards him, wanting more and more as the heart of her burned and burned, seeking relief only he could give her.

But he could never get it. He brought her to the brink and then never quite get her over the edge of the cliff. Over and over, while he continued to thrust against her hips, grunting as she moaned, her head light and dizzy as she wanted to fall, fall so far into those throes of bliss.

And then as he shuddered on top her, filling her again, he whispered in her ear, “Surely you don’t think this is real?”

Rey glanced up, her eyes tearing open, his body off of hers and then --

She woke up with sweat on her brow and a furious heat between her legs and a moan on her lips as the dream vanished into the harsh reality of a lonely room. “No…” she moaned into the bed as her hand moved down between her legs, her fingers reaching to finish what her dream left irritatingly unsatisfied. “Come back. Come back please.”

Rey lay there in the aftermath, panting and aching for something she wasn’t quite sure she had a name for. She had a face — oh Force, she had his face stuck in her memory. And it was such a face: a mix of hard lines and soft curves in unexpected places; full lips parted as he thrust into her, swollen from her kisses.

She groaned as the image took over her mind, stoking the heat again as she curled in on herself and began to--

Rey stilled and threw her barriers up as a door slammed shut. Or at least it sounded like a door, though there were no doors on the shuttle. She groaned and flopped back. How long had she been projecting? How _detailed_ had she been projecting? There was only one other Force-sensitive close enough and if he saw any of this...

She swore into her pillow. Of all the times for this to happen, it had to be where his cabin wasn’t even ten feet away at all times. “Kriff, I’m missing Star Destroyers now,” she muttered before pulling herself to the fresher to scrub the remnants of the dream off of her.

Maybe he wouldn’t be awake. Maybe he’d be asleep and wouldn’t have noticed anything. Maybe it will just be something she can forget and ignore as she spends a week with him on Dantooine looking at rocks.

“Ma’am—“

Rey started before slowly turning to the deathtrooper who suddenly appeared at her side. Her heart slowly returned to a normal beat. The trooper looked at her blankly through the helmet, as if nothing was wrong. “Emen, what did I tell you to call me, yesterday?”

“Rey, ma’am,” MN said briskly.

She sighed. “Continue.”

“Morning patrols. We wanted to make sure you were alright. We thought we heard…” He paused and Rey looked away, unable to meet even his masked gaze. This shuttle was getting smaller and smaller by the minute. “There were some noises and sensations that we have no protocol for and--”

“I’m fine, I promise. Your mission is not compromised.” _But I might be_ , she thought as she waved a hand and dismissed him. A part of her smiled at his concern. At least someone was looking out for her. But they still noticed something was off as far as she knew they weren’t even Force-sensitive.

Surely they were stationed outside her cabin just like they did on the _Ascension_. But if they noticed then she had no hope that Kylo didn’t. Rey rested her head on the doorway with a thud. “Why me?”

At least he said nothing to that because of course, Kylo was waiting for her in the cockpit. She scowled in the nebulous direction of the Force. _You can’t give me a single break, can you_? No response. Swallowing, Rey steadied herself and sat in the chair next to him with the confidence she wasn’t sure he had.

He didn’t look at her. For the most part, she tried not to look at him either. When she did, it was too easy to imagine his lips parted above her, his eyes closed in ecstasy as he filled her and-- She banished the thought and clamped down on her shields, desperate to not let those thoughts escape, even as her skin flushed again.

Still, he had the nerve to ask, “Did you sleep well?”

“I’ve had better,” she grumbled.

He nodded and cleared his throat. “Make sure you’re well rested. We have a lot of work to do when we land.”

Taking a deep breath, she settled in the seat and glanced over the controls. The ships had been left on autopilot and managed their last two jumps without a single incident. “How much longer?”

“A few more hours. Per the ship's computer, we should be landing on Dantooine’s afternoon or evening. Enough time to get our bearings and set up camp.”

She nodded. He was silent, blessedly silent. She could do this. She could pretend nothing happened and that he hadn’t seen. But when their eyes met, Rey felt something too familiar brush against the wall of her shields and a blush rose furiously in her cheeks. Before she could say or think something she’d regret, she left the cockpit and retreated as far away from him as she could.

~

It was late afternoon when they made their final approach through Dantooine’s atmosphere. Kylo sat back as Rey took the controls and piloted the craft expertly through the clouds. She came back when the ship’s proximity alarms went off as their course took them slightly too close to the moon, not saying a single word to him.

Kylo huffed and told himself it was nothing. She had wanted this mission on her own and he’d taken it from her, and ever since she woke, Rey had wanted nothing to do with him. She wanted to be far away from him and had locked herself away far back behind her shields and he told himself he was alright with that, deliberately ignoring the part of him that wanted to ask why. Ask what he did. Not that it mattered. She had been tolerant of him for months. It was almost time that she went the way everyone else did -- casting him away when they didn’t fit what they expected of him.  

Instead, Kylo focused on slate green orb that hung in space before them, ever growing until it was all they could see.

Dantooine.

How had Luke described it when he first took Ben to find his crystal?

_A planet that despite all of civilization’s best attempts never gave itself up completely._

It was a wild place, wild in the Force. Farmers tried to tame its plains and make them suitable for crops, but the kinrath and kath hounds found the homesteaders to be easy prey and the farmland prime nesting sites for the kinrath’s eggs.  

Jedi tried to come mitigate the issues, as the planet was primely located along the hyperspace lanes in the Outer Rim and even went so far as to build a training Enclave on the planet. Of all the settlements, the Jedi had the longest success. Several generations trained on the planet before being sent off to other places.

But then the Sith Wars came, and Revan and Malek and so much was lost. But not Dantooine. It lived, its enclave thriving until after the war; the Jedi Enclave and the Council that had reconvened there were destroyed by a dark force and when the Jedi rebuilt, they stayed on Coruscant, letting Dantooine live in the throes of the Force. They came back for the crystals and only that.

_A symbiotic relationship_ , Luke had said as he and Ben disembarked.

The last time he was here, he had dreams of being a Jedi -- visions of him rising up, wise and strong like his uncle. Learning and leading, passing on his skills before going and being a voice for what’s right. For justice.

And yet here he was returning as the Supreme Leader, a Knight of Ren and one who wore the mantle of Jedi Killer. Dantooine should swallow him whole if it knew what was good for it.

“Are there any settlements?”

It was the first question she’d asked him in hours, which, he was perfectly alright with, however, it was odd to be so close to her and to have her be so quiet. “No,” he said, glancing out the viewports to the clouds surrounding them. “Dantooine was abandoned a long time ago. According to Imperial records, there is an abandoned Rebel base on the northern hemisphere, but there have been no settlements since.”

“And we’re not going there?”

He shook his head once. “The crystal caves are found mostly along the equator. And the old Jedi temple is in the southern hemisphere.”

She glanced at him sharply after adjusting their course. “You’re taking me to a Jedi temple?”

“Don’t sound surprised,” he murmured. “I’ve already taken you to one remember? And the entrance to the caves is clearly marked from the temple so we’ll have an easier time of navigating it.”

Rey said nothing to that, which he interpreted as a reluctant acquiescence.

He glanced away sharply. If that’s how she wanted it, he could play along. There was a… Force radiating from her cabin that shocked him into waking. It was something both familiar and distant, inherently traced with her signature. If it was anything else, he would have jumped out of bed and to her side, but she wasn’t in distress. Not pain, no, it was--

Bliss. Ecstasy. It overwhelmed him, blood pooling immediately in his groin, his erection coming hard and fast.  

He took himself quietly in hand and took care of himself with coarse sheets a poor substitute for what his body craved. And he’d be lying if he claimed that the face in his mind wasn’t that of the woman beside him.

He swallowed and slammed down his shields as the memory came back. No, she couldn’t know. Never know.

Rey set the shuttle down on the antiquated landing pad with ease and both of them exited quickly. Rey immediately went to work, unloading their supplies. Kylo followed and slowly came to a stop as he stepped off the ramp.

Dantooine hadn’t changed. Not in ten years. Not in ten thousand. It’s grassy plains grew up to his chest and they spread out for as long as he could see. If he closed his eyes, he’d be a child again, here with his uncle and the same eagerness that Rey so possessed. Even the smell was the same, the dry grasses light and airy on his palate, the sun warm and welcoming on his skin.

Man and boy in the same moment and it prickled his skin and made him want to tear his clothes and scream. But what possessed him to stay still was something else entirely.

Directly in front of them was the looming monolithic ruins of the Jedi Enclave. In the twilight shadows, it stared at them, sinister and foreboding. He didn’t remember it looking like this, feeling like this. Back then it was a place of promise, of history, of what he could become. Looking at it now made him want to be sick.

“Should we stay in there?”

He didn’t realize he’d been standing still until Rey spoke and handed him a pack.

Kylo swallowed and glanced in the direction of the derelict temple. It was taunting him, begging him to come in and explore. But he wasn’t a fool nor did he forget -- _Dantooine would swallow him whole if given the chance._

“I’d rather not,” he said at last. “The weather should be alright according to our scans. We have it for shelter if we need it, but who knows what is living in the ruins and we don’t have time to clear them all.”

She nodded slowly, and they silently went to work setting up camp before the sun set completely. Their meal wasn’t anything to note -- better than rations, worse than what they would have had on the _Ascension_. One of the guardsmen managed to light a fire. Off in the distance, a kath hound roared.

And much, much closer the Enclave loomed in the back of his mind. It was a tortured edge of the Force, a place fractured by so many events, so many things it had borne witness to. It wanted him there to correct it, to save it. Or to add him to it’s collection of truths. He inhaled slowly, letting the sensations wash over and through him. He wasn't burdened to them -- he’d be stronger than them; better than he was to the holocron in the Coruscanti temple’s archives.

Surely Rey felt the disturbances. Kylo looked her way -- instead, she was looking out towards the plains, southward towards the caves.

“Tomorrow,” he said quietly. “I promise. We’ll go first thing in the morning.”

It was the first and only time she smiled at him and even though the sun had set and the sky was overcast, it was as if he felt the cleansing light of the moon shine down on him.

“I’ll be ready.” Her voice was steady, promising.

Kylo nodded and couldn’t help but watch as she walked away. She lay down on her bedroll on the other side of the camp and he watched as her deathtroopers organized a guard. Two stood at her perimeter while the other two prepared to rest.

His own guard spread out around their perimeter with one member sitting a few feet from him. He nodded in their direction but got nothing in response. Not that it mattered. He was the farthest away from the seat of the First Order that he had been in months, if not years and there was no man in his mind to link him back to them. Rey’s shields were up: solid, just like he taught her and he supposed that for once, he was alone.

The fire cracked up to the stars and he looked up and sighed. He was out here with Rey, even if she wanted nothing to do with him and for one of the first times in months, and even with the temple at his back, he slept well.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- [Kath Hounds](http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Kath_hound/Legends)
> 
> \- [Kinrath](http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Kinrath/Legends)
> 
> \- [Dantooine](http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Dantooine/Legends)
> 
> \- [Sith Wars](http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Old_Sith_Wars)
> 
> \- [Revan](http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Revan)
> 
> \- [Malek](http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Darth_Malak)


End file.
